Stalking Bigfoot
My friend Eric Spitznagel took on the Bigfoot beat for Vanity Fair and filed: "Everything's Bigfoot in Texas." From the Texas Bigfoot Conference in Jefferson, Texas, he reports:
"Everything's Bigfoot in Texas." (Illustration credit: John Hogan.)Drawing on interviews with dozens of eye-witnesses, [Sasquatch expert Dr. Henner] Fahrenbach went on to say that Bigfoot’s diet is rich in mussels, clams, peacocks, and the “hindquarter” of deer. He insisted that Bigfoots enjoy wrestling, tickle fights, and, most surprisingly, gangbangs. He assured us that even a horny Sasquatch has an impeccable sense of orgy etiquette.
“When an especially large male came onto the scene,” Fahrenbach said, describing a sexual pileup involving one willing female and lots of dudes, “he didn’t try to buck the line but simply stood there and took his turn in good time.”
In the beginning of his lecture, there was some nervous giggling from those in the audience. After a while, they just stared at Fahrenbach, a few with jaws agape. Somewhere in the back row, a woman turned to her husband and whispered, “I can’t tell if he’s kidding.”
It’s been a rough few months for Bigfoot true believers.
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As an especially large human male that has been mistaken for a sasquatch while orgying in the woods, I take offense.
You know what they say about guys with big feet.
BRAINSPORE @3, They have average size penises?
@3 and @4: They have large shoes.
It always amazed me when doctors, whether MD or PHD, are automatically assumed to be experts in a field, no matter how outlandish and unrelated that field actually was. I would really like to know what that Dr. Skinner guy went to school for.
Seriously, I want to get a MD or a PHD, not so I can practice medicine, but so I can endorse infomercial products and be seen as an expert in just almost every field, haha, you may even be able to make more money.