Business cards made from meat

200904232120

I wonder what the "your business card is crap" guy would have to say about these, because his fancy card has just been pwned by these awesome meat cards.

We start with 100% beef jerky, and SEAR your contact information into it with a 150 WATT CO2 LASER.

Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients:

MEAT AND LASERS.

Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.

Meat cards

55 Comments Add a comment

Takuan #1 9:32 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply
Nawel #2 9:45 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

I'm sure some people would love to have these on bacon

Uncle_Max #3 9:57 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

I don't even have a business I'd need cards for, but the combination of MEAT AND LASERS is pretty damn irresistible.

eclectro #4 10:01 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

"Mmmmmm glad to meat you Mr. Teriyaki--I mean Mr. Smith."

Anon #5 10:09 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

And you can save them all for the day when, unemployed, you need to use them as food.

mdh #6 10:12 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

That's an awesome card for a guy who sells lasers that burn words onto business cards.

scothampton #7 10:19 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

Wow. This puts my meat-catapulting catapult (with sausage wheels no less) to shame.
Meat and lasers go together better than hipsters and pbr, dreadlocks and lice, or even, dare I say, fat cops and tasers.
I wonder though if they make a soy-based version for our friendly neighborhood vegetarian businesses.

Anon #8 10:21 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

business carn

EH #9 10:23 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

this is an idea i can really sink my teeth into.

IamInnocent #10 10:35 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

Firm tofu is already pretty much like cardboard if you ask me. No need for a laser either: just have them embroided with hemp.

misshallelujah #11 10:51 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

I'd love to see how this holds up in tropical weather. Can you say, "roach magnet"?

Takuan #12 11:16 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

I wonder.... has anyone had their business card seared onto THEIR meat? Bueller? Bueller?

Spikeles #13 11:18 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

I'm gonna get a bunch of these, and drive around in my chocolate powered race-car made out of vegetables handing them out.

Antinous / Moderator #14 11:22 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

I want to see Mister Your-Business-Card-Is-Crap tearing up some poor CSO's Slim Jim card and talking about his own card made of venison carpaccio.

The Lizardman #15 11:27 PM Thursday, Apr 23, 2009 Reply

I don't eat meat and I still want these

IWood #16 12:01 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

150 watts? Fuck that shit.

Anon #17 12:02 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

tasty way to loose your contacts

reginald #18 12:31 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

I wonder how Patrick Bateman would react?

Gainclone #19 12:46 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

>>8

I lol'd

Anon #20 12:50 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Ah, yes. meat and lasers. both of which are contained in the first column of the PERIODIC TABLE OF AWESOME. http://www.zazzle.com/periodic_table_of_awesome_poster-228539056326054238

Anon #21 12:57 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

yes, it's a great omg-what-if stoner thought, but whoever woke up and gave it a kiss now has to run this stupid company all day long. won't be a week or two before they wonder wtf they were thinking...though hell, maybe they're making money. it is just stupid enough to become popular...

Anon #22 1:06 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply
Anon #23 1:26 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

I find it somewhat unfathomable how a business card (which you are supposed to save for contact information) and meat jerky (which you are supposed to eat)go together.

Auto Parts for Brains #24 1:52 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Keep these off the PETA guy's eyes. They will surely have a seizure over this one.

adonai #25 2:07 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

I really don't get the general internet obsession with meat in general (and bacon in particular). I mean, I like meat fine, but...it's just food. *shrug*

tuktuk #26 2:36 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

oh adonai, you poor, poor soul. bacon is no more "just a food" than the sun is "merely a light".

disco3000 #27 2:56 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

MY business card isn't crap....yet.

jackie31337 #28 4:16 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Anonymous @19 Ah, yes. meat and lasers. both of which are contained in the first column of the PERIODIC TABLE OF AWESOME.

Actually, if you look closely, that's metal in the first column. Meat is in the first row of the far right column.

nanuq #29 4:59 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

The risk of spoilage would be a drawback. Would this work for beef jerky too?

spt3125 #30 5:12 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

@#1, nice!
another obligatory 'made of meat' reference:
http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000484.html

Anon #31 5:16 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

can i get mine in buffalo jerky? mmmmmm....

strider_mt2k #32 5:25 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply
eagleapex #33 5:31 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Re: spoilage.
A vacuum sealer is in our meaty business plan. Also "this is not food" stickers.

Bugs #34 6:24 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

They need to make a demo set for
"Soylent Industries: Our business card is people"

IamInnocent #35 6:58 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Sorry for multi-commenting but I love connections too much. These cards would be great for this dog walking agency : http://www.boingboing.net/2009/04/11/bizarre-dog-walking.html ...
...only if they don't already, with their peculiar mindset, print their own on toilet paper, a medium which this woman http://boingboing.net/2009/04/09/crazed-costume-shop.html would gladly use to print her competition's business cards for distribution.

I am still hoping for this butterfly effected BB post some day.

Tony Moore #36 7:06 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

brilliant. these guys are guaranteed my business.

-T

Misty_Moonlight #37 7:25 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

I'm not sure how useful an edible business card is for people recalling your information when they need it, but what i know for sure, is that other thread about the guy who thinks your business card sucks is really full of the bi-product from this card. Yikes "I'm the alpha male" "I'm not gonna hire you 'cuz you can't draw" Graphic designers don't usually draw.

vettekaas #38 7:35 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

mmmmmm various pieces of meat coated in lint from my pocket.......

Sethum #39 7:44 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

@takuan, #12

It's probably safe to assume someone has tried it... Laser tattoos have already left their mark:
http://www.instructables.com/id/Laser-Tattoo/

Takuan #40 7:58 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

ah ha! interesting... now has anyone ever had a laser implanted into their meat?

Anon #41 8:13 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

The Butcher from Word Girl needs to get his hands on some of these.

Butch Decossas #42 9:17 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Things get weirder and weirder. What would be do without internet?

aelfscine #43 9:21 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

If I didn't know better, I'd think this post was just a flimsy excuse to talk about MEAT and LASERS.


...not that there's anything wrong with that. ;)

jessemoya #44 9:24 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Is this a hoax? I can't find any ordering information.

The Unusual Suspect #45 9:38 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

I admit it: I'm a cardivore.

Wingo #46 10:56 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply
Is this a hoax? I can't find any ordering information.

I know, right? I was seriously ready to order these, but it appears it may just be silliness.

Such a bummer.

The Lizardman #47 11:55 AM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

If someone makes business cards from cheese I will order immediately. Can I get laser etching on those wax coated mini-wheels? Perhaps a meat and cheese business info combo package?

Avarice #48 3:28 PM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Pushing my way through all the LOL ITZ MADE OF MEAT THIS IS SO EPIC comments, this really is stupid and ineffective. As another poster said, business cards you save - meat you don't.

TroofSeeker #49 4:14 PM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

I've got Dick Cheney's card. It seems to be printed on human skin.

LOSERKID #50 4:52 PM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

MEAT IS #1

ArkansasProgressive #51 11:55 PM Friday, Apr 24, 2009 Reply

Still waiting for one made out of Fiberweed...

IamInnocent #52 12:28 AM Saturday, Apr 25, 2009 Reply

"...Dick Cheney's card... seems to be printed on human skin."

Ah, Troof, you make it sound so bad:

it is not like those person were dead now is it?

dainel #53 1:40 PM Saturday, Apr 25, 2009 Reply

#49 TroofSeeker, the term is vellum.

Takuan #54 1:52 PM Saturday, Apr 25, 2009 Reply
Anon #55 1:33 PM Monday, Aug 17, 2009 Reply

I'm not sure I would know what to think when upon meeting someone they reached into their pocket and handed me a chunk of meat. What to do? Stick it in your pocket? I really hope you don't forget to take it out before doing laundry. Eat it? Did the guy wash his hands after using the bathroom?

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