Audiophile product parodies

I got a kick out of these phony audiophile products. They are almost, but not quite, as silly as genuine audiophile products. Six exciting new Hi-Fi products from the Intelligent Design Team at Elemental Voice!

[jdixon #1 14:22 on Thu, Jan.15]

$100 HDMI cable, anyone?

[arkizzle / Moderator #2 14:33 on Thu, Jan.15]

I thought it was real 'til I your comment at the bottom, Mark.

My world is now a little blue-er :(

[robulus #3 14:36 on Thu, Jan.15]

I've got a full set of these and the difference is amazing. Of course, you need to have a very sensitive ear and refined audio appreciation skills to enjoy the improvement.

[sworm #4 14:40 on Thu, Jan.15]

This is brilliant.

Just like people with their silly cables (audio or otherwise).

[minTphresh #5 14:41 on Thu, Jan.15]

what have i got to lose by trying it? only FIVE HUNDRED BUCK$$$$$!

[snowraver1 #6 14:50 on Thu, Jan.15]

I don't get it...

1) Hit 500.00 thing with "simple household spoon"
2) 500.00 item resonates at it's resonant frequency
3) ???
4) Music sounds better.

What am I missing?

[arkizzle / Moderator #7 14:54 on Thu, Jan.15]

NEW! Tube version!

[sworm #8 14:59 on Thu, Jan.15]

You should also mention that the Elemental Hi-Finator is fully analog.

[waugsqueke #9 15:01 on Thu, Jan.15]

Mark, it's a shame you got bumped on CNN on the Jobs piece. I was looking forward to hearing your views on that. (Sorry for the OT.)

[Man On Pink Corner #10 15:10 on Thu, Jan.15]

I call Poe's Law.

[oldtaku #11 15:10 on Thu, Jan.15]

SNOWRAVER1, you are missing that all music Needs More Cowbell.

[mykie #12 15:11 on Thu, Jan.15]

There is nothing funnier than to read a thread with two audiophiles arguing about the merits of one $150/ft length of audio cables vs another $150/ft audio cable.

"The sonic imagery of the Coincident cables far exceeds that of the Goetz Silvers, most likely because of the low inductance and high capacitance, even after a lengthy break-in period i wouldn't recommend either for euphonic filtering..."

[GregLondon #13 15:34 on Thu, Jan.15]

cowbell!

[TharkLord #14 15:34 on Thu, Jan.15]

Some years ago I went to a performance by Peter Whitehead. He creates incredibly beautiful music with instruments fashioned from hardware and kitchen implements. One of them used a metal lamp reflector like the one pictured here as the resonator for a stringed instrument.

It had a very eerie, haunting tone.

http://www.outofroundrecords.com/peter/

[arkizzle / Moderator #15 15:39 on Thu, Jan.15]

SnowRaver: the joke? :)

[nehpetsE #16 15:40 on Thu, Jan.15]

I have previously used the Hi-Finator as low budget parabolic reflector, and i am very pleased with it.

It can and does add very interesting resonances to recordings of vocals if you gaff tape a mic to the hole.

The price here seems to be for a 200 hundred pack of them.

[palindromic #17 15:51 on Thu, Jan.15]

The sad thing is, there are plenty of people actually paying similar money for Monster cables. MONSTER cables.

[Mr Tibbs #18 16:22 on Thu, Jan.15]

As a refined and sophisticated audiophile, I ONLY buy my equipment from Heinz Audio, made by hand by my personal audio guru, Heinrich Heinz.

[haineux #19 16:24 on Thu, Jan.15]

I have plenty of audiophile friends who have found that placing a heavy object on top of their power amp improved the sound. A slab of granite would be an ideal source of mass for this purpose, and you can get appropriate pieces at a home improvement store or from a contractor for less than $1/lb. Heck, you might be able to get a custom-cut and polished piece that matches your equipment for that price.

Shakti "Magic Stones" have US Patent 5,814,761. I had an audio engineer friend of mine review the patent, and we think the patent is basically sound. These stones will, in fact, disperse/absorb some EFI (electromagnetic interference).

Will a Shakti stone produce better audio than a slab of granite? Probably not, but my ears aren't demanding enough to know for sure.

[Anonymous #20 16:45 on Thu, Jan.15]

I know that the picture is a reflector for a clamp light. this causes me no end of sadness.

[Guysmiley #21 17:08 on Thu, Jan.15]

You know what's better than fake audiophile schlock?

REAL audiophile schlock. I present to you the $500 Ethernet cable:
http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKDL1-Dedicated-Link-Cable/dp/B000I1X6PM

And of course the $600 HDMI cable:
http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKHM100-HDMI-Cable-Meter/dp/B000I21PYK

If you know anyone, ANYONE who owns Denon electronics, please slap them for me.

[Guysmiley #22 17:16 on Thu, Jan.15]

#19: Anyone who evaluates audio equipment without doing blind tests is full of crap. The high end snake-oil market knows this, which is why they badmouth blind testing.

Roger Russell is a hero of mine.
http://www.roger-russell.com/wire/wire.htm

[EH #23 18:02 on Thu, Jan.15]

This piece looks nice, but does it make a difference which spoon I use to hit it?

[robulus #24 18:19 on Thu, Jan.15]

@EH

Yes of course it does. I only use MONSTER spoons.

[theLadyfingers #25 20:23 on Thu, Jan.15]

@21 (GUYSMILEY)

While those Denon cables are a ridiculous, utter sham, Denon's actual electronic devices are generally rather good.

Even though they tend to be on the expensive side of entry- to mid-level hi-fi, they're not noteably more expensive than their competitors for a given feature set or build quality level.

Which makes the horrendousness of the crime of those cable prices even more inexplicable. I can't imagine who those are aimed at. No psychotic audiophile worth his salt would touch a brand as prosaic as Denon.

[IamInnocent #26 20:52 on Thu, Jan.15]

Isn't it nice to be blessed with some desperately undiscriminating ears that let you enjoy so much
music?

[Takuan #27 21:01 on Thu, Jan.15]

we have to accumulate all these you know, clip light shades, coat hanger cables... suggestions folks? A complete product line.

[mikelotus #28 01:02 on Fri, Jan.16]

oh yee that have ears yet can not hear

[TPS Reports #29 06:53 on Fri, Jan.16]

Just in time for this post--a real $64K turntable:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/01/16/ces.luxury.turntable/index.html

It is pretty, tho'.

[Baldhead #30 06:53 on Fri, Jan.16]

Audiophiles cause me no end of amusement. And bewilderment since I have yet to meet one who's actually employed in a field where they make use of their amazing ears that can hear what few others can. You'd think they'd make amazing Mastering Engineers for example. BUt alas, every sound tech I know shakes their head at the idea of spending more than $100 on a 20 ft run of cable. And of course we all know that if you're that bloody worried about noise getting introduced via the cable you just use balanced cable instead of unbalanced- which is what every single audiophile cable still is.

[Roy Trumbull #31 11:48 on Fri, Jan.16]

A friend of mine, the late Bob Morrison, had a keen sense of humor and got sick of the bleeding comments re analog records vs CDs. Admittedly the early CDs needed improvement but 5 years later this was still going on. Bob made and marketed a cassette to be played in a boom box resting between your speakers. When you played a CD you started the cassette and it restored the delicate patina of analog recording by providing the pops, clicks, and crackles.
If you were hungry for the sound of analog tape there was a track with tape hiss.

[ROSSINDETROIT #32 14:04 on Fri, Jan.16]

I have a LARGE box full of exotic speaker cables and interconnects. It was an expensive learning experience. Most of them are really rugged and durable* so I still use them but I can make my own out of mil surplus wire, and decent connectors from China for pennies on the sawbuck.

It's easy to cheap shot audiophiles for being gullible and credulous. The problem is that after a century of recording and reproduction technology it's not well established exactly what makes music reproduction pleasurable in every case. Sometimes a mundane and ordinary recording and gear sounds sublime. Sometimes what technically should sound great sounds like a chorus of barfing dogs. People fall for magic flying unicorn solutions to improve their sound because the rational application of technology often fails to produce the expected results.

I gotta go. The soldering iron is hot and I have some customer amps to finish for tomorrow's Southeast Michigan Audio Club ** meet

* Except Audioquest

** and (mostly) beer drinking

[Takuan #33 14:16 on Fri, Jan.16]

"I have a LARGE box full of exotic speaker cables and interconnects."

"I gotta go. The soldering iron is hot"

you make everything sound so DIRTY.

[ROSSINDETROIT #34 15:07 on Fri, Jan.16]

Filthy, smelly and dangerous too.

[mikelotus #35 00:59 on Sat, Jan.17]

If you think that CDs sound better than good vinyl, then go back to your mp3s because they don't and never will. I don't have expensive interconnects, or other such nonsense but I have a decent system and if you think I can't tell the difference between speakers, turntables, CD players, amps, you are crazy. I have played in concert bands long enough to pick out individual instruments in an orchestra and trust me, some of us our capable of differentiating quality. And guess what, no one except the tone deaf, when given the chance to blind test good vinyl against the CD ever picks the CD. For the rest of you, put your ear damaging ear buds back in and listen to your ipods.

[ROSSINDETROIT #36 06:32 on Sat, Jan.17]

Down, boy!

[Anonymous #37 18:45 on Mon, Apr.13]

mikelotus:
I hope you only use those 'good vinyl' records only once, and how do you make them thicker so they can hold the deep bass grooves, or do you just play them slightly slower?