The Least Exciting Moments in Sports
Wow, it's Mike Hargrove week here at BoingBoing. Yesterday, I wrote about the 35th Anniversary of the 10-Cent Beer Riots at Cleveland's Municipal Stadium. As baseball buffs may remember, rookie first baseman Mike Hargrove was a prime target of drunken fans, getting pelted with missiles of all sorts including an empty jug of Thunderbird. (As one commenter pointed out, who would in the world would smuggle in a bottle of T-Bird when beer is only a dime?) But Hargrove survived, and played well in the pros for the next 10 years.
I thought of Hargrove last night while watching the not-worth-watching fourth quarter of the Laker-Magic game. Now, you may be asking yourself, what does Mike Hargrove have to do with the NBA playoffs? Well , Hargrove had a nickname as a player. He was called "The Human Rain Delay" because he took soooo long to stand in the batter's box. He drove pitchers (and fans) crazy. Hargrove may be extreme but there seems to be a lot of waiting around in pro sports.
I'm making up a highlight reel of the least exciting moments in professional sports. It's for those nights when I need help falling asleep.
1. The point after touchdown. Why does this still exist? This is nothing more than an excuse to go get another beer.
2. The intentional walk. Wow, the excitement of watching a pitcher and catcher to stand up and lob baseballs to one another. Definitely something I can't get enough of.
3. Watching a relief pitcher throw yet more warm up pitches on the mound. Hasn't this guy been throwing in the bullpen for last 10 minutes?
4. Any NBA game where there's a 10 point difference with less than 3 minutes to play. Garbage time. (Okay, this isn't hard and fast rule. In 1977, the Milwaukee Bucks overcame a 29 point deficit with 8:43 seconds remaining. But that's pretty darn rare.)
5. The NFL instant replay challenge. When Ed Hochuli walks to the sideline and puts on the cans, you know you're in for excitement.
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golf.
Damn it Abe, you beat me to it!
1. They are missed occasionally, option to go for 2 points.
2. It takes less than 25 seconds and is a strategic decision which in itself can be very interesting.
3. Pitching needs to be precise, both pitcher and catcher should calibrate to each other and the mound. Also, commercial break opportunity.
4. Actually any NBA game of any score with more than 3 minutes to play.
5. The decision is exciting if you care for the game in the first place...come on.
Extra points are important for the math of the game. They're unreliable enough that a touchdown shouldn't automatically be seven points. Plus there's two point conversions.
Wow. Sports on BB. That's a wonderful thing.
1. Scott Norwood proved the relevance.
2. I've seen pitchers muff the toss and advance a runner.
3. That's when to get your beer.
4. 3 minutes, ten points? That's plenty of time with three-point shooters and clock-stopping timeouts and fouls.
5. Imagine how IR would lengthen baseball.
1) @3 - How about always have 2-pointers? OR... have a sliding scale, the further away you start the play, the more points you get if you get into the end zone in one play? 2 points from the 2 yard line (or whereever it is now), 3 points form the 10, 4 points form the 20, 5 form the 30, etc?
2. The intentional walk. Agree 100%. Have a visible hand signal that the pitcher can give so that there is no confusion and arguing after the fact and just let them give a batter the base.
3. @3 - Agree with you here. The visitng team's warm-up mounds are always suspicious.
4. Any NBA game....period.
5. The NFL instant replay challenge. If anyone is familiar with how professional rugby does it, it is a small improvement. The ref on the field just gets n the mic and asks an official in the booth a quesiton "Did the guy touch the ball down before he got tackled" and the official in the booth, who was reviewing the play as soon as the play ended and before he was even asked, answres the question. No booth on the sideline involved and it keeps things going.
- Injury timeouts for the opposing team. Get off the field, wimp! ;)
- Timeouts in general.
- Long discussions on the mound.
- Running out the clock in football (taking a knee).
Wait a second... are you meaning to say that an excuse to get another beer is a bad thing?
1: The chains in football. A beautiful example of something being far too precise (the chains) used in a system that is far too inaccurate (I think the ball was here when his knee or elbow or whatever touched the ground. Of course there were ten guys on him so I really couldn't see it...)
2: Commercial "time-outs" in hockey. I am old enough to remember when there were none. Used to be a great sport.
3: As mentioned elsewhere, the last three minutes of any NBA game. It's a game of H-O-R-S-E played with people who can't make the one shot required.
4: Any race on a circular track. NASCAR made the "Car of Tomorrow" which was safer and less prone to crashes. Their viewership is sinking like the Hindenburg in a napalm factory. The only reason to watch oval track racing is for the crashes.
5: "Professional" Poker. I guess this is being called a sport now. "He has two aces in the hole... I think he is going to fold... no... wait... he is going to play! Amazing. I never would have thought that!"
1) PAT: Yeah, I need another beer. What's your problem?
2) IW: Agree. Would like to see more faking out. (e.g., Catcher stands up, takes a few. Then crouches down to grab a strike the next time.)
3) Warmups: Agree. There should be a set number of pitches once taking the mound. Keep your guys loose, managers.
4) NBA: I've long held that they should flip a coin, give the winner 8 points, and then play for two minutes. We could wrap up an NBA season in a day with no loss of excitement.
5) Instant Replay: Are you insane? Barroom lawyering over the finer points of the rules, and how Hochuli just fucked them up and the refs must have had side bets on the game and the Steelers suck... Damn, dude. That IS football.
If you don't think Point After Touchdowns are important, try missing one.
This is so BORING!
I dont' agree with #1..point afters mean a ton and they are missed often.
cant believe no one mentioned soccer and NASCAR yet...those are just behind golf as a great way to get a nap in.
I agree that there should just be a signal the pitcher gives to walk a guy. It would save time, and the rare instances of wild pitches, passed balls, and hitters swinging anyway are too rare to care about. (IWs *are* interesting strategically, because at least you know what's happening. It can be hard to tell when a pitcher is just pitching around, say, a Pujols.)
MOST BORING MOMENT IN BASEBALL: Repeated throws to first to hold the batter on. I agree with Bill James, these should be limited to two per inning. After that, each unsuccessful throw counts as a ball.
Pitching changes should also be limited during play. There should be either a strict limit, or you're allowed to make changes after a certain number of runs has scored. No delaying the game with your boring platooning.
Clearly this poster has never watched a test match game of cricket. There is only 5 mins of excitement spread over whole game and this is a game lasts 5 days!
I'm going to pretend I know what a single one of those things you mentioned, means, and agree with everyone at the same time.
Yeah, first point and two down in the 12th quarter, taking an intentional walk to get some beer from the bullpen before the timeout.. I hate that.
*cough*
Did I leave anything out?
There are exceptions to all of these. Let's turn to youtube.
#1: John Carney misses extra point after miracle touchdown by the Saints at the end of the game in week 16 of 2003, which would have sent the game to OT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTGco82JKHo
#2 In a minor league game recently there was a walk off wild pitch on an intentional walk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GOtAQ__wks
#3 No exception here, but as was stated earlier: "Pitching needs to be precise, both pitcher and catcher should calibrate to each other and the mound."
#4 Spurs/Rockets from 2004: 8 point game with 35 seconds left, then Tracy McGrady started hitting 3's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_CGxj3dHGA
#5 If it's a pivotal point in a game, there can be much tension. Perhaps recall Denver/San Diego from early last season?
While yes, not generally exciting moments, they are what they are and every once in awhile these situations create very unexpected and VERY exciting results.
Least exciting moments in sports: The College Bowl undercard games. Absolutely nothing at stake, both teams getting paid off big time by sponsors and ticket sales, not to mention some of the least interesting matchups in the history of sports (that goes for the BCS games too).
1. The kick after touchdown is mostly a formality in the NFL. How about a touchdown is now worth 7, what used to be the 2-point conversion and is now worth 1 point, but if you don't get the ball to the endzone you lose a point.
I've never understood the logic of scoring a safety in football. It's not a boring thing, it's sort of cool actually, but it doesn't make sense to me.
@yesno - regarding throws to first to hold the runner on, what do you mean by 'unsuccessful throw'? One that does not get the runner out? There's some logic to that, I think I agree with it. I would lose the two freebies, though, and also count a successful (out-gaining) throw as a strike against the batter.
Gotta disagree with #2, the intentional walk.
Ed Hoculi is so gonna kick your ass. Have you seen that guy's guns?
@17 Zan
Which is what we have now, without the opportunity for a trick play (which doesn't happen nearly often enough, I admit.)
My least exciting moment in baseball: when batters constantly step out of the batter's box between pitches to readjust their hitting gloves, spit, etc. Completely unnecessary. Baseball can be a brisk game when the flow isn't constantly interrupted like this.
My favorite useless moment is the REVERSE ANGLE script that pops up on replays. It's as if with out it, people would be yelling "OH MY GOD THEY'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!!" and pandemonium would ensue. I think that after decades of seeing the magic of the instant replay, we can figure it out.
@19 Tofoomeister -
Now THAT is a wonderful thing!
I wish I lived in a team with a minor league baseball team. Oh wait, I do... Pittsburgh.
10 points with less than 3 minutes left? You're crazy! You'd miss all-time achievements like this:
T-Mac dropped in 13 point BY HIMSELF once with 34 SECONDS left in the game, and the Rockets beat the Spurs by 1 point.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXUfP7fUD5w
NBA is not boring unless Kobe is playing.
The NFL coin toss is usually as exciting as a colonoscopy.
But I like watching the relief pitcher throw any warm up pitches on the mound. Listen for the velocity, the pop. Will he be meat for the batters or a @#$%! rock star?
For those nights when I need help falling asleep I read Bill Gurstelle.
All those jocks who gave me purple nurples in high school... now I know how they felt. :)
Some of these objections are just weird. #3--there IS a set number of warmups from the mound, and you better believe the umpire is counting them. If your TV station is cutting away from commercials too soon, take it up with them. And @13's suggestion that we limit the number of pickoff moves... um... it's just possible that such a rule would have unintended consequences.
That said, you could really nitpick any of these, but that would miss the larger point, which is that not everything in sports or any other human endeavor can be nonstop excitement! Know what I hate about books? All that characterization and rising action and denouement! Hey, Dickens, we get it, he's an orphan, now skip to the payoff!
@#5 Teller: Sorry to be a picker of nits, but Norwood's famous choke was on a 47-yard field goal attempt, not a PAT.
As to the post: The PAT, as was pointed out above, affects the math of the game dramatically, in that a missed/blocked PAT (which does occasionally happen) means the TD was worth the same as two field goals. Also, since the NFL adopted the 2-point conversion, there's sometimes a major strategy decision in deciding whether to take a near-certain single point, or going for a less-certain two.
6) Studio audience claps after square reveals "Daily Double" in Jeopardy.
Come one, that's a sport isn't it?
bowling
(how can we tell Big Ed never had a colonoscopy?)
I remember watching an NBA game where Tracy McGrady scored 13 points in the last 35 seconds to come from eight down and beat the Spurs. Not a frequent happening, but certainly the potential is there. I was one possession away from turning the TV off.
Can't watch baseball, golf, and pseudo-sports like NASCAR myself. And I play basketball, so I guess that might factor in.
Flipping a coin. Colonoscopy. Hrmm.
You know I just can't decide which one I'd prefer.
@#22 Empirechick:
Your minor leaguers just swept the Mets, don't count them out so quickly.
Sometimes the point strategy in football is about as interesting as the game itself.
It builds a lot of tension as you wait for the team to make their choice, in a close game you can almost hear people hold their breath as they wait to see what happens.
I think the NFL has done a remarkable job with how points are scored, yeah most games follow a predictable pattern, but when you get one of those outliers it's a game people talk about for weeks.
@ 12 and any other soccer haters. You obviously have never watched the sport seriously.
Pick a team, make a sizable bet on a match and then watch. You will be amazed at how fast-paced and edge of the seat it can be.
NFL replays = boring...but Ed Hochuli is anything but boring. In fact, between his blown calls and biceps bigger than at least half of the players, he is arguably the most interesting part of any game he's involved in. How many people know that he is an attorney in AZ?
The deflation portion of the colonoscopy experience, especially when the patient is coming down from sodium pentathol and feeling "chatty", can be quite exciting.
Or, at least, quite amusing!
What's with all the basketball hate?
a 10 point difference with 3 minutes is definitely not garbage time, there is plenty of time to make a comeback. Reggie miller alone scored 8 points in 9 seconds to comeback and win game 1 of the 1995 eastern conference finals.
The Milwaukee Bucks comeback doesn't go against your rule. They overcame those 29 points in 8 minutes and 43 seconds. Anyway, 3 minutes is a long time in basketball.
While I agree with most of what you say, that's the worst definition of NBA "garbage time" I've ever seen. THREE MINUTES and TEN POINTS? My god the Timberwolves must have blown a dozen last minute ten-point leads last season alone!
@39 Anon
Ed is one of our favorite refs. Probably the fave. So, I'm not dissing him per se, but pointing out that *even he* will make STUPID calls. HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT? *huffs paper bag*
@41 Easy
It's not so much hate, as it is realizing that it just doesn't matter until the final [x] minutes. It's the exact opposite of soccer. And works about as well. If interminable tension, or pointless scoring, is your thing, well you've found your sport.
you got penta?!
1. Curling
Also, any game that doesn't matter. When you've got two mathematically eliminated teams playing against each other towards the end of a regular season, it's just sad.
Hey now, the extra point can be blocked too. As a Bears fan, I know how the defense can make more of an impact than the offense.
For basketball, Bill James has calculated when a lead is "safe", and you can go get your beer.
* Take the number of points one team is ahead.
* Subtract three.
* Add a half-point if the team that is ahead has the ball, and subtract a half-point if the other team has the ball. (Numbers less than zero become zero.)
* Square that.
* If the result is greater than the number of seconds left in the game, the lead is safe.
curling is not a sport (unless you count drinking contests).
@44 Church
I'm pretty sure in most games, the points that you have when the bell/buzzer/whistle sounds are the ones that really matter. All the same, it's all those "pointless" points that engage you throughout your game of choice and put relevance to the final score.
I've seen bball game outcomes that were decided two minutes in as well with zero left on the clock.
here are some fun dunks from a season ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6LBkOS3GE0
The biggest problem with tv baseball is direction. Chest and head shots are fine for about two seconds. Now give me a wide shot to see how the defense is set up. Or just make the default shot seven rows up behind home plate instead of the insanely foreshortened centerfield camera. You see the pitcher, the action on the pitch, the defense, the runners on base. That's where I always sit when I get my druthers, because it puts you at the center of the action.
Curling is a combination drinking/hypothermia endurance competition. So yes, a sport.
now, if they combined curling with Ultimate fighting...
Yay, sports on Boing Boing! All it took was a guest editor. I've been submitting unusual sports articles for year in an attempt to achieve the same result.
Are there boring moments in ice hockey or soccer/football? I can't think of any.
#30 Madmolecule: Of course you're right! Was a FG not a PAT. That's almost as dumb as having a fly ball bounce off my head for a home run.
boring hockey?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MDgdAMPc4c
If you don't like the boring parts, watch sportscenter.
@36 Tofoomeister -
And right before that they lost 2 of 3 to the basement dwelling (in the NL Central) Astros.
Not to worry, we're only 120 days away from setting the major league record for consecutive losing seasons!
@35 Church -
Maybe you should flip a coin.
Least Exciting Moments in Sports: Every. Single. Second.
Okay, except for injuries.
I'm too geeky to enjoy sports. Playing them is too bloody dangerous; also I'm asthmatic and have terrible eyesight, neither of which was corrected while I was in grade school, so I quickly learned that I was going to be humiliated in just about every sport ever invented. This has stuck with me lifelong, though I now have vision correction and my asthma has been quiet for years.
Why someone would watch other people play games on television is a source of ongoing amazement to me. My father and brothers got all excited about football; I found it mentally numbing and headache-inducing. I have friends who are baseball fans; I can stand to watch baseball long enough to change channels, that's about it. I cannot imagine how anyone can watch golf. Play it, yes, that I can understand, though not share; but watch it? Whatever for? There's really nothing to SEE there.
I feel like an anthropologist from an alien planet whenever people talk about sports. Someone tried to explain cricket to me once...actually, it's been attempted more than once, but even the explanation took longer than I have patience for, and a game that can take several days to play...well, I'd rather paint something on a rainy day and observe it closely until it's not sticky any more.
Enjoy it all you like, you crazy humans. I'm glad if it brings you joy. And I deeply believe that sports are a substitute for wars between neighboring cities; they are justified by their considerably lower rates of death among young people, so the Red Sox and the Yankees have a rivalry instead of Boston and New York having a shooting war. It's not that I don't see the social benefit of sports, not at all.
It's just that there's no grok here.
Have to echo some sentiments here William, you're way off with basketball. As #41 Easy Mo Drew mentioned, Reggie Miller's 8 points in 9 seconds sums it up.
I was wondering how long it would take for someone to bash curling :) If you're bashing it you've clearly never watched a game! It's the ultimate sport for geeks. The amount of strategy that goes into playing a great game is amazing.
For video evidence check out contenders for 2009 Shot of the Year at http://www.curltv.com/news/curltv/shots-of-the-year.php. If you only watch one, watch #28. Throwing a rock that far and being able to get the pinpoint angle accuracy to take out both yellow stones by using his own rock, and then stick around for two, is incredible. From a strategy perspective, the opposing team *saw* that shot had a SLIM possibility of working and tried to block it one rock earlier. But they missed by a foot, and Glenn was able to score three.
#30 is also pretty fun.
Neil
Didn't take too long for the "Hmph, I don't care about sports. (but I read the post and wrote this comment anyway)" comments. Do you chime in on BBTV episodes to inform everyone that you don't own a television too?
I used to be one of those people that either hated or just didn't care about sports, so I can relate to those of you who are confused or annoyed by all the sports talk here. I used to make juvenile comparisons between sports and war, but it was sour grapes on my part, I thought I knew more than I did. I can think of a lot of great things about baseball, and so very few about war. Sure, there are idiotic goons who wear team jerseys to their weddings, and shout "your team SUCKS!" at the top of their lungs, but those guys would be loudmouths even without sports; the game is the game and remains perfect in its own way, unaffected by them. All I can say is "all things in moderation"-- I won't let myself sit and watch a baseball game if I have other things to do, but I might listen on the radio while I'm doing them.
There is a certain zen-like beauty in baseball that I can't explain: the tension, the balance, the precision, the sudden burst of all-out action. I can appreciate other sports but there's something magical and romantic and historic about baseball that nothing else has.
"I see great things in baseball. It's our game - the American game. It will take our people out-of-doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism. Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set. Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us." ~Walt Whitman
@54 Darren Barefoot: Are there boring moments in ice hockey or soccer/football? I can't think of any.
In football: When there's a minute left on the clock in the 4th quarter, and the team that's ahead has possession, so they just fall down on the ball each time and try to run the clock out. Bonus boredom if the losing team has any time outs left. Rarely exciting.
There is a reason I only watch hockey. And only the playoffs, at that.
@67 When I said 'soccer/football', I meant the sport that North Americans call 'soccer', and everybody else on the planet calls 'football'. I personally find American football--the sport with lots of pads and an oblong ball--dreadfully dull.
5. I hate instant replay. I like it when they use them up in the first quarter so they don't ruin an important part of the game. It's even worse in hockey. They actually used it in overtime once at the world championship. That really, really sucked.
Least Exciting Moments in Sports: Every. Single. Second.
Try boxing. Blood spatter is even better in slo-mo replay.
ask anyone who watched rollie fingers strike out johnny bench with an "intentional walk" in the...'72(?) world series about them.
ah the things that should be on youtube...
Watching 'Elite' (association) football players putting more effort into acting injured after a tackle than they ever do playing. That triggers the physio/doctor/paramedics/undertakers and slack time for the fan.
They should take some lessons from Rugby, take a temporary 'Blood' replacement if you're dripping some gore, get stitched on the sidelines, back to the fray.
#66 Ill Lich:
THANK YOU FOR THAT!!!!!!
Just awesome.
there's kind of a weird elegance to the intentional walk though.
Are there boring moments in ice hockey or soccer/football? I can't think of any.
See, I'm a baseball fan, and I've tried watching soccer on multiple occasions, had things explained to me, watched during the World Cup, etc., and I still can't remember a moment that wasn't boring. Same goes for golf and NASCAR.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
The problem difference is in soccer and hockey the exciting minutes are too often upredicable. "Nothing, maybe something, nothing, maybe something, GOAAAAAAAAAL!" Fun as hell if you're playing, but demands a lot from the audience.
Baseball and especially (real) football tend to tell you when to pay attention. "Nothings happening, now they're going to try something, it did/n't work. Nothing's happening." You know when to get your beer.
@77
(Real) football! You're joking right?
In what sense is this bastardised Rugby football in Power Ranger suits (however exiting) the 'Real' football?
The 1660 'Book of Games' doesn't mention 'American' football.
And it's not in the game codified in the 1863 (Association Football) or 1870 (Rugby Football).
I call *Blegh* on your 'Real'
What is more boring than a soccer-game ending in 0-0? In what others sports can than happen? I can't think of any
@76
Have you ever watched The New Jersey Devils Play? Ugh. That boredom is due to the system implemented by the team and not due to the game fortunately.
I have to agree that running out the clock in football is the worst way a sporting event can end. It is so anticlimactic. If the team's were forced to play you would very likely see an upset by the losing team. I for one, cannot see how football would be any worse off is 'taking a knee' were removed from the game. Obviously I know it would be damn near impossible to remove it but I just hate it so damn much.
#55 Teller: Thanks for making reference to my all-time favorite boneheaded play ever! (Get it? Boneheaded? Ha!) Just thinking about Jose Canseco looking like a fool makes me smile.
For those who aren't familiar, here's a clip: http://www.buzzhumor.com/videos/3418/Jose_Canseco_Fluke_Homerun
Okay, sure, boxing. It's mostly team sports I can't stand. Anything that's one individual against another, or one individual against him(or her)self is quite watchable. I've probably watched more tennis than all other sports combined. It's still only a few hours when Wimbledon's going on, but it's still many years since I've watched.
There really oughtta be more of a commercial push behind fencing. That's something you'd think more people could get behind.