Things to say during sex (Doogie Horner flowchart lulz).

Link to complete image. What's the name of the guy who does these? I'm sorry, but I do not know Created by the extremely funny Doogie Horner. (via @galadarling via @reversecowpie)

[#1 posted by Anonymous, July 14, 2009 2:33 PM]

I had given up on flow charts, until I read this.

[#2 posted by Anonymous, July 14, 2009 2:50 PM]

My favorite (I think I read it in Playboy in the mid-60s):

"Into the boxcars, all of you!"

[#3 posted by dr.hypercube, July 14, 2009 2:51 PM]

A lot.
On your dog.

Christ on a bicycle! This is the funniest thing in quite some time. Thanks for a hearty guffaw.

[#4 posted by Angstrom, July 14, 2009 2:52 PM]

"I'm going to pound the farts out of you"

I'm horribly tempted to use that one.

[#5 posted by Johnny Cat, July 14, 2009 2:52 PM]

That was hilarious.

[#6 posted by GuidoDavid, July 14, 2009 3:14 PM]

Pig noises are good on my book.

People are weird.

[#7 posted by VICTOR JIMENEZ, July 14, 2009 3:46 PM]

Genuine -> (Not your partner´s name) -> (And not their gender)

Charts for the win.
...A lot, in your dog.

[#8 posted by moose_hp, July 14, 2009 3:48 PM]

What happened to the good old "happy birthday"?

[#9 posted by IWood, July 14, 2009 3:55 PM]

"Good genuine exclamations wow!!!" never really worked for me, though. I might be doing it wrong.

[#10 posted by dofnup, July 14, 2009 4:31 PM]

"Madre Mio" = FAIL

Madre = feminine
Mio = masculine

So you're kinda saying your mother is a male. Surely not a "good" thing to say during sex o_O

Or you're just revealing that you don't know any Spanish. If, however, your partner doesn't know any Spanish either, then it's a WIN!

[#11 posted by Anonymous, July 14, 2009 4:56 PM]

Yahoo - http://astrology.yahoo.com/channel/sex/things-not-to-say-during-sex-249810/ - suggests the comedians name is Doogie Horner.

[#12 posted by Mister Moofoo, July 14, 2009 5:22 PM]

I rule at fuckin'
my job is truckin'
don't stop suckin.

Thought a lot of this was funny, but this trumps 'em all. I nearly pooped.

[#13 posted by apoxia, July 14, 2009 6:30 PM]

So good.

[#14 posted by JenniferFolly, July 14, 2009 6:32 PM]

I think I just peed my pants (a little).

[#15 posted by Anonymous, July 14, 2009 6:40 PM]

Mr. Anonymous is correct. That is the work of one Mr. Doogie Horner, who's comical stylings can be found at http://comicvsaudience.blogspot.com/ and http://www.ministryofsecretjokes.com/

[#16 posted by Anonymous, July 14, 2009 6:49 PM]

The guy is Doogie Horner. He's a Philadelphia comedian, and he's working on a book full of them that's due out next year. His blog is here: http://kgbyardsale.blogspot.com/

[#17 posted by TEKNA2007, July 14, 2009 7:04 PM]

Things to say during sex

I've always wondered about that. Thanks for clarifying.

[#18 posted by Anonymous, July 14, 2009 8:41 PM]

Can you make it interactive? I'd add the balloon "my last date I had to inflate"

[#19 posted by deweyeyed, July 14, 2009 8:56 PM]

I had a statistic textbook in grad school that actually had this question in its practice questions:

"What the worst possible thing to hear during sex?"

Answer, according to textbook: "Hi honey! I'm home!"

(It had something to do with expected answer ranges in a survey.)

[#20 posted by cuchillo, July 15, 2009 4:05 AM]

Hilarious!
"We're going to hell for this"

[#21 posted by Lord Xenu, July 15, 2009 8:12 AM]

I'd add, "This won't take long."

[#22 posted by Anonymous, July 15, 2009 2:15 PM]

Actually, this is not the work of comedian Doogie Horner.

It is a translation of a two page ad by Swiss publisher Kein&Aber that appeared in the "Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung" on December 12, 2008. The ad was created by the Walker ad agency of Zurich to promote the book "50 Erfolgsmodelle" ("50 Models for Success").

The German tabloid "Bild" praised it as being the most provocative ad of the year 2008.

[#23 posted by Anonymous, July 15, 2009 3:57 PM]

So.

Doogie created this flowchart, and several others including heavy metal band names and the Universal Comedy Flow Chart. http://comicvsaudience.blogspot.com/search/label/flow%20chart
http://comicvsaudience.blogspot.com/2008/08/universal-comedy-flow-chart-by-doogie.html

These got some heat online, but were often unattributed because Doogie didn't include his name in the original image files.

Then this Swiss company nicked the image, translated it, put it into newspapers and, I guess, started winning awards.

But it's definitely Doogie's work.

[#24 posted by Anonymous, July 15, 2009 5:33 PM]

"What the worst possible thing to hear during sex?"

Answer, according to textbook: "Hi honey! I'm home!"

I suppose "What the hell are you doing to the dog!?" would be a bit too racy for most tests.

[#25 posted by Anonymous, July 15, 2009 8:36 PM]

I said "boom goes the dynamite" during sex once, and didn't end very well.