Turtle sex with a shoe
In this video, a turtle attempts to have intercourse with a shoe. Sadly, the shoe just doesn't seem interested. (Thanks, Tara McGinley!)
In this video, a turtle attempts to have intercourse with a shoe. Sadly, the shoe just doesn't seem interested. (Thanks, Tara McGinley!)
the latest
latest episodes
That's pretty much what I look like during sex too...
With a show, eh?
Yes, quite a show.
See also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa1_K_Su1BA
-Z
This is a sad commentary on the smell of the owner's feet.
ha! our male salcadas are always a humpin! the females just kinda sit there, much like the shoe. they make these weird little "quack, quack" noises whilst goin at it like reptoid bunny rabbits.
Foot fetishists rejoice... Seems quite well hung but he could work a bit on his dirty talk.
Slow and steady wins the race
That turtle is totally Gibbsing that shoe!
On the one hand, cute noises. On the other...oh lord that'll be enough of that!
I kinda feel sorry for the little fella...
"It's not you. It's me."
Just applying a little turtle wax...giggity.
when are these cold blooded types gonna realize no means no? alas, maybe the shoe would be more into it if the turtle tied it up first?
Weirdest porn ever.
Nice looking shoe. Turtle got taste.
Female turtles generally show as much interest as the shoe.
so that's what it looks like. (marks "turtle" on his animal penis bingo card)
Only a matter of time before someone animates a dragon-on-car video.
Try as he may, he's not going to get his kicks this way...
_____
Turtles do it with sole!
I bet he's wishing that shoe was a pair a Crocs, eh?
phikus! lulz!
NSFW, and I make that same noise, it's a sinus thing.
Too bad they discontinued the Reebok pump!
I had a guinea pig that was very well endowed. It was like if you had a loaf of french bread sized shlong. It was his companion, his confidant, and all too often his pacifier.
"Dad, what's the guinea pig doing?"
I didn't dare reply that he's tooting his own horn, because every time my son hears that phrase, it would conjur that image.
"He's sucking his dick."
"Why?"
"Because he can."
The Bagpipe Didn't Say No
I didn't know that thing in the back was their apparatus! I thought it was just a tail.
Any thoughts about finding the poor guy a girlfriend.
My head exploded. A directory of wonderful things, indeed.
turtle pron ftw!
I thought most shoe fetishists were into heels.
My Eastern Box Turtle is named Porky. He earned it. Probably expends 65% of his calories trying to get with Barney the Twistneck Turtle in the next cage.
Who said they live a shelled existence? And what can you say to a randy turtle when not in the mood. Shoe! -would seem to have the opposite effect.
*Gets no love from shoe*
*Spots OTHER shoe*
"Heyyyy, how YOU doin'?"
It must be the laces! What was that shoe thinking, all trussed up like that?
I've only seen giant tortoises do this, and they too make the moaning/whining noises. Except it's rather deeper and more sonorous in their case... Do any other animals besides humans and turtles moan during sex?
That is the tail and not the "apparatus." I had a turtle (yes, I realize this is a tortoise in the video), and it's tail looked exactly like that. Their tails are much longer than people expect, and are very flexible, moving under the shell or side to side.
BTW, cute and hilarious video. The noises surprised the heck out of me.
Bob@18: FTW!
"...animal penis bingo card..."
That's still making me chuckle, hours later. That's some crazy ass bingo you got going there.
Jimh@33: Honorable mention!
Birdseed@35: I don't think I want to know anyone who has a definitive answer to that one...
Actually, this man should be the perfect expert on sex with other creatures. -Just sayin'!
http://www.poets.org/m/dsp_poem.php?prmMID=16262
This comes to mind:
Unnatural Selections: A Meditation upon Witnessing a Bullfrog Fucking a Rock
Jim Dodge
Amalgam of electric jelly,
constellated neural knots
in the briny binary soup,
as surely as stimulus prods response
brains are made to choose.
And through a major error in pattern recognition
or a significant cognitive fault,
the bullfrogs brain has selected
a two-pound rock
as the object of his rampant affection,
a rock (to my admittedly mammalian eye)
that neither resembles
nor even vaguely suggests
the female of his species.
He does seem to be enjoying himself
in a blunted sort of way,
but since the rock so obviously remains unmoved
one suspects it's not the blending of sweet oblivions
that fuels his persistence,
but a serious kink in a feedback loop--
or perhaps just kinkiness in general.
The less compassionate might even call him
the quintessentially insensitive male.
Assuming a pan-species gender bond
and a common fret,
I advise my amphibious pal,
"Hey, I don't think she's playing hard to get.
That's the literal case you're up against, Jack--
true story, buddy; stone fact.
And I'd be fraternally remiss if I didn't share
my deep and eminently reasonable doubt
that she'll be worn down
however long and spectacular the ardor."
Ignoring my counsel
as completely as he has my presence,
the bullfrog continues his fruitless assault
with that brain-locked commitment to folly
which invariably accompanies
dumb, bug-eyed lust.
But, in fairness,
whose brain hasn't shorted out in a slosh of hormones
or, igniting like a shattered jug of gas,
fireballed into a howling maelstrom
where a rock indeed might seem a port?
One can only conclude
that such impelling concupiscence
serves as a species' life-insurance,
sort of a procreative override
of any decision requiring thought,
thought being notoriously prey to thinking,
and the more one thinks about thinking
the thinkier it gets.
Therefore, though the brain is made to choose,
its very existence ultimately depends
on the generative supremacy of brainless desire--
for with all respect to Monsieur Descartes
you am before you can think you are.
Dirt-drive compulsions riding powerful desires
render any choice moot, along with
reason, morality, taste, manners,
and all those other jars of glitter
we pour on the sticky and raw.
The hard truth is we never chose to choose:
not the brains we use to pick
between competing explanations for our sexual mess
nor these hearts we've burdened with our blunders
in the name of love.
Do whatever we decide we will,
the choice isn't free;
we live at the mercy of more pressing needs.
Thus, urges urgently surging,
we mount a few rocks by mistake.
A bit more embarrassing than most of our foolishness, true--
but so what?
The power of the imperative
coupled with the law of averages
virtually guarantees enough will get it right
to make more brains to be made up
about exactly what steps to take
toward what we think we need to do
on this stony journey between delusion and mirage--
when to move, where to hide our dreams--
a journey where we finally learn
freedom is not a choice
a brain is free to choose.
Fortunately, my warty friend,
the soul is built to cruise.
Copyright © 2002 by Jim Dodge. Reprinted with the permission of Grove Press. All rights reserved.
I think it must have been the shell toe!
(come on no one saw that?)
This is, no doubt, the nephew of the nearsighted tortoise who tried to make love to an Army helmet many years ago. (I think that story dates to junior high school in the early 1960s)...
Like other comments, that was equal parts cute and I feel sad for him.
"Do any other animals besides humans and turtles moan during sex?"
The killer whale trainers at SeaWorld have new wetsuits that have markings like a killer whale.
I think we'll have your answer soon.
"Do any other animals besides humans and turtles moan during sex?"
Young female sasquatch do.
If she starts screaming, you'd better GTF outa there before daddy shows up!
Horny and doomed to fail to the amusement of others... it's like high school all over again.
Today, I learned that turtles are actually capable of making noises.
So, would the offspring of this mating be a 'Leatherback Turtle'?
Left Shoe: "You gellin'?"
Right Shoe: "Oh yeah, I'm gellin'."
Yay for Jim Dodge--
Read Stone Junction y'all-- lots of fun.
After watching that video and its companion piece at #3, how could anyone believe in benevolent God?
Yassy Goldie would approve of this!
It's the teeny squeaking noises. Dear Lord!
VID OF THE YEAR.
who's yo daddy-turtle? that's right, oooh yeah, thaaat's right. I'M your daddy turtle! yeah, you like that, dontcha? say it, you dirty little sneaker....SAY IT!
@#53: I'd have to agree. He just sounds so... eager! Enthusiastic! But in a sweet way, not a dirty way.
@#40: That poem immediately rocked its way into my top 10. Gracias!
Ten years ago, I saw the same thing in the zoo of Barcelona. In that case, it was a big, 100 year old turtle (the partner was a turtle too) and the sound it made could be heard half a mile away. The whole thing lasted about 10 minutes. I wish I had had a camera at the time.
Real gradeschool man! I propose that boinboing add a new specialty category along side "Boing Boing Gadgets", "TV", and "Offworld".
Possible name: Boing Boing Snickering Gradeschool Pee Pee Jokes.
The disturbing thing to me is that woman's laugh of enjoyment. Get that poor thing a mate and put it outside where it belongs!
nice shoe, wanna f***?