Onion on the inauguration

The Onion's inauguration day issue stands as one of its finest moments (Obama Inauguration Speech Ruined By Incessant Jackhammering being torture-comedy of such exquisite caliber that it had me howling by the end) and it's at its absolute best in "Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate":

A team of nine specially trained handlers have successfully lured outgoing vice president Dick Cheney into a reinforced steel traveling crate in order to transport him back to his permanent enclosure in Casper, WY, official sources reported Monday. "He's a smart one. Once he sees the crate, he gets pretty nippy, but we've learned a few tricks over the years," chief VP wrangler Ted Irving breathlessly said while applying pressure to a deep gash on his forearm. "If we break a rabbit's legs and throw it in there, he will eventually go in to finish it off. Doesn't work with dead rabbits, though. Cheney only eats what he kills."

Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate

[#1 posted by EH , January 21, 2009 12:46 AM]

Ha ha, jackhammering. That's pretty much the angle I'm thinking about the Roberts flub.

[#2 posted by kiltreiser , January 21, 2009 1:38 AM]

I couldn't stand to watch or read about the inauguration in any serious sense after having been relentlessly pounded by it in the news for the past week (even in the UK!) so thank god for The Onion.

This part in the Cheney story was genius - "He's a smart one. Once he sees the crate, he gets pretty nippy, but we've learned a few tricks over the years," chief VP wrangler Ted Irving breathlessly said while applying pressure to a deep gash on his forearm. "If we break a rabbit's legs and throw it in there, he will eventually go in to finish it off. Doesn't work with dead rabbits, though. Cheney only eats what he kills."

It's funny 'cause it's true...

[#3 posted by bjacques , January 21, 2009 1:57 AM]

Bwahahaha!!! A true DC experience. That brought back many a bad morning memory from the 2 years I lived there.

[#4 posted by Daemon , January 21, 2009 2:28 AM]

The true winner: Bush died

[#5 posted by Ugly Canuck , January 21, 2009 4:52 AM]

I see that Bush's Special Courts for the Special Offenders, that is, his Military Tribunals, have already been suspended.
Well that's a step in the right direction, at least.

[#6 posted by nanuq , January 21, 2009 4:57 AM]

The only safe way to transport Cheney is to slap a mask onto him, Hannibal Lecter style.

[#7 posted by Ugly Canuck , January 21, 2009 5:52 AM]

Obama-rama or obama-nation?
It is up to you...

PS Thanks to macro-man for pun repetition. Link:

http://macro-man.blogspot.com/2009/01/obama-nation.html

[#8 posted by Takuan , January 21, 2009 6:23 AM]

first Hindi spam!

[#9 posted by gadgeteer , January 21, 2009 7:51 AM]

This is from 8 years ago right before Bush was inaugurated:
"Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over"

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

Incredibly prescient

[#10 posted by ian_b , January 21, 2009 7:54 AM]

Ever since the election they've been ruthless to Bush. Seems like every week he gets his eyelid nailed to a wall or hit by a bus or spiders hatch in his brain or an alligator eats his arm. They're not even satirical, just a final "F U". "Bush Dies Peacefully In His Sleep" was the cherry on top...

"the president's corpse was sucked through an Air Force One jet engine".

Farewell, sweet dunce.

[#11 posted by dragonfrog , January 21, 2009 7:56 AM]

Argh! The Hindi spam has been unpublished.

Not having read it, I shall decide that it was for an Ayurvedic penile enhancement diet program, as allegedly endorsed by numerous Bollywood stars.

[#12 posted by wolfiesma , January 21, 2009 8:00 AM]

Nanuq @6, That's it! Cheney *totally* has the Hannibal Lector thing going on. Jim Lehrer interviewed him last week and as I was watching him I had the feeling he might actually jump out of the screen and bite my face off.

[#13 posted by Takuan , January 21, 2009 8:16 AM]

NOW everyone notices he's a psychopath?

[#14 posted by Brainspore , January 21, 2009 8:35 AM]

NOW everyone notices he's a psychopath?

Please, everyone who wasn't a level-8 disciple of Fox "News" Channel has pretty much been in consensus about that for years. Especially the Onion.

My favorite Cheney article of all time: New Heart Device Allows Cheney To Experience Love

[#15 posted by Takuan , January 21, 2009 8:40 AM]

http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/lazy_nation_fears_obama_will?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

[#16 posted by wolfiesma , January 21, 2009 9:05 AM]

@16 Ah, yes. I crashed hard after the ceremony and realized it was because I know I now have to leave the house and get involved in a new way. Obama's call to service is going to put a big ol crimp in my slacker lifestyle.

After the jubilation of the inauguration had worn off a bit, I was left with a stunning feeling of inadequacy. At least with Bush, you could feel good about yourself in comparison.

[#17 posted by teddanson , January 21, 2009 9:24 AM]

The Daily Mash has an interesting take on the inauguration:

Daily Mash

Note - may not be funny to Americans, I'm not sure.

[#18 posted by MollyMaguire , January 21, 2009 10:16 AM]

aargh! anywhere else I can read it? The Onion is blocked by Dept. of Interior filters.

[#19 posted by Rezpect , January 21, 2009 11:32 AM]

God Bless the Onion, And the Obama family. :)