Wails and Mumbles
(Bill Gurstelle is guest blogging here on Boing Boing. He is the
author of books including Backyard
Ballistics, and the recently-published Absinthe
and Flamethrowers)
Allo! I am Marcel, zee scienteest in charge of gift bag quality control at ze large internationale film festivals. Every day, I am faced with ze daunting task of carefully evaluating the products of the thousands of companies eager to put free samples in the gift bags of Hollywood stars.
But only the best products, like Magic Jack or Almighty Cleanse make it through our rigorous, film-festival gift-bag quality control.
As hard as I try to safeguard ze integrity of our gift bags, sometimes the unfortunate occurs. One time, during a screening of Rochelle, Rochelle at Cannes, and against my better judgment, I allowed Kevin Trudeau to place inferior quality promotional ball point pens in ze gift bag. One of them leaked ink on Halle Barry's cashmere sweater. If Angelina Jolle had not taken the Shamwow from her gift bag and blotted up ink, mon Dieu, I would left be sweeping streets in Marseilles.
Hydroxatone is so effective, it was given away in gift bags at international film festivals!- advertisement for Hydroxatone, a very expensive wrinkle cream flogged constantly on late night cable television and talk radio stations.
Allo! I am Marcel, zee scienteest in charge of gift bag quality control at ze large internationale film festivals. Every day, I am faced with ze daunting task of carefully evaluating the products of the thousands of companies eager to put free samples in the gift bags of Hollywood stars.
But only the best products, like Magic Jack or Almighty Cleanse make it through our rigorous, film-festival gift-bag quality control.
As hard as I try to safeguard ze integrity of our gift bags, sometimes the unfortunate occurs. One time, during a screening of Rochelle, Rochelle at Cannes, and against my better judgment, I allowed Kevin Trudeau to place inferior quality promotional ball point pens in ze gift bag. One of them leaked ink on Halle Barry's cashmere sweater. If Angelina Jolle had not taken the Shamwow from her gift bag and blotted up ink, mon Dieu, I would left be sweeping streets in Marseilles.
the latest
latest episodes
I think I like you, Mister Guestblogger.
Thank you.
That line of the commercial has irked me every time I've heard it on the radio.
"Our product works so well, we tried to give it away for free, and some people actually took it!"
I obviously need a new, bigger font. I managed to mis-read it as "I allowed Kevin Trudeau to place inferior quality promotional ball point penis in ze gift bag. One of them leaked ink on Halle Barry's cashmere sweater."
And now the mental imagery won't go away...
#3 - That's not a misread, that's what it says.
Ball point, eh? Maybe Kevin should go see someone about that...
Scrotum to glans surgery is all the rage among the jet-set this year. Didn't you know?
Copperstein.
Best. Guestblogger. Ever.
Ho-ho! Lucky Pierre wishes to rummage through your international film festival gift bag and dip his fingers in your wrinkle cream!
No, mais serioussment, Lucky Pierre really needs to moisturize, his little fingers, they get so dry. *mimes pointing to a tear*
Mr. Gurstelle, you are my new favourite guestblogger.
Mumbles, Wales?
http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&q=mumbles,+wales&um=1&ie=UTF-8&split=0&gl=us&ei=elsoSo3vFtLelQfQ94G2Aw&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1
For international film festival attendees, only the most delicious flavors of free ice cream will suffice, lest they complain.
I can't decide which has more credibility; the miracle cream "given away at film festivals," or the anti-cold supplement "developed by a schoolteacher."
If only there was a product that schoolteachers gave away to famous celebrities I would buy it in a heartbeat.
Actually, I won't buy *anything* unless it has been found under the seats in Oprah's TV studio!
You kick ze previous guest blogger's ass. To ze hell with silly questions like are ze rocks alive?
Why don't we hang out more? I keep forgetting.
This is my second-favorite commercial right now, after the Gold Guys at the Mall of America touting how well their store did in the Star Trib's VERY SERIOUS UNDERCOVER JOURNALISM study of how much money you get at local cash-4-gold places. It's the heartwarming music they play in the background that really gets me.