This is very funny stuff, but having looked at the markup, I have to say that I would ask for a different copyeditor in future. A lot of these edits ("avoid simplistic qualifiers" for "very") fall under the heading of "creative disagreement" not "helpful suggestion" or "correction." I've generally benefitted from copyeditors who know the difference, but on the rare occasion where I've had to deal with a couple hundred pages of redlines by a copyeditor who thought that he was my co-author, it's been quite a struggle.

Disgruntled Star Editor Takes Constructive Revenge (Thanks, Fipi Lele!)

Colby Nolan is a housecat who was awarded an MBA degree in 2004 by Trinity Southern University, a Dallas, Texas-based diploma mill, sparking a fraud lawsuit by the Pennsylvania attorney general's office.[1]...

Ben Goldacre, a UK-based science journalist, obtained a diploma in nutrition from the American Association of Nutritional Consultants for his dead cat, Henrietta, while investigating allegations about fake qualifications.[5]

(Image: Count the cats!, a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike photo from Eva 101's Flickr stream)

DMCA Takedown T-shirt (Thanks, Dennis!)

Popular Science is reporting that a piece of bread, dropped by a passing bird, has managed to damage the Large Hadron Collider.

The bird dropped some bread on a section of outdoor machinery, eventually leading to significant over heating in parts of the accelerator. The LHC was not operational at the time of the incident, but the spike produced so much heat that had the beam been on, automatic failsafes would have shut down the machine.

If this really is the work of time-traveling Higgs boson particles, however, they're demonstrating a lot of creativity, but not a lot of competence. The Bird Incident won't delay the reactivation of the facility, which is still scheduled for later this month.

Baguette Dropped From Bird's Beak Shuts Down the Large Hadron Collider (Really), Popular Science. You should follow the link just to see their illustration "according to eyewitness accounts". Via stevesilberman.

Absolutely, positively need a beard now? Simply enjoy looking at photos of cute girls sporting fake beards? Yeah. There's an Etsy for that.

imadeyouabeard store on Etsy. Thanks, Christina!

And, yes, I am getting a little obsessed with the whacked-out wonder of Etsy. Why do you ask?

The weather in Los Angeles is so predictable, weather reporter Mark Thompson from our local Fox affiliate can just play sexy rap music and dance the day's forecast. He is one of the many reasons I love living in Los Angeles. Here's one video. Here's another, and here's yet another. He has an awesome, manly-man voiceover voice. But I like him best when he's silent. As one non-LA YouTube commenter said, "I wish my weather channel played songs that said 'bitch please.'" (That'd be this one, at 1:42.) (via @eecue)

If you flip the Dodge Viper logo upside down, it looks like Daffy Duck. (Via Bits & Pieces)

Watch: MP4 download, YouTube, Dotsub (with captions/text translations).

In this episode of Boing Boing Video, we test-drive "Sarriugarteis (Odontochile) trilobiteis," also known as The Electrobite.

This trilobite-shaped DIY vehicle was created by "Oilpunk" enthusiasts Kyrsten Mate + Jon Sarriugarte, with help from fellow makers Amy Jenkins and Tansy Brooks.

Pesco previously blogged about the little bugger here -- it's even been to Burning Man, where it no doubt terrified some trippin' hippies.

"We Are Douchebags."

From Wikipedia: A reclaimed word is a word in a language that was at one time a pejorative but has been brought back into acceptable usage—usually starting within the communities that experienced oppression under that word, but often also among the general populace as well.

For the uninitiated, the Adrian Mole books chronicle the life of a young man born near Leicester, whose dysfunctional family, intellectual impulses, gormless bumbling and terrible poetry make for a meaty, multi-volume series that serves as a wicked history of Britain and the world since the 1980s.

In the latest volume, Adrian is nearly 40, and is increasingly estranged from his (latest) wife, the mysterious and sexy Daisy, who seduced Adrian in Weapons of Mass Destruction. Their five year old is a High-School Musical-crazed monster, their finances are in tatters, and they're living with Adrian's elderly parents in their converted pigsty. Adrian's mother is writing a fictionalized agony memoir called A Girl Called Shit, and the lovely bookstore Adrian works at is going bust. And there's something wrong with Adrian's prostate, a problem compounded by all the friends and acquaintances who insist on calling it a "prostrate."

And yet, there's plenty that's sweet here. Adrian is figuring out fatherhood. His childhood flame, Pandora Braithwaite (now an MP) is back in his life. His half-brother Brett is back, his career as a hedge-fund manager in ruins. His son, Glenn, on deployment in Afghanistan, is shaping up to be a critically minded sharp young man. And Bernard, the alcoholic librophile who's helping out at the store, turns out to have quite a good approach to life that Adrian stands to learn much from.

Reading these books every year or two is a magic experience. Townsend recounts and recasts recent history in a way that makes you realize just how funny and tragic it all is. Townsend's vision has recently failed her, but she continues to write these books at an amazing clip. It's a real inspiration, as well as superb entertainment.

Adrian Mole: the Prostrate Years

Entire Adrian Mole series

In this brief true-life comedy short film, a gentleman who is careless with his forklift in a warehouse full of cases of glass bottles (vodka?) manages to bring the whole lot crashing to the ground with much hilarity!

Fork Lift Accident Brings Down The Warehouse Video (Thanks, Fipi Lele!)

You see, it's one thing for Republicans to give speeches on the floor of the House saying that Democrats want to murder the elderly or that they plan to create sex clinics and force teenage girls to have abortions. That is simply folksy language these people use to communicate with their people. When Newt Gingrich blamed Susan Smith's murdering of her own children on liberalism, Lady Frothenberg understood that it was harmless hyperbole. When Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and the rest of the conservative movement leadership say daily that Barack Obama is a black racist who hates America, it's simply their way, and we all understand that it is just entertainment for the masses who require this type of crude stimulation.

But when one calls a former Enron lobbyist a K-Street whore on an obscure radio show, one has simply gone too far, sirrah, and it will not be tolerated.

There will be a town hall meeting this evening led by Pastor Dick Cheney to discuss the possibility of witches in the village and what types of enhanced interrogation might be used to determine the breadth of the infiltration. Our deep sense of decency, morality and civility demand it. And thank you once again, Lady Frothenberg, for bringing this egregious breach of proper behavior to our attention.

Whatever the rest of you do, don't encourage this miscreant Alan Grayson to do more of this boorish behavior by donating money at his crude web site: Congressmanwithguts.com. If you do, I certainly hope you don't plan on being invited into the any of the finer homes and establishments in the Village because you just aren't welcome there!

Head (Flickr) (Thanks, Eric!)

How much do you get paid to poop? That's the question asked by Workpoop.com, a Web site that will, helpfully, time your restroom breaks and then calculate how much money you make while on the toilet using that time, the number of times you go per week and your hourly salary. I'm torn between three feelings here: First, a childish glee; Second, a childish disappointment that I can't really participate, what with not having an hourly salary; and Third, the creeping sensation that, somewhere, somebody's boss is using this to shorten their break times.

Workpoop, your pay-per-poo calculator. Via Barfblog.

BoingBoing: We have a lot of archived articles about poop.

Hayley and Rachel went out this Hallowe'en dressed, respectively, as Cory Doctorow (as depicted in the XKCD webcomic) and a floppy disk. GREAT costumes, folks!

Look, it's Michael Geist! (Thanks, Rachel!)

Sisters and brothers, these are the first days of a new golden age of kipple.

Ban Hammer: 3D printed (Thanks, Chris!)

A number of news sites and blogs erroneously (or hoaxily?) reported the death of Chuck Biscuits (Wikipedia), who has performed over the years for bands including Black Flag, Circle Jerks, DOA, and Danzig. The reports were all wrong. He will live to bang on de drum again. Apparently the whole thing was a prank on a particular journalist. Or not. All I know is the photo in this post was taken by Glen E. Friedman, who broke the news about the fact that everyone who broke the other news was wrong. Oh, and: this blog post is an elaborate excuse to post the Danzig "home video" above, in which Mr. Biscuits confesses his love for sugary breakfast cereals. His addiction to the likes of Quisp and Boo Berry ("the caviar of breakfast cereals") is the stuff of punk legend. (thanks, Sean)

Mohammad Al Rahhal picked up the contraband gyno-goods at his local post office in Egypt:

it had been opened by various puzzled customs and postal employees who, at a loss, defined the product in writing as "containing an unknown red liquid" - and awaited my description.

Marwa Rakha over at Global Voices has more from Al Rahhal's product review (he explains how it works, sort-of NSFW if only for use of anatomically specific language). Also, a report at the UK Guardian.

Spoiler: Al Rahhal's verdict? This thing, and the thinking behind it, are totally stupid. "Morality is worst interpreted by anatomy," he says. Bravo, dude.

Vincent Pearase, of Oak Park High School in Winnipeg Canada, writes:

One of our talented Oak Park students, Andrew Vineberg, helped make this hilarious short, Hiding Your Sexual Orientation From Your Parents 101. The kid is a vlogger, too. He does an amazingly erudite, funny vlog under the moniker Volatile Chemical. Check it out! Andrew has asked to show this at our next school assembly.

Remember the La-Z-Boy DWI story Pesco blogged earlier this week? A local paper reports that the lounger is headed for eBay. See also this update at Smoking Gun on the case of Dennis LeRoy Anderson, who drank "eight or nine beers" before driving the motorized lounger into the street and smashing it into a parked car. Snip:

Anderson's customized vehicle, seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, is powered by an eight horsepower Kohler lawnmower engine, and has a stereo, headlights, a built-in cup holder, and a "Hell Yeah It's Fast" bumper sticker. The ride, however, does not have a seat belt.

Related articles: Proctor Journal, BBC, Duluth News Tribune, Wired.

Yeah, I'm just going to put this whole NSFW thing behind the jump. Read on for an in-depth look at bat blow-jobs, and insights into the evolution of such work, in general.

If America's law students continue to be this amusing, there may be hope yet for the future of America's lawyers. From Craigslist:

You & Me Doing It v. You & Me Not Doing It (2009)
Using that IRAC method we've been learning about, a compelling brief on why we should hump each other's brains out.

Facts, Issue, Rule, Analysis, and Conclusions follow.

Thanks to Sarahpi, one of my favorite lawyers-in-training!

The few games I'm following typically have at least three waves: one for recruiting and general discussion, another for out-of-character interactions ("table talk"), and the main wave where the actual in-character gaming takes place. Individual players are also encouraged to start waves between themselves for any conversations that the GM shouldn't be privy to. Character sheets can be posted in a private wave between a player and the GM, and character biographies can go anywhere where the other players can get access to them.

The waves are persistent, accessible to anyone who's added to them, and include the ability to track changes, so they ultimately work quite well as a medium for the non-tactical parts of an RPG. A newcomer can jump right in and get up-to-speed on past interactions, and a GM or industrious player can constantly maintain the official record of play by going back and fixing errors, formatting text, adding and deleting material, and reorganizing posts. Character generation seems to work quite well in Wave, since players can develop the shared character sheet at their own pace with periodic feedback from the GM.

Unfortunately for those of us who are more into the tactical side of RPGs, it isn't yet well-suited to a game that involves either a lot of dice rolling or careful tracking of player and NPC positions. Right now, Wave bots are hard to get working reliably and widgets are scarce, which means that if you don't want to use the standard dice bot that Wave debuted with (dice bots are an old IRC favorite) then there isn't really another convenient option; rolls are either made with real dice and then posted on the honor system, or they're posted in batches and a GM then uses them in sequence.

USS Warehouse Captain in Training (via Wonderland)

Worst and weirdest Beatles cover ever. A choir of ventriloquistic monstrosity, from Hungary. Nabbed from Robert Popper's newfangled webble-site.

Trossen Robotics forum member WGhost9 says they designed, built and programmed this creepy candy crawler in just 3 weeks.

It runs C on an Axon microcontroller. It uses all digital servos and can lift over twice its body weight. The software (soon to be given out open source) allows for 6 synchronous degrees of motion. Future additions will include foot sensors and a remote control option.

Tim says: "Governator Arnold hides a colorful response in a carefully worded veto."

Schwarzenegger's press secretary, Aaron McLear, insisted Tuesday it was simply a "weird coincidence."

Did Schwarzenegger drop 4-letter bomb in veto?

Boing Boing reader Greg Zilm sent in this photograph of a fine pumpkin homage to William S. Burroughs.

I saw this picture this morning, and thought of you people. Thanks to Geekstir!

But I do have one question. Why is the plucky, little rebel faction carrying the evil Sith lightsabers?

'we've got some work to do now' alt. version

Joe Stockley paced the floor of his office and cursed under his breath. Dammit, he thought, why am I such a brilliant writer that no-one ever understands the depth and complexity of my work? It's almost as if I'm the only real person in the world and all the other people are just automatons! No, that can't be (he thought). Can it...?

Just then, he was interrupted by the ringing of his top of the range iPhone 3GS (32GB).

'Hello?' he said, his voice booming with a timbre which was capable of simultaneously charming his many admirers and intimidating any who dared oppose him.

'Hello Joe,' a mellifluous voice came floating back. 'It's your loving wife here.'

'Hello, my beautiful-beyond-compare, talented and intelligent wife,' said Joe, his laughter reverberating around the expensive fixtures and fittings of his luxurious house.

There are times I envy those who have to get dressed and go work with other people. Like, for instance, when I watch this awesome karaoke video. I haven't worked in a real office since 2006, so I'm left to conclude that you all totally have this much fun every day. Right?

P.S., the best part of this video is the woman who refuses to join in. Clearly, a fun-hater who hates fun. At the same time, I feel really sorry for her and would love to hear how she described this event to friends and family at the end of the day.

COMIC TITLE: Nachos (Thanks, T!)

RAAAAAR!!! by Simon Sherry - $9 (via Geekologie!)

Watch Senator Al "Kick-Ass" Franken wipe up the floor with this health-care-lobby shill from the Hudson Institute who claimed that universal healthcare would increase medical bankruptcies. This is the perfect mix of being sensible and being devastatingly sarcastic, and I love him for it. Go Al!

Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) humbles Hudson Institute dilettante over health care bankruptcies

This is obviously a labor of love, as the developer knows her stuff. This game is highly allusive and drops constant references to other works like its Gaiman's Sandman. Super Mario World is its core, but set pieces, backgrounds, and enemies from assorted titles and other Mario games all make appearances. These additions are far from being a cut-and-paste hodgepodge though, as they're carefully woven together to create an enthralling experience. The nod to Tarantino and Shinichiro Watanabe is duly earned. Instead of being a pure homage, though, the game throws constant curveballs at you. I played one level where the On/Off switch actually changed the enemies in the level, and another one that was fully destructible via Mario's fireballs. These subversive quirks are made all the more apparent because they're within the Super Mario World engine, something that is so well-known and played.

The boss battles are what this hack is best known for, and they're reason enough for a download. Bosses are typically the one shortcoming in the Mario franchise, but not here. There are dozens of encounters and they're all throwbacks to various 16-bit games. Oh, and they are a lot of fun too. There is the occasional level that drags a bit, but other than that Super Nintendo fans shouldn't pass this up.

The Internet Archaeology project is a wonderful collaboration between artists, designers, and tech-minded people around the world, started by an artist named Ryder Ripps in New York.

"Essentially we're going through older, overlooked websites and archiving content," says participant Stefan Moore, "But the main difference between this and archive.org is that here, there's a focus on showcasing what we find."

Old-school webhost Geocities will be shutting down later this month, so the site seems particularly timely right now.

"We just finished archiving and curating a bunch of geocities flash sites," says Stefan, "Check it out under the section marked 'webgrabs."

internetarchaeology.org and internetarchaeology.tumblr.com.

Boing Boing guestblogger Connie Choe is a health and culture writer by day and a professional kimchimonger by night.

Meet the AutoExec WM-01 Wheelmate Steering Wheel Desk Tray. This hunk o' plastic with a fancy name must be A) brilliant in its simplicity, or B) hopelessly dumb. But I can't quite decide which. Either way, the grab bag of serious sarcastic/ambiguous product reviews is enjoyable. One customer writes, "This has been a total lifesaver. It allows me to prop my sheet music against the wheel, allowing me to play the guitar with both hands while driving." Deadpan humor? Perhaps... or it might just be this guy.

(via Random Good Stuff)

One of the most fun of these is the Jack books, which feature a set of parallel adventures of Jack -- as in "Spratt" and "and the Beanstalk" and many other tales. Jack is handsome, womanizing, preternaturally lucky and cheerfully amoral doofus of a fable who is forever incurring the wrath of the Fable establishment by violating their rules by, say, pursuing a career as a Hollywood executive (he fits right in in Tinseltown, naturally).

In Jack of Fables Vol. 6: The Big Book of War , Jack finds himself heading the Fable/Librarian army against the vicious Bookburner, who would destroy all of fabledom for his own reasons. Jack takes this command with the help of his sidekick and pal The Pathetic Fallacy (AKA "Gary"), an immortal "Literal" who changes the world to suit his moods.

Jack is a terrible commander, but a very funny one, and he doesn't distinguish himself much as a general, but he does an admirable job of evincing yuks from the reader; and Willingham uses the story to make some really thought-provoking points about the dark and primal nature of stories and the danger and blood that lurks in their hearts.

The Big Book of War would probably stand alone reasonably well, but if you just read this volume, you're really missing out. The whole Fables canon deserves your attention (and will reward it handsomely). It is both gripping and thought-provoking; philosophically substantial and sparklingly funny. Jack of Fables Vol. 6: The Big Book of War

Avi Solomon says: "If you search Google Images for "Google  books fingers" you get poignant images (to my lights) of scanner worker bee hands. Makes me value the massive,  anonymous and underpaid effort that goes into maintaining the 'digital' economy." Here an example.

Google Books fingers

The Underwater Land project recently supplied me with an MP3 download of their CD, "Underwater Land," created by the late, great and sorely missed Shel Silverstein. This was the pitch:

I'm writing you on behalf of the Shel Silverstein estate's Underwater Land project. Underwater Land is a kid's music project created by Shel Silverstein. This project was Shel's final major music project and also his final children's recording. Shel wrote Underwater Land, produced it, travelled to Nashville in 1997 to handpick the best musicians and studios there, and sings on several tracks with the primary singer and old friend Pat Dailey. Kim Llewellyn, Shel's longtime graphic designer, designed the lovely 32-page liner notes which features many previously unpublished Silverstein illustrations and all the song lyrics and verse.

Some of my favorites: "Dale and Shale," a rapped advertisement for a notional store selling naught but tales (think of Tom Waits's "Pasties and a G-String" except about fish, not strippers); "Captain Octopus" (a rollicking sea chanty recounting the eight things a sailing octopus can do at once); and "Poor Anna," the sob-story of Anna, a flounder from Havana whose love affair is pull of superb and terrible fish puns (every now and again Silverstein and Dailey break each other up on this track, and I defy you not to do the same).

If you're a Silverstein fan, a fish fan, a kid, a grownup with a kid, or have an intact sense of humor, you will enjoy the heck out of "Underwater Land."

Underwater Land (Thanks, Kenyon!)

"Celebrate the launch of Windows 7 by illegally downloading your very own copy!" Video link. (Funny or Die, thanks, @serafinowicz)

I Love xkcd from NoamR on Vimeo.

Noam sez, "There are so many things to love in this world, so just to point a few of them I've animated the xkcd comic xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel. Singing by the amazing Olga Nunes."

I Love xkcd (Thanks, Noam!)

Link (thanks, Souris)

Ape Lad sez, "Dresden Codak, a very funny webcomic, has this handy chart of '42 Essential Third-Act Twists' for writers."

42 Essential 3rd Act Twists (Thanks, Ape Lad!)