A Monkey on My Back (non-metaphorically speaking)
Writing a book is a long and difficult process. Sometimes, a part of the book that the author really likes is excised by the editor. Well, thanks to Mark and the other Boingboing'ers I get to share it here.
The first draft of Absinthe and Flamethrowers contained a historical sidebar on the ancient practice of human vs animal combat and I don't mean throwing Christians to the lions. Rather, I mean a one-on-one match up between an gunless human and an equivalently sized animal. Turns out this practice, (please note that I also think it's bizarre, and in the Commodus case below, disgusting, and I'm not advocating it) is pretty well known throughout history.
Commodus, the degenerate Roman emperor (so excellently portrayed by Jaoquin Phoenix in Gladiator) would often parade around the Roman Coliseum dispatching animals with a sword or spear. While he certainly wasn't unarmed, he was in close contact.
The dens of the amphitheatre disgorged at once a hundred lions; a hundred darts from the unerring hand of Commodus laid them dead as they ran raging around the Arena. Neither the huge bulk of the elephant, nor the scaly hide of the rhinoceros, could defend them from his stroke. Ethiopia and India yielded their most extraordinary productions; and several animals were slain in the amphitheatre, which had been seen only in the representations of art, or perhaps of fancy. - The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon, Chapter 4Fairs and amusement parks at the turn of the Twentieth Century were colorful, vibrant, and boisterous places. They offered an antidote to the strict moral codes of the period and offered exotic products and activities which curious visitors found irresistible: foot long hot dogs and salt water taffy, ferris wheels and roller coasters, and . . . kangaroo boxing.
In the year 1900, the Boardwalk in Atlantic City was well known for its boxing kangaroo (whose name is sadly forgotten in the sands of time.) But by all accounts, it was a hell of a good boxer and was said by more than one spectator that it could give John L. Sullivan himself a run for his money. This was the heyday of man versus kangaroo pugilism.
More recently, there are several mid-20th century diary and newspaper accounts of monkey wrestling matches at county fairs. One man wrote that he went to town one day and came across a carnival where for five dollars a person could enter a cage containing an orangutan. If the person could stay in the cage with the ape for five minutes, they got paid $100. But nobody was able to do it.
"After several hours of strategy sessions and drinking beer, I devised a plan and launched off to encounter the orangutan.Much more on this subject at Notes From the Technology Underground
"The monkey looked docile enough, 110 pounds, long skinny arms, just sitting there in the middle of this iron cage. I approached the monkey from the backside and grabbed it in a half nelson. To my surprise and pleasure, she offered no resistance. Then I made the mistake of lifting the orangutan off the ground. I had a big smile on my face. This lasted for about fifteen seconds, and then I noticed that this long, skinny arm had reached up and grabbed the iron bar over my head.
"I didn't pay much attention to it at the time, until a few seconds later, I felt my feet leave the ground. I figured out the orangutan, who weighed 110 pounds (and I weighed about 230 at the time) had just done a one-arm pull up with something like three times her body weight.
"I realized I was in deep and serious trouble, and the grin on my face turned to stark terror. I was no longer squeezing the ape, but actually holding on her back for fear of my life. The orangutan, while she held us in mid air with one arm, reached around with this other long skinny arm and grabbed me from the back of my neck and slung me the length of the cage, through the door which I immediately took exit from the cage."
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whereas if he had quietly gone to sit in a corner of the cage and avoided eye contact while making soft "ook" noises he would have made an easy hundred bucks.
The science fiction writer Lucius Shepard tells an hilarious monkey fighting story here: http://community.livejournal.com/theinferior4/223621.html?thread=1692037.
Dang right, Takky. I was at the zoo on a quiet day. A young orang utan walked past me, dragging a stick. I sat in the window sill, tilted my head and gave him a (no teeth) smile. He walked over to me, sat beside me and leaned against the glass, as if to sit in my lap. Then he reached his stick toward me as if to rest it against my cheek.
"See Pete?" I said to my son, "I'm one with the ahneemahls."
"Dad," Pete replied, "He tried to kill you with his stick!"
On a serious note, those a-holes taking pleasure in tormenting animals is the attitude that comes to mind when I hear the phrase "preserving tradional values". d8^P
I've always wonder about the idea that apes are pound-for-pound several times stronger than humans. Is it an urban myth? If it's true, HOW is it true? Is it because of different leverage due to the different attachment points of their muscles? Are their muscles fundamentally made of different *stuff* than ours?
I asked this on MythBusters, but no-one could adequately address it and Adam and Jamie didn't use it on the show.
I've googled around for an answer but couldn't find anything but anecdotes.
Orangutan: "Oh, hi there big boy. That's a nice cuddle."
*Guy picks up Orangutan*
Orangutan: "Oh, you like it rough, do you?"
Channel-surfing a couple years ago I happened upon a show called "Man vs. Beast" on (what else) Fox, in which human athletes had to compete with some member of the animal kingdom. A sumo wrestler in a tug-of-war with an orangutan, a competitive eating champion facing off against a grizzly bear with a plate of hot dogs, that sort of thing. I believe the animals won handily in most of the match-ups.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
"Right turn, Clyde."
St. James, sixty-six, a former high school football star and onetime Nascar driver, is severely disabled and disfigured. There's a two-inch hole in the heel of his swollen left foot, and he is confined to a wheelchair. He has no nose, only a red, raw, exposed septum, surrounded by narrow openings. At the top are three tiny magnets designed to hold in place a crude silicone prosthesis, which is constantly falling off. His right eye is gone, replaced with glass. The skin on his face droops like candle wax because so many bones around his cheeks and eyes were broken. His mouth, which has been completely reconstructed, is stuck in a frown. On his left hand, his index, middle, and ring fingers are stumps. His right hand is much worse. He has a misshapen hunk of flesh for a thumb, which appears as if it were lumped onto his wrist with clay. His index and middle fingers are gone; his ring finger and pinkie are immobile.
But St. James's crying has nothing to do with his physical condition. He's crying because of news he and LaDonna recently received about what really can only be called their boy.
The Worst Story I Ever Heard
Simon - Google brought me here: http://www.livescience.com/common/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1946
Which leads to:
"How Strong is a Chimpanzee?" by John Hawks http://www.slate.com/id/2212232/ and "The Secret to Chimp Strength" http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/secret-chimp-strength-19921.html
Short answer: yes, apes are about twice as strong as puny humans, and scienticians aren't sure why. I guess DARPA's isn't funding battlechimp studies. Yet.
Long answer:
1) Chimp muscles have longer fibers
2) Apes have two copies of the activated gene MYH16, which is associated with (at least) jaw muscles. Humans don't.
3) Many humans have also lost the muscle-related gene ACTN3, unlike apes. Humans who are elite sprinters often to have two copies of the activated gene; elite marathoners often have two unactivated copies.
4) Humans have more grey matter in their spine than chimps, which may mean that we've traded fine motor control for raw strength.
5) As part of fine motor control, humans may have an inhibitor that prevents us from twitching all our muscles at once - when we do, it leads to 'hysterical strength' (if you turn green for more than four hours, notify your doctor).
#4 With regard to ape strength, yes, studies have confirmed that apes are much stronger than we are, weight for weight. There's some interesting recent research that tries to explain why this is in terms of differences in our nervous systems:
http://www.physorg.com/news157653323.html
The researcher suggests that the features of our nervous system that give us fine motor control prevent us from using our full force under most circumstances. Apes, which aren't so constrained, are able to exert much more muscular force.
Humans use a higher percentage of caloric intake for brain function than other animals, even when you compensate for relative brain/body size. In many species, males use more energy for appearance while females use energy for maintaining robust health. Different species and genders budget the same resources in different ways.
If you're looking for something humans are great at, it's endurance. Have a 20km run in the hottest part of the day. By the 10-15km mark, all the animals would be dead of heat stroke.
If you don't have bow and arrows, this is also one way to hunt. You know the story about the tortoise and the hare? Humans are not hares.
yup, bushmen take game by patiently running until it gives up.
Why are apes so strong? They must need it.
I went to a boss's house for supplies. We went inside, where an African lion walked up to me. He wasn't full grown yet; 'bout the size of a German shepherd. He arose and put his paws on my shoulders, then put a love bite on my breast- not hard enough to even bruise, or tear the jacket.
I put my hands on his forearms, then slid my hands to his shoulders and sides. He was purring. The muscles on that cat just rippled. I shuddered to think of the immense power of this creature. Raised indoors. Just naturally strong. Geeesh!
Look, if you want me to turn, just point!
*slap*
It's a wrong way!
*slap*
Now what was that for?
(shut up Flanders!)
I saw one show that described the strength of the orangutan as being able to rip a mans arm from it's socket. I live in the Atlanta area and our ape exhibits are wonderful, I once saw an orang pick up a massive log and toss it like it was nothing when I was at the zoo and from then on was a firm believer in keeping my distance.
I was going to post that story of the chimp attack. Those animals are absolutely vicious, we always see them in diapers while young and think oooh a monkey in a diaper. It's conditioned ignorance...
A friend of mine's grandfather once fought (and won!) against an orangutan at a fair. He has the winner's certificate to prove it. I guess the old man watched contestants box (and lose) against the simian for awhile, and when it was his turn, he refused the bright orange helmet. My friend's grandfather realized the beast was conditioned to attack the headgear. The orangutan just cowered in the corner as he pummeled it. The trainer pulled him off, and grudgingly gave him the prize money. Then he asked the winner to give his word not to come back, or tell how he won.
Well, your friend's grandfather didn't keep his word, did he?
"The orangutan just cowered in the corner as he pummeled it."
Now I'm sad. :(
You definitely should send this to Karl Pilkington.