Where's Sock Puppet's Bailout?
Pets.com's Sock Puppet asks Congress: "Why are you talking about bailing out the auto companies when you let all us tech companies just crash and burn?"
(Instead of giving taxpayer's money directly to the automakers, why not pass a law requiring every US citizen of driving age to buy a Hummer, Tahoe, or F250? Those unable to pay cash can get a pre-approved AIG-insured payment plan. That would keep Detroit busy, help the oil companies, and give AIG another excuse for a cash infusion down the road.)
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When the wool industry in England was in recession hundreds of years ago, decrees were passed that, when you died, you had to be buried in a woollen shroud. A similar thing was done in France with linen.
It's time for America to do the same with SUVs.
How will leasing work on an SUV casket?
It'd be a direct purchase, like a regular casket.
The difference is that the SUV costs less. Granted, the upolstery and woodwork aren't as good as the casket, but you feel less ridiculous about sticking it in the ground before you're even finished paying for it.
Because when tech companies like Pets.com failed, the only other businesses affected were Aeron chair stores and party planners.
Families should be allowed to use one SUV like a crypt, with newly deceased loved ones popped in as they pop off.
We should also consider using wheeless SUVs as inmate housing.
I agree, lets all get buried with a hummer.
Actually, in all seriosnes, I remember back in the 80's there was an idea on the table to simply levy larger import duties on imported cars in order to keep American ones cost competitive. Wouldn't this solve both our problems at once?
(Except for the fact that then the big 2.5 wouldn't have any reason to make competitive cars)
With the exception of the US citizenship requirement, that's Obama's plan for the Korea-US FTA.
An SUV could be the new burial chamber for Republicans.
Like the ancient kings, they'd be buried with favorite belongings (gun rack), religious symbols (plastic Jesus), and (Super-Sized) food to eat in the afterlife. The "Mission Accomplished" bumper sticker proclaims their success in life.
"Actually, in all seriosnes, I remember back in the 80's there was an idea on the table to simply levy larger import duties on imported cars in order to keep American ones cost competitive. Wouldn't this solve both our problems at once?"
No, I doubt this will work because then foraign automakers will just build cars in the US using evil robots rather then union workers. Honda and Toyota are already manufacturing mostly in Canada, and it's not like you can make a "not a Ford" tax.
#8: We could also turn their advisers (like Karl Rove) into eunuchs and bury them with their masters.
We could also turn their advisers (like Karl Rove) into eunuchs
Waste not; want not.
Higher import duties on cars would tank our exports in other areas like agriculture, where we actually have a comparative advantage.
Because pets.com employed a relatively small number. If the Big 3 go, we're talking ~2 million jobs. The last time I made this point in another thread, it got modded out.
Because domestic auto companies will just increase their prices to match the artificially expensive price of imported cars. Auto companies (domestic and foreign) win, but consumers lose.
For example, assume a comparable domestic and imported car both sold for say $20K. If the imported cars price is raised to $25K (after import duties), why would the domestic auto maker continue to sell its car for $20K when it could sell it for $24K.
We hate our domestic car companies for making SUV's and big trucks, so, out of protest, we go buy from companies like Honda and Toyota. Then - stay with me here - those companies take the profits they make selling us those small cars and pour it into the marketing for - you got it - SUV's and trucks. They love SUV's. And trucks! You may hate trucks but Toyota loves trucks. They spent over ten times the amount launching Toyota Tundra than they spent selling Priuses. Because those are the profitable vehicles. And they're in business to make money. They've never said otherwise. They're not out to save the world. They ain't Greenpeace. Tundra, actually, gets worse mileage than Ford or Chevy's truck. Ponder that as you watch us shoot ourselves in the foot, again and again and again.
We hate our domestic car companies for making SUV's and big trucks
No, we hate our domestic car companies for making SUV's and big trucks the core of their business plan, to such an extent that the punch in the nose they received when gas prices rose should've been seen coming from a mile away. We hate them because they learned absolutely nothing from the 70s, when gas prices shot up and instead of building smaller, more efficient vehicles they kept pumping out giant gas guzzlers, allowing the Japanese to eat their lunch.
Don't be mad at Toyota for having good business sense. Be mad at the idiots running the Big 3 who've convinced themselves that Americans won't buy small, efficient cars--a delusion so powerful that even though they could sell their thrifty Euro models here, they won't.
I worked at Pets.com in 2000. I came into work one day and they herded us all into a conference room and said we were no longer needed. To some people this was a surprise. But when you see the stock tumbling from 10 bucks to 19 cents, and you hear words like 'delisted' and 'illiquid', you can pretty much tell the writing's on the wall.
Management offered some people free travel and housing to Indianapolis, from San Francisco. And they went. I tried to talk them out of it, just pulled up the stock chart for PETS and pointed at it, but they went anyway. A week later Pets.com was out of business.
Free shipping on a 50 lb bag of dog food to Alaska is NOT a good business model.
"If the Big 3 go, we're talking ~2 million jobs."
Then let's use just our taxes to pay those 2 million people to do nothing. It's better than giving the automakers the false impression that anyone wants the awful cars they make.
$25,000,000,000 bailout / 2,000,000 jobs = only $12,500 per job
I think the government should just bury the money in the sand somewhere and have people look for it with shovels and maps. I think this would stimulate the economy about as much as anything else would.
But part of me is happy that a huge insurance company got the money. I mean, that's like ten times more perverse than anything in Saw V.
Me likey.
Can I get my Hummer military spec, with a .50 caliber machine gun ring up top, so when things go all Road Warrior and stuff, I'm already geared up?!
@#16 GrimC
Also, be mad at Toyota for continuing to push silly vehicles, when they're patently unnecessary.
But by all means let Fort et al. continue to run themselves in the ground.
Disclosure: I live in the Republic of Boulder, and don't own a car; I do own three bikes though :)
Man, this just gives me the Sock Puppet Blues: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu_tVLDHxTM
The pets.com sock puppet.
How I hate him. >:(
"Be mad at the idiots running the Big Three..."
I love how people have convinced themselves that the people running these companies are the same people who made business plan decisions in 1997. I don't know about you, but I've had three different jobs since then. And the people running the Big Three are not the same folks who were there then. The idiots are all either dead or golfing. The people running places like Ford now come from places like Boeing and Toyota. A car cycle plan takes at least five years, from conception to engineering to running the line. The decisions these people make will lead to innovations. We can help them ride out the financial crisis (that was none of their making, your aunt who bought the house she couldn't afford is more responsible) and see their visions come to life or we can just listen to the madness of the hoard and let a few million people lose their jobs. Of course, change will come. We should apply some wisdom to that change. And yes, ride your bike to work if you can.
I'm surprised no one has pointed out the absurdity of pets.com referring to itself as a "tech company".
online retailer != tech company
If you design and build computer chips, you're a tech company. If you write and sell software, you're a tech company. If you sell pet food, you're a pet food company. Just because you need tech people (i.e. web developers) in order to run your business, does not make you a tech company.
Leavinghalfway,
SUV's are ridiculous vehicles, but pickups are not. I live in a semi rural area, and have owned two wheel drive, 6cyl. trucks. They went everywhere off-road a non-moron would want to go in a suv, hauled anything I needed to haul, and got 21 real world mpg. I made regular use of it's hauling capacity. I now own a small american car whose real world mpg is aroung 27. I have the resources to own two vehicles, but some people cant.
I agree about the online retailer does not equal tech company. That being said, the online retailers didn't have the lobbyist infrastructure in place to hump congress for a bailout.