Three Ways to Drive an Animal to Extinction
Maggie Koerth-Baker is a guest blogger on Boing Boing. A freelance science and health journalist, Maggie lives in Minneapolis, brain dumps on Twitter, and writes quite often for mental_floss magazine.
This is totally going to lead to a flame-war with PETA, isn't it?
For the record, I am not advocating running out and killing you off a species. No, not even S. coleoptrata. I see these as sort-of cautionary tales of how human plans can go horribly, horribly wrong for the denizens of the animal kingdom. Yes, this is an excerpt from Be Amazing, but one can learn the art of fabulosity from the mistakes of others, as well as from their triumphs.
That disclaimer accomplished, let's get on to the good stuff.
Method 1: Through Gluttony
There used to be hundreds of thousands of giant tortoises roaming (slowly) about South America's Galapagos Islands. Today, there are roughly 15,000. What can we say? Turtles are tasty. In the 16th and 17th centuries, the Galapagos were the swashbuckler's equivalent of a 7-Eleven--the last chance to stock up on food before hitting the vast emptiness of the Pacific. Besides being sluggish and docile (i.e., easy to catch) the tortoises could also survive for up to a year without food or water. Sailors often captured hundreds at a time, stacked them on their backs and, thus, had fresh meat all the way to India.
Method 2: Out of Sheer Hatred
Passenger pigeons once traveled around the United States in flocks so large, they could reportedly block out the sun over a town for eight hours. In the process, they gobbled down all the fruits and grains they could get their beaks on and left the "remains" for farmers to step in. All this made them rather ... unpopular. Throughout the 19th century, killing passenger pigeons was basically the national pastime. Baited with alcohol-soaked grain, gassed with sulfur fires and loaded live into trapshooting launchers (they were later replaced with clay "pigeons"), the passenger pigeon population quickly petered out. The last one died in the Cincinnati Zoo on Sept. 1, 1914.
Method 3: Via Tragicomic Irony
Collector and proto-environmentalist Rollo Beck visited the island of Guadalupe, off Baja California, on December 1, 1900. During the trip, he sighted a flock of nine Caracaras, a rare bird he wished to study (apparently in taxidermied form), and so he shot down all but two of them. Those two turned out to be the last Caracaras ever seen alive.
It's really sad about the Caracaras, but the passenger pigeons kind of had it coming.
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Oh let us not forget #4) Because it makes your penis bigger. Ask any Tiger about that one.
Hmmmm, how about because of some type of government ethnic cleansing program? The North American Bison comes to mind.
There's wrongful, stupid importing of native species to other lands, too, like with the sad story of the starling's advent in the Americas. Damn you, William Shakespeare! Damn you, Eugene Schieffelin!
oh nonsense Mind! Everyone knows the only sure remedy for male impotence is the dried, powdered brains of a traditional Chinese herbalist. (don't tell anyone though!)
Seriously, the best way to extinguish (extinctify?) a species is to alter its environment at such speed or to such an extent that it is unable to adapt.
The Mutants really are Happier.
Bring back the Moa!
A lot go away without really a bang or a whimper.
There's probably frogs we never knew about that were wiped out by the fungi/climate change/pollution/what have you. Others may be taken out before we come close to figuring out why numbers are dropping.
Some years ago, I think at the Museum of the Rockies, I saw an exhibit on the evolution of weapons. It started with spears and ended with nuclear missiles, but that's another story.
One of the weapons on display was an absurd-looking very large bore shotgun. Supposedly back in the day there was very active trade in hunter-harvested meat, and this gun was used to harvest passenger pigeons by firing it into flocks of birds, then collecting and selling the carcasses.
If sheer hatred alone worked, I'm sure we'd be rid starlings by now.
Another: "Belief that there are millions of 'em and you can possibly kill them all!"
The Native American (Indians) used to drive herds of buffalo over cliffs by setting massive prairie fires. Only their crude methods kept them from successfully extinguishing them. (Not any innate harmony with nature!)
And another: vanity. The pubic crab louse may be on the verge of extinction due to the popularity of French women now waxing, and thus removing their habitat
http://news.softpedia.com/news/Pubic-Lice-on-the-Verge-of-Extinction-85324.shtml
And also: Fearlessness of humans.
The Dodo and probably many others had never seen humans and so didn't fear us, which often proves fatal.
Strangely enough, Dodos are said to have tasted rather bad.
Three Ways To Drive An Animal To Distraction
1. Blow in their ear.
2. Keep calling them from the closet.
3. Squirt gun.
@9 I always type French when I mean English as well.
Can we still drive viruses to extinction without feeling guilty? Smallpox was kind of an asshole.
Stupid evolution has been snuffing out species after species from day one.
Stop 'em from developing in the first place and nip it in the bud, I say!
"Hmm, I would sure love to study that bird. I better take seven of them."
I thought passenger pigeons were killed off more by the destruction of their habitats than anything else? And not to pick nits, but the majority of them were killed so that their meat could be sold as cheap food for slaves, weren't they?
"...alter its environment at such speed or to such an extent that it is unable to adapt"
usually with no thought as to what alterations are occuring or what species are at risk, or even that a species exists -- unawareness and neglect.
#13 Brainspore: Ethically, maybe it's okay to drive a virus to extinction. But practically, it's nearly impossible. At least for some simple viruses we're already at the Jurassic Park stage; if the genetic code of a virus is available, it can always be rebuilt.
The WHO wants to eradicate poliovirus from the wild, but anyone with a bachelor's degree in molecular biology, a bit of money, and some time would be able to rebuild it from scratch. That ship has already sailed; rebuilding more complex organisms are not as far off as you think.
@ WTJACKSON #18:
If we eradicate Polio and other such viruses from the wild that's good enough for me. I know smallpox still exists in a lab somewhere, but that doesn't mean the campaign to rid humanity of it was a waste of time.
Where would an aspiring supervillain go to find the source code of an extinct virus, anyway? Is there some kind of "anarchist's cookbook" for would-be bioterrorists?
Isn't that why God gave Dominion to Man? He also put teh oil in the ground, so that we'd be able to do it so much faster.
Humanity will soon have the planet it diserves.
Thanks for the wild turkey and
the passenger pigeons, destined
to be shat out through wholesome
American guts.
-Bill Burroughs, "Thanksgiving Prayer"
#19 Brainspore:
Here is all the information one needs to roll your own poliovirus. It was first published almost thirty years ago and is freely available from a variety of sources.
And just a week ago Cory Doctorow blogged an article about setting up your own lab on the cheap (BB link is broken.) I think that article is only a bit hyperbolic. In my estimation, to get a lab going capable of actually building viruses would actually be about 100x the cost described in that article.
To answer your question, yes, there are those of us who worry about the international security implications of all of this. Especially if society stops vaccinating against "extinct" viruses.
@ #23 posted by wtjackson:
Here is all the information one needs to roll your own poliovirus. It was first published almost thirty years ago and is freely available from a variety of sources.
Seriously, they sequenced the complete genome 30 years ago? I'm glad most real-life terrorists tend to be low-tech affairs.
I don't doubt there are legitimate security worries. I just don't think that should preclude efforts to eradicate these viruses in the wild.
#24 brainspore:
Poliovirus has a small genome, about the size of two human genes, so it was within technological reach in 1980. (Follow the above link and check it out.)
I of course agree in principle with eradication, but too often eradication efforts are coupled to the clause "...and then we can stop vaccinating children." That part I have trouble with.
Method 4: Sheer blundering ignorance.
Re: Passenger pigeons
It also helps to have a breeding style that relies on safety in numbers, so that once a flock gets below the tipping point, regular old predation handles the rest.
Hatred has killed more species of predators than most anything else I can think of, but the one I really can't argue much with is the Haast's Eagle. What's this? A massive eagle with a predilection for killing and eating bipeds between 4 and 9 feet tall? As much as I hate to see something that remarkable go, the Maori may have had the right idea on that one.
Don't forget because "They're just slow and trusting and MAN, are they fun to beat to death!" like the dodos. They didn't even taste all that good, apparently.
Regarding the passenger pigeon's demise, one of the staples of French Canadian cuisine is tourtière, a double crusted meat pie. Guess what the French Canadian name for passenger pigeon is? If you guessed tourte, you're right.
It's made with a mix of ground pork and veal now, but I figure we Québecois did our share of eating the species to death.
Regarding Rollo Beck, back in those days that was still the usual method of studying birds--kill 'em, stuff 'em, trade with your friends, and so forth. The do-no-harm method of modern birding didn't overtake the kill-em-all methodology until a decade or two later.
MHLAXP 16: And not to pick nits...
Honestly, read the damn thread! Crab lice are almost extinct. You don't HAVE to pick nits anymore.
What? It is? OH.
Never mind. :-)
okay! so wen can we get started on carrier pigeons!?
they crap all over our cities thus adding to our polution and clenlineis! in fact they possably also contribute to global warming! Also ive seen various near suicide attempts by them against airplanes at our local aiports which makes them terrorists, not to mention how stupid they are they dont move when cars are comming ive seen them get run over many times in my neighborhood wen they play chicken with our neigborhood vehicles (they deserve to be eaten just like chicken).
Crows on the other hand are BAD ASS!!! they are the UBERMENSCH of the animal bird species! these birds are smarter than my neighbors dog and know better than to relieve themselves on my car, just the perfect species to replace the annoyingly useless pigeon population!
CARRIER PIGEONS!...
THEIR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!
I'm with Olaf9000 and I certainly understand the 'hatred' motive, when it comes to pigeons. If we did such a great job of wiping passenger pigeons from the surface of the Earth, can we continue the job with other types of pigeon too? I'd be happy to start off by slaughtering the ones who hang out on my balcony, crap on my washing and wake me up at 5AM with their warbling.
pigeon haters of the world UNIOT! together we shall remove the shackles of pigeon instigated oppression! and lets not forget we are doing this for the CHILDREN! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINKK OF THE CHILDERN!
ALL THIS MOVEMENT NEEDS IS A LEADER!
The Guadalupe Caracara was driven to extinction by Beck, but it's only one species of Caracara! There are ten more, all still in existence...some of them are even thriving! Pick up a bird book or yeesh, at least do a Wikipedia search!
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of - A PIGEON!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2If9bVJJLY