Mule-driver TSA ID card contest is off and running
UPDATE: The contest ends on Friday, February 27 at 12pm Pacific, so hurry and get your entries in. The ones I've gotten so far are stupendous!
In response to Cory's post about the TSA's requirement for mule handlers to carry biometric identification (lest some sneaky terrist use a 2-mile-per-hour mule-driven barge to asplode the eastern seaboard), we are holding a contest to find out which of our readers can design the best Mule-driver TSA ID card.
The winner, judged by me, gets a Boing Boing T-shirt.
Dave kicks off the contest with this fine entry, shown above. Note how Mr. Ed is trying to pass himself off as a mule. That sneaky terrist horse! They won't be putting peanut butter under your lip in Horsey Gitmo, you can bet your bridle on that.
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Fantastic attention to detail, showing the mule's height in Hands.
Captcha: "riding in"
setting the barrrrr high there!
"But Wi-i-i-llburrrr...I want to strike the Great Satan!"
That ID is an obvious fake. Mister Ed is a horse of course, of course! Now Francis the talking mule, on the other hand...
Rotwang FTW
No pic, but I wish to share4 this adapted traditional song:
Erie Canal
(sung to the tune “Erie Canal”)
I had a mule, her name was Sal
No more boats on the Erie Canal
Of the TSA, she ran afoul
No more boats on the Erie Canal
She lost her I.D. one sad day
The TSA took her away
And now I am very afraid
That I will be sent to Git-a-moooo
Chorus:
Dumb laws, make me frown
Dumb laws, stupidity abounds
Be suspicious of your neighbor and never trust a pal
Or you’ll get investigated on the Erie Canal.
-fxq
Damn.
Bar.. too.. high..
*reach*
There might be a precedent for this. On the Mississippi, I met a hobo named Hot Carl (not a joke -- he didn't seem to be aware of the slang meaning) who started off riding the rails and then had gotten a mule train ("I got one, but once you got one mule everyone wants to give you another") before building his own boat to take down the Mississippi. According to Carl, while traveling with his mules, he managed to wander onto the grounds of the US military's largest gunpowder stockpile. This was easy to do, because there were no signs or fences, and it was night. He woke up at gunpoint under a helicopter spotlight, but he got out of there OK after a lengthy interview -- though one of his mules stepped on his partial-denture that he'd taken out for the night, and he wasn't allowed to go back for it. A couple days later he stopped at a McDonald's, and a guard from the military base who was eating there accosted him, saying "You're the reason I've been working nights all week putting up a fence." So, there you have it, second-hand with no supporting evidence.
NĂm Wunnan
What's the slang meaning of "Hot Carl"?
#9 posted by kenmce
"What's the slang meaning of "Hot Carl"?"
I wasn't sure either until I just now looked it up. I hope a sensitive stomach isn't an issue with you...
1. Hot Carl/Karl
A Hot Carl is the act of defacating on someones face. A Warm Carl is defacating on their face whilst covered by plastic wrap. A Cold Carl is defacating on a glass table while someone lies below.
2. Hot Carl/Karl
1. an enema with cheap red wine, usually Carlo Rossi Merlot.
2. squirting a red wine enema into another's face for one or both person's sexual gratification.
Ohh Noez!
I was gonna ask, and thought better of it. It got me anyway :(
Well you never know when a mule driven barge might become a terrist weopen of laughable destruction! lets not forget the time when a similar incident happened in iraq when an errorist loaded up a donkey with handmade rockets and failed to light them on fire in front of a police department, nedless to say both donkey and driver were apprehended by US soldiers and heartily laughed at before being let go.
If you have any more slang questions, ask Dirty Sanchez.
Planting IED's along the Grand Canyon trails ?
Domestic is where the next big one is coming from. Mexican border is my guess. And you need mules to carry WMD's. So this isn't such a crazy idea either.
Don't you mean
assplode
?
You can laugh about mule-driving TSA licenses, but please remember that just about all government regulation ends up producing ridiculous situations like this.
People have gone to prison for "industrial waste leaks" when their ice machines failed and H2O was leaked on the ground, kids have gone to prison for child porn for taking nude pictures of themselves in the mirror, people have had their life savings confiscated because they failed to fill out the proper paperwork when they took over $10,000 on an airplane.
This is really one of the more laughable and harmless examples. Many of the over two million people in American prisons are there for committing crimes no worse than driving mules without the proper TSA paperwork. And as our lives are increasingly legislated, regulated, and monitored by the government, expect this kind of thing to become too common to be funny.
I vaguely remember something from a documentary about the CIA where local insurgents were being directed to bomb some target. The guy from the CIA specifically told them not to use a car bomb... so they made a camel bomb.
#16 anonymous
It would be good to cite verifiable examples of the events alleged. There have been cases in the news that sound vaguely like the jailings and confiscations asserted, but the facts differed substantially. If you change "gone to prison" to "been immensely hassled and forced to defend themselves" and "confiscated" to "seized, with long delay and immense hassle before return" you come closer to reality.
That's not to say that there are no poorly written laws that are subject to abuse, or that nonsensical outcomes don't occur. It's just that vague and unsubstantiated allegations don't advance your argument.