Shaolin monks wage internet war against ninja trolls
Overseers of the 1500-year-old Shaolin Monastery in China's Henan province, where Buddhist practice and martial arts have long been one, are demanding a public apology from some internet dude who claimed online that a Japanese ninja once whupped the asses of the kung fu monks of Shaolin in a showdown.
Oh snap, Grasshopper! The affront is said to have taken place in the "Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community."
If the ninja propagandist refuses to apologize, the wushu masters say they may sue him. OR WORSE. And that's what I call real ultimate power.
Snip from Reuters item:
"The so-called defeat is purely fabricated, and we demand the Internet user to apologise to the whole nation for the wrongs he or she did," the Beijing News said, citing a notice announced by a lawyer for the Shaolin monks.Link.Relations between Chinese and Japanese are sensitive at the best of times, with emotions still running high over Japan's invasion and occupation of parts of China in the first half of the 20th Century.
The Internet user, calling themselves "Five Minutes Every Day", said on an online forum last week that a Japanese ninja came to Shaolin, asked for a fight and many monks failed to beat him, the newspaper said.
"The facts that the monks could not defeat a Japanese ninja showed that they were named as kung fu masters in vain," the Internet user was quoted as saying in the post. The Shaolin temple "strongly condemned the horrible deeds" of the user, the newspaper said.
Update: Boing Boing readers have been analyzing this news in the comments forum, but none nails it quite so well as BB reader J L Borghead:
And BB reader Evan says, that's what I call..The Shaolin monks knew there was only one thing that could defeat a ninja in single combat: A Lawyer!
Let's look at the facts:
1. Lawyers are mammals
2. Lawyers are in the court room ALL the time
3. The purpose of the lawyer is to flip out and sue people.What do they do when they're not suing people?
Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they subpoena.
Real Ultimate Power of Attorney!(LOLshaolin pic: BB reader Darrell)
the latest
latest episodes
If a single ninja did defeat all of those Shaolin monks it would have been bragable.
There's just NO WAY in hell that one ninja could take on the monks of Shaolin. No way.
That said, someone should inform the monks that people make up shit on the internet on a daily basis.
That BoingBoing mascot can beat both Shaolin monks and ninjas at the same time, even while jackhammering the street!
So there, grasshopper!
Master Anonymous
Hey...I totally believe that story about the Japanese guy, because I DID IT TOO...
I was 16 and went visited Shaolin a few years ago, and I said, "How do you like my Monkey style" and they were all like, "I could kick your ass no problem".
So all of Shao Lin, even their grandmaster, lined up and I KICKED THEIR ASSES ONE BY ONE, and then I took them on three by three and the effect was still the same.
When I left they were all crying and bleeding and covered with bruises...
and then MY LITTLE SISTER DID IT TOO!
The Shaolin Monastery is not in Beijing, as the article you linked to says it is in Henan Province.
Interesting: while everyone knows that ninjas will flip out and whoop anyones ass easily (including that of shaolin monks) you may get sued for saying so.
I'm quite amused by this story on one hand, but sceptical on the other. Has anyone seen a link for the "Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community"? Pics or it didn't happen as the maxim goes.
And also, back in the 1870s, 3 Taiwanese practitioners of local fighting art (No Com Mee) challenged entire Shaolin Monastery to battle. All of Shaolin monks, including elders and cooks failed to make one scratch on Taiwanese martial artists. From then on everyone know Shao lin monks are laughing stock.
The Shaolin monks knew there was only one thing that could defeat a ninja in single combat: A Lawyer!
Lets look at the facts:
1. Lawyers are mammals
2. Lawyers are in the court room ALL the time
3. The purpose of the lawyer is to flip out and sue people.
What do they do when they're not suing people?
Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they subpoena. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)
and that's what I call... REAL ULTIMATE POWER! (oh damn... I hope that phrase isn't copyrighted!)
- J L Borghead
I mean what did you expect me to do in this situation:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1182/1302644921_12118db17b_o.jpg
The shoalin monestary and monks dis-banded centuries ago when they were attacked by the chinese goverment at the time.
There is no Shoalin monks!, even thuo i wish them to be. after the popularity of the 80's kung-fu movies the goverment allowed people living in the small villages at the bottom of the shoalin mountain to call themselfs shoalin. even though the orginal shoalin scriptures were either lost of destroyed.
If you dont beleive me go ask Jet Li he is one of the most active person's of exposing the fruad that is todays shoalin.
There is a "ninja" tradition that survives in to the modern day that has stories of a grand-master who traveled in China in the 1910's. I t is said he fought many duels there. This may be the basis of the assertion.
Shaolin ? Ninja > Pirates
@Darrell, nice work, grasshopper!
interesting,
I saw this on >>>>
video10.b00mtube.com
We can only wait and watch for the latest hacker kung-fu mad skillz to be honed in this warfare. An escalation in hostilities always gives rise to new warfare and defense strategies.
Long-term good will come of this. And good entertainment!
Joan
What is the URL to the Iron Blood Community?
Silly monks. Using a lawsuit because of an Internet posting will only cause the pirates to sympathize with the ninjas, ending their age old battle. Those monks might have some impressive kung fu fighting, but they will hardly be able to defend against pirates who are a little bit frightening and ninjas who are fast as lightning!
@anonymous15, dude, i don't know where this iron blood bulletin board community is but christ i want a screenshot or url! ALso i think the whole dispute should be settled in a showdown with RZA and GZA of Wu Tang moderating.
This is the bulletin board community
http://www.tiexue.net/
In Chinese obviously, the characters for iron blood are 铁 (iron) 血 (blood). Pronounced tié xuě.
I love the internets.
@Darrell: perfect, the beginnings of a new meme. I'll defend your claim of originator, and anyone who doubts will fall victim to my boing boing style.
For what it's worth.....me ain't be diggin' the new format. (No, really. I mean *really*!). Any chance that we can try another "style" or just go back to the old one?
Please?
"He is a priest of the Shaolin Temple. A Shaolin priest can walk through walls. It is said that listened for he cannot be heard; looked for he cannot be seen; felt he cannot be touched."
...Dude, I'd make the apology. Yesterday.
Hi, I just wanted to remind anyone should they find themselves in the following situation:
If the Ninjas come to your house and cut off your finger, you simply must apologize.
Then if the Shaolin think you deserve a good kick in the balls for sympathizing with the Ninj, try not to flinch.
Its all about respect, folks!
Real Ultimate Power of Attorney!
jeebus, you guys slay me. i am so glad we have comments on BB again.
Monks 0
Troll 1
Perhaps if they were Zen monks they would realize that they have lost, the moment they started to care about what somebody posts on the internet.
So much for detachment huh?
+1 comments on Boing Boing
OBJECTION!
lol jokes
If the shaolin guys are so good why don't we see them in MMA or even K-1 ?
Hei, I am a ninja.
It's like trying to break into Shaolin temple to steal some ummmm, monky type stuff and trying to fight your way out.
http://homeimprovementninja.blogspot.com
Ah hoaxes, you gotta love 'em!
And now for something completely different.....
Q: What is the sound of one ninja clapping?
A: Nothing, ninjas don't clap :P
Q: If a ninja commits sepuku with a frizbee in the woods and no-one is there to hear it, does it make a sound???
Shaolin Monks respond to ninjas in a similar way as Jay and Silent Bob would their critics?
"You are the ones who are the ball-lickers."
ImJustJake, I believe the man you are referring to is Toshitsugu Takamatsu, effectively the father of modern ninjitsu and one-time bodyguard of the last Chinese Emperor Pou-Hi.
He is reputed to have once said that a Shaolin fighter and a boxer (yes, a boxer) were the most dangerous enemies he ever met.
Although I doubt the credibility of this brat, I honestly would not be surprised if the story was true.
I went to Wu-Tang to train a few years back and the monks were cigarette smoking capitalists being driven around in limosines. The head monk had his own driver, and a huge ego from performing all over the world and making a fortune from aging baby-boomers who come to China looking for adventure and bragging rights.
Can you believe they actually CHARGED a fee, 10x for foreigners than the local Chinese? It was like over $100 a day and they had people studying there for months. $100 a day in China is a FORTUNE. 5 star hotels go for cheaper.
There was some good 'fu going on, granted - but NO real Buddhism, and that's where the mental power comes from. I was disgusted when he told me the money went to "rebuilding". The temple was laundering money. I got up and left immediately, studied at Wu-Tang instead. I bought a couple shirts in the parking lot, gave a little to the sea of crippled beggars, and kissed the monastery good riddance.
Anyone who has read the Art of War would know that pride is a bitch. I think that a bezerk ninja could have EASILY wupped all their asses. Can you believe they are even concerned with this clown on the 'net??? It goes to show that it is more of a franchise than any serious mystical art.
Shaolin Priests walking through walls? HA!
I'll sue YOU for FRAUD - pure denigration of the mammalian character. grrrr.
/calms young grass smokah
Ninjas as we imagine them today didn't exist prior to their becoming popular in Japanese culture in the 20th Century - the idea that there were secret martial arts schools of ninjas and great ancient masters is ridiculous. Historical ninjas were just assassins - they were not Bushi . Since Ninjas were supposed to be "secret agents", anyone announcing themselves as a ninja by definition can't be one.
Pu Yi (Not Pou Hi) was a puppet emperor of Manchuria under the Japanese - at the end of the war he stated he had been forced to do their bidding - Takamatsu Toshitsugu would be more his prison guard than body guard.
Following up on #37, ninjas as they are pictured today never existed in Japan. The original "ninja art" was a form of self-defense which included many "dishonorable" tactics, such as running away. A "ninja" would consider his "battle" a victory if he simply succeeded in getting away.
So if you are saying the ninjas whoop ass, then I agree with you. The ninja, if he ever existed, probably pissed the monks off, poked their eyes and kicked their family jewels, climbed up a tree, and ran away. For them it would be a victory. Congratulations!
Now this is the story all about how
China's life got flipped, turned upside down
And Id like to take a minute just sit right there
Ill tell you how a ninja became the talk everywhere.
In japan, he was born and raised
On the playground where he spent most of his days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And flippin' out and killin' outside of the school
When a couple of monks said were up in no good
Started makin money in the neighbourhood
He got in one little fight and his mom got scared
And said youre moving with your auntie and uncle in bel-air
He begged and pleaded with her the other day
But she packed his suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave him a shuriken and she gave him his ticket
He put his iPhone on and said "I might aswell kick it"
He whistled for a cab and when it came near the
license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror.
If anything he could say that this cab was rare
But he thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air
He pulled up to a house about seven or eight
And he yelled to the cabby "yo, home smell you later."
Wrote up a username, 5 minutes every day.
On ironblood forums, and lured the shaolin bait.
Who cares. Shaolin monks sure make more money than ninjas. The Japanese are just jealous? because ppl around the world pay unreasonable high ticket prices just to see the monks doing very wired, totaly useless stuff.
Who needs ninjas/Shaolin monks when u can have a 9mm handgun. Try to beat down a GI with a nice babumkabum firearm.
Besides, only big? news in J, within China, nobody gives a shit to those Dollar-greedy monks.
The shaolin monks already proved their worthiness against pirates... and Japanese pirates, to boot.
Ninjas should not be liars. Whoever fabricated this story didn't understand the meaning of Kung-fu.
It's so shallow to boast.
Sorry but I am confused. I was not aware that shaolin or ninja practiced Internet surfing or posting on forums as a discipline.
How many of you have actually researched this instead of simply practicing the arts.
Both disciplines are simply ways of life.
As we are free to choose our way of life it is rather stupid to attempt to ridicule another persons choice.
Simply put, life is about effort to gain achievement, not what style you use to get it
Both shaolin and Ninjitsu are martial arts.It is a duty of each martial artist to respect the martial artists of other disciplines.So, this is
a bad act to comment or humiliate other martial art.Since i ve studied both,i know the true need of martial arts is health,wisdom,internal peace.
Bodhidharma(Tamo) or Sun tzu never preached such cheap lessons.So maintain cordial relationship with all fellow martial artists.Remember God is one for all of us
there is nothing to say just look and see
Listeniz
there is nothing to say just look and see
Listeniz
i like this blog.
There's a history of a japanese Kage( Leader of ninja's/ Ninja master or somethin') that traveled to china and bested many kung fu masters, he was, as said in a japanese news letter "the Master Assasin", and this was true enough, until he met Faxian, a chinese Shaolin Monk who beated, to his astonishment he found that the "touch of death", one of ninjitsu's high level technique was one of the basic shaolin fist (actually the first to be taught to monks, one of the strikes of the "secret door"), he then retreated thinking that the monk would'nt kill him and try to assasinate him later, to his surprise the monk rushed at him and it was to late to defend, with just one simple blow the monk slayed the Kage, the technique the monk used was forbidden to be used in combat by the elders of the temple, its called the "lotus fist", it was just bad luck for the ninja i guess because he crossed the path of a diamond monk. Under some circumstances these monks,(only 4 are chosen to be diamond monks) can break the very sacred vows of shaolin at their discretion, they can even take life. this actually happened between 1903-1910, i'm not quite sure of the year.