I'm posting geek "yo momma" jokes to my Twitter feed, and people who think that sort of nonsense is amusing have been replying with even funnier ones that I'm retweeting in an infinite circle of endless insult lulz. Here are a few selections.
- Yo momma so ugly, she make goatse cry for a unicorn chaser. (@xenijardin)
- Yo momma so fat THX can't even surround her. (@mustardhamsters)
- Yo momma so dumb, she went to the dentist and asked for a bluetooth.(@seanbonner)
- Yo momma so stupid, she thinks the Large Hadron Collider is a gay porn film.(@xenijardin)
- Yo momma's so big and ugly she lies dreaming in R'lyeh.(@Orlovsky)
- Yo momma so fat she doesn't just have a low center of gravity, she has an elliptical orbit.(@seanmoriva)
- Yo momma so old, she's an arguing point between Creationists and Evolutionists. (@Nightwyrm)
- Yo Momma so fat, even Ralph Lauren's Photoshop team can't help her ass. (@rawkreative)
- Yo momma so old she goes on carbon dates. (@sfslim)
- Yo momma so dense she got her own event horizon. (@sfslim)
- Yo momma so weak physicists have unified her with electromagnetism. (@sfslim)
- Your momma is so fat NASA shot a rocket into her ass looking for water. (@tbias)
- Yo momma so fat, she took geometry in high school just cause she heard there was gonna be some pi. (@MatthewMors)
- Yo mamma so fat, China uses her to block the internet. (@thelizupdate )
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Your mother is so nice, she baked me a pie.
Am I doing this right?
OK I give up, "Yo momma so old she go on carbon dates" is perfect.
Congrats to sfslim.
Yo momma so fat, she bends light.
Wow.
@mypalmike, your mother is sweet, intelligent, smells nice, follows good grooming habits, and has a body mass index that is pleasing to my sense of what is correct for the female human form.
yo mama so squint, when she cries the tears roll down her back
Yo momma so offended, she commented on this post.
O, and she so fat she's got a peg leg w/ a kickstand
@edmonton yo momma got a glass eye with a fish in it!
yo momma so fat they mapped her for Google street view.
I chucked one your way Xeni. For the lulz. (@ukgc_category)
yo mamma so unusually fat she's transfat
Yo momma so old and fat she posed for the Venus of Willendorf.
Yo momma so slutty, when they talk about Lahore on the news she think they mean HER.
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went straight to hell!
Yo momma so fat the International Astronomical Union say she a planet.
Yo momma so mean she has no standard deviation.
Now I know you're not talking about my momma, 'cause your momma's so fat she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her!
Your momma's so dumb she thinks the Diet of Worms is what you feed your pet frog!
And she's so ugly she gives Robert Williams the heebie-jeebies!
(Howzat?)
Yo mama's so fat her ass is it's own state vector.
Yo mama so fat she got her belt from Gerard Kuiper.
Your mother is so hot, she's like an overclocked umm.. processor, with like, no cooling fan, or even a heatsink.
Your momma is so mean she stole the walrus' bukkit and ate kitteh's cheezburger.
That last one about China's internet kills me.
Of course, here's this old chestnut from Fake Stephen Hawking:
"Your mama is so fat that the escape velocity at her surface exceeds 3•10^8 m/s."
It's on YouTube and elsewhere but I don't know whether trying to post a link will cause problems.
yo momma so fat she collapse wave functions without an observer
@Antonius: I must deal with too many statisticians - because I found that one hilarious. :)
Yo momma so stupid, she's currently on a quest for the Head of Vecna.
/D&D nerdy
Yo momma so dumb, she think "veni vedi vici" a online database about hotdogs.
That should be "veni vidi vici."
Yo momma so dumb she think 'video hunc' means the star of a David DeCoteau movie.
Your momma's so big that Paul Bunyan looks small besides her.
Your momma's so slow and dumb that she was uploaded and emulated on a 386.
Your momma's so big that doctors use scuba divers as nanobots to clean her arteries.
Your momma's so big that Alcor rented the whole Antarctica as cryogenic tank.
Your momma's so big that doctors use butcher knives as restriction enzymes for her gene therapy.
Your momma's so nasty that grey goo comes out of her nose.
Your momma's dumber than an augmented rat.
Your momma's so mean that Bonobos go to war with her.
Your momma's so dumb that superhuman AI SI:>6 cannot uplift her.
OK, those were some transhumanist "your momma's so" jokes
Wouldn't that "Yo mama so dense, she bends light.
Yo momma's so fat she put a yellow raincoat on and kids try and hop on for a ride to school
Your mama is so fat, she expresses her dress size in scientific notation.
Your mama is so fat, she and the great wall of China are used as reference points when astronauts look back at the Earth.
Your mama is so old, she still has gills in her prom photo.
Yo momma so greedy, is her regular expression.
Hmm, the expression didn't come through the filter. 2nd try with square rather than angle brackets:
Yo momma so greedy, [*] is her regular expression.
Yo momma so fat, the ratio of he circumference to her diameter is four.
Yo momma so fat, she defined the parsec.
Yo momma so weird, Forteans drop dead just looking at her.
what about computer games?
your momma is so fat...
- she cannot hide behind those barriers in space invaders
- the zombies in doom 3 run away from her
- she can only enter video games as endboss
- she needs 3 different logins for her sims character
Actually happened:
Was reading a geology article the other day, and was told by observer that abbreviation "Ma" (megaannum) was "when yo Mama was born."
Your mother is so ignorant of Viking lore, she thinks Asgard is something you'd wear to prison.
Your mother is so ignorant of geography, she thinks Napoli is the fat girl on 'The Facts of Life".
Your mom is so dumb, she thinks 'miasma' refers to Popeye's bronchial condition.
--High-C
Antinous wins.
Yo mama so fat, when she walk across the room, the radio skips.
Yo mama's so fat, scientist track her position by observing anomalies in Pluto's orbit.
yo mama's so stoned she is the walrus
goo goo ga joob
yo momma's internals so promiscuous, the NT kernel puked when it floroscoped her
Yo momma so fat, she's not only bigger than the Hubble telescope, she's bigger than the things it looks at.
I just made that one up, do I win?
Yo mama's so fat, when God sad "let there be light," he had to ask her to move
The Millenium Falcon did the yo mama run in just under twelve parsecs.
yo momma so big dyson thought there was a star inside her
Your mother is so dumb, when the cops knocked, she told the dungeon master to flush her Bag of Holding.
Your mother is so dumb, she thinks Chimera is Russell Simmons' ex-wife.
Your mother is so dumb, when she rolled D12, Eminem lost half his posse.
Your mother is so forgetful, that's why they're called the *Lost* Caverns of Tsojcanth.
Your mother is so dumb, she thinks the tv show Firefly was based on the novel by Piers Anthony.
Your mother is so ignorant, she thinks "T'Pau" is the onomatopoetic name of the last cleaning product hawked by Billy Mays.
Your mother is so dumb, she thought "Seven of Nine" was a cute kid assimilated by the Borg who was brought in to perk up Married with Children after it jumped the shark.
Your mother is so Trekkie, Neelix.
Your mother is so dumb, she thinks Doctor Who's on First.
And my crowning achievement:
Your mother is so dumb, she invested in Palladium cause she heard Rifts was being developed for N-Gage.
Yo momma so ugly she appears in C'thulhu's nightmares.
Yo momma so popular she got her own O'Reilly series.
Yo momma so nerdy she counts her age in seconds since the epoch.
"Yo momma so fat, the ratio of he circumference to her diameter is four."
am i the only one who realizes this is the winner? thanks, anon.
void howBigIsYourMomma()
{
while(yourMommasWeight < weightOfUniverse)
{
yourMommasWeight = yourMommasWeight + 1
}
}
I'm afraid part of my expression got left out, rather spoiling the joke. It should read While yourMommasWeight is less than weightOfUniverse, etc...
Some day, commenters will stop accidentally using html. Some day.
Obviously not today; thanks, Antinous!
Yo mamma is so lazy, she decides one Boing is enough
Yo mamma so fat, in a love triangle she'd be the hypotenuse.
yo momma so fat IEEE is working on a wifi protocol so we can get the signals to reach users on opposite sides of her. It's called 802.11 Draft Fat Mama
yo momma so fat IEEE is working on a wifi protocol so we can get the signals to reach users on opposite sides of her. It's called 802.11 Draft Fat Mama
Yo mama so skinny, she hola-hoops with cheerios.
Yo mama so small, when she wanted to commit suicide, she jumped off the sidewalk and died.