Psychology of nerding and the joy of reckless tech
Wormbook has a lovely meditation on the hacker mindset and the satisfaction of breaking and fixing computers, quoting from Ellen Ullman’s Close to the Machine, "still the best book I know about the psychology of nerding:" "My computers are not broken, but at times like these I like the look of delicate circuit boards open to the naked air. Several hours ago, in a fit of restlessness, I decided to install a pre-release version of a new operating system. Then there seemed to be problems with some of the internal devices. So I took them out, one after the other. Now they lie all around me—cards, wires, memory modules, screws—all in a jumble. To test components, I do what I’m absolutely not supposed to do: run the machines with the covers off. I’m supposed to discharge static electricity before touching anything. But I scuff around on the carpets, grab things with two hands, hold metal to metal. I recognize the nastiness of this mood, reckless and rebellious, like I could get away with breaking the laws of physics.
There’s a perverse comfort in broken machinery."
Creative destruction (via Memex 1.1)Reading this, I realised that the rage is itself an attractive part of the process because it feels so good when it is over, and everything dissolves into order. There is something in this process of destruction and recreation that resembles the state that long articles and still more radio programmes get into, just before they get right: everything is spread out in ways that look chaotic to everyone except me, and even I can’t quite explain how they will go back together. I can only show, if I keep my concentration. The element of risk makes it far more attractive than the times when everything goes smoothly and by routine. You feel you have discovered a hidden order to the universe. Alternatively, as sometimes happens, you take it all apart and it never ever goes back together properly. All you are left with is a heap of broken junk. But that’s more common with words than with computers.
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Very interesting.
To borrow from the words of Scott Adams:
"To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:
(1) things that need to be fixed, and
(2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. "
I can still remember the giddy thrill I got when, as a 10-year-old, I got the idea to write a program in Applesoft BASIC that would overwrite random locations in memory with random values, until the whole damn thing hung up.
It's not like this was a difficult challenge. 10 Generate a random number between 0 and 65535, 20 POKE a random number between 0 and 255 into it, 30 GOTO 10. Sometimes it would stop working almost instantly, sometimes the screen would betray some flashes of computer dementia while the program kept running, and sometimes the "damage" would halt the program but leave me with an Apple //e that functioned like it was on a bad acid trip.
I used to run that program over and over again--it made me feel like a mad scientist, or maybe God. Who's the boss of you now, computer?!
(In my defense, this was my only sadistic behavior as a child. I was always kind to animals and never once took a magnifying glass to an anthill.)
I suppose I am just an un-happy mutant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1CchL-K0IQ
but, it pays the bills.
Mr Brown,
I have to ask why, after numerous comments about the seriousness of seizure disorders, you just linked to a video with flashing lights.
... self-betrayal that accompanies the ailments of being an unhappy mutant...?
Did you know that you can install the plug for a floppy drive so that one pin is left uncovered, and three are each offset one position, with one socket left free? I found out that you can do this, and I will always cherish the memory of the wires heating up and catching fire.
Please. Hacking is nothing more than a bored brain seeking something to do. Reacting to hackers has become a major industry. You are the same people. Mutation is harder than it seems. Particularly when our brains are involved. Relaxing into knowing seems to be too easy.
to support ur post FLTNDBOAT - the true "hacker" cannot have the intention of harming someone elses system as an intention - that should be called something else entirely (btw i kno crap about computers) --- oh and how did "creative destruction" get rerouted into the social issue of "hacking" - did i miss something?
i said intention twice... how do i edit?
"...I scuff around on the carpets, grab things with two hands, hold metal to metal. I recognize the nastiness of this mood, reckless and rebellious, like I could get away with breaking the laws of physics.."
You MADMAN!! I wanna party with you!
Photosensitive epilepsy is a real problem, tho almost exclusively in a small population of younger folks, The Andromeda Strain notwithstanding. The strobe rate on my video is relatively innocuous due to a) low number of repetitions (
The intensity of the images as a whole are also muted as the vid is created by filming a PPT presentation on a laptop in a dark room. It isnt an expensive laptop with a super-intense screen, and it isnt a particularly hi-quality camera.
Also, being on youtube, it is likely to be viewed in small size and in a lighted room.
I have been tested for PSE, and dont have it, but i do not think that i would ever feel comfortable working on a project that involved hi-intensity, hi-frequency, hi-contrast stoboscopic light. like club dj, for example. i dont stare at ambulances or other emergency vehicles. i do get exposed to a lot of difficult environmental stimuli in my job, however, and my artistic intent was to juxtapose the impersonal flashing of an indicator light in the machine world (disk activity, my G1, this blinking cursor, etc.) with the subtle beauty of sunset viewed through peach blossoms.
I will emphatically not guess that you and MIDSENTENCE are like totally bff, and you're moderating on my ass in retaliation for my having a near-flame-war with said person, because that would be wrong; I am certain that you are looking out for the safety and well being of your reading public, as well as civic harmony.
But i obviously dont have the je-ne-se-whatever to post comments that will be read and appreciated by the bb community. So, i will restrict myself to either enjoying the content bb provides or not, and keep my opinions and my artwork where they belong. Please feel free to delete the youtube containing posting, your moderation posting, this posting, ban my account and say nasty things about me behind my back. Really, it doesnt bother me. In fact, you may note that I have highlighted in boldface the best phrase to be used for attacking me as a hypocrite.
P.S. I am sure you have to assume the worst, but why would i go out of my way, 4 months ago, to create a vid that induces seizures and now, after running down your boy Antony for using those with seizure disorder as a prop go and post a link to that very vid?!?!? The Conspiracy widens!
P.P.S. Here is how I deal with psycopaths who want to fuck with me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MR69xRjSn5Q
Hey, I get all my medical info from 70s SF! Seriously, we have had occasional requests to remove graphics because they were seizure inducing.
I know the sort of animated gifs that you speak of. I adblock them as soon as I see them. Because they are annoying. An ad is deliberately attention grabbing, which means hi-contrast, hi-frequency.
If youve ever been put under the strobe with the wires on ur scalp, 8hz, 16hz, 64hz, on and on for minutes at each station then you know whats dangerous and whats not. How could I make a movie that would induce a seizure, i ask again?
That would be far more evil than even my rotted, long-ago-bartered soul coulod conceive.
OAO
Mr. Brown, won't you please give that stupid hippie his soul back? He just sits there, staring at the thermostat. He's had enough.
Hey antinuous-
I think that article "Brother Theodore on David Letterman" is busted. I sent in a comment and it didn't show up. Neither have any others.
#14 TroofSeeker:
Sorry, the deal was made a long time ago, and the payment has been accepted. Once you choose your direction at The Crossroads, there is no going back.
Which is to say, the stupid hippie (who is me) gets paid well to stare at the thermostat (which it isnt) by some very, very bad people.
P.S. Theodore reminded me of those halcyon days of the 80s, up all night drinking scheaffer beer and making Terri Gaaaaar jokes.
Mr. B.,
I assumed you were the cameraman, and the stupid hippie was the stupid hippie in whose back yard you had started a fire. If you start a fire in my back yard we can toast some wienies cut to look like octopi. Hungry?
my misunderstanding. i was the cameraman in The Caretaker vid, the stupid hippie set my neighbours backyard on fire, and i dont like weenies.
i am the stupid hippie in the Rainbow(PPT) vid, my soul dripping out of my body and down under the raised floor, with the wires.
Mr. B,
I Just watched Rainbow. That was weird. I didn't see no hippie, but suddenly I hate hot dogs.
Watch them all! Tell your friends. Turn up the volume! Wait for the next exciting installment!!!
All original material! Tune in next week!
I hate hot dogs! Goodbye Blue Monday!
You're not supposed to run the machines with the covers off?
Ha! I havent used an anti-stat cable in years!
FYI, if you'd like to return a little more of your consumer dollars to an indie publisher so they will remain able to take chances on unusual books like this, rather than Amazon, you can also buy the book directly from the publisher.