Tortoise hates cats

This aggressive little tortoise is unstoppable in his determination to keep cats off his territory.

[#1 posted by Patrick Dodds , July 23, 2008 12:17 PM]

Whew, plucky little fella. I got a bit scared around 1:03.

[#2 posted by Jack , July 23, 2008 12:28 PM]

I like the way all the cats are very casual about the tortoise approaching. As if "What the heck can shell boy do?"

[#3 posted by insect_hooves , July 23, 2008 12:28 PM]

Damn cats! Get off my lawn! (grumble, cats these days, grumble...)

[#4 posted by BadKittyM , July 23, 2008 12:35 PM]

That is just hilarious. He keeps going for kitty's face, too.

[#5 posted by jaypee , July 23, 2008 12:37 PM]

When I first saw this in my RSS feed I thought, "Why does the band Tortoise hate cats?"

Oooooohhhhhh.. that kind of tortoise. Is it biting the cat? I swear I see its little mouth gaping open as it rushes in to attack.

[#6 posted by Rubin110 , July 23, 2008 12:38 PM]

s thr n RSS fd wth th "tryng t by ff sr bs wth ct phts nd vds f nmls" psts cn sbscrb t?

[#7 posted by ROSSINDETROIT , July 23, 2008 12:38 PM]

Looks like a red leg tortoise. Not known to be aggressive but maybe the cat said something about his mother.

[#8 posted by ROSSINDETROIT , July 23, 2008 12:39 PM]

@6:
Cynical much?

[#9 posted by thegonzalez , July 23, 2008 12:41 PM]

That tortoise is a bastard.

[#10 posted by slywy , July 23, 2008 12:41 PM]

I don't know which is funnier: The stubbornness of the tortoise or the laziness/stupidity of the one cat.

[#11 posted by stupidjerk , July 23, 2008 12:51 PM]

I much prefer cute animal video's over articles about what new shit there is to be buy in the world...

Also. That tortoise is looking for hugs, not trouble. Duh.

[#12 posted by Nollie , July 23, 2008 12:56 PM]

That is one bad ass tortoise! I love how he kept going for the tail too.

[#13 posted by mycophage , July 23, 2008 12:58 PM]

I think the tortoise just wants to play, but doesn't really know how, so he bites the cat and keeps pestering it. He's kind of a turtle dickhead -- but perhaps all dickheads are just lonely.

[#14 posted by Random Chick , July 23, 2008 1:09 PM]

I need a tortise like that for my yard!

[#15 posted by groovehouse , July 23, 2008 1:10 PM]

Man, that tortoise gets around fast!

[#16 posted by lectroid , July 23, 2008 1:13 PM]

I watch this and all I can hear in my head is the baseline to "Powerhouse"

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun

[#17 posted by clueless in brooklyn , July 23, 2008 1:13 PM]

the tortoise was just trying to do what animals do the most.. sniff some ass.

[#18 posted by MaximusNYC , July 23, 2008 1:25 PM]

Dis kitteh has a flavor

NOM NOM NOM NOM

[#19 posted by Gazoo , July 23, 2008 1:26 PM]

I think it's Om from Terry Pratchett's Small Gods giving some payback.

[#20 posted by themindfantastic , July 23, 2008 1:28 PM]

"Listen. And understand. That tortise is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. " (Apologies to the Terminator)

[#21 posted by Chevan , July 23, 2008 1:32 PM]

My only experience with the animals is diamondback terrapins, but I know those at least absolutely love to stack on top of each other and climb all over each other. Maybe that's what this one is trying to do.

Or it just hates cats.

[#22 posted by RedMonkey , July 23, 2008 1:50 PM]

I'm severely disappointed by the lack of TMNT references. Give the little dude a quarterstaff and he's Donatello.

[#23 posted by Modusoperandi , July 23, 2008 2:00 PM]

themindfantastic:

...what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine - uh, an eating machine. It's really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is walk and eat and make little turtles, and that's all!

(apologies to Jaws)

[#24 posted by Gilbert Wham , July 23, 2008 2:09 PM]

I think he LOVES cats. If that cat had sat still, he would have humped it. Get him some roofies & a tub of cream...

[#25 posted by Avram , July 23, 2008 2:17 PM]

Wait, are we sure those were two different cats? Maybe the transition near the end elides the period where the tortoise plucks all the cat's hair out?

[#26 posted by padster123 , July 23, 2008 2:20 PM]

Lucky that cat has a sense of humour, and didn't just rip the tortoise's head off with his teeth.

[#27 posted by mego , July 23, 2008 2:32 PM]

I agree with #24, that tortoise isn't being mean, he just wants a little pussy. Cat, I mean.

[#28 posted by Wareq , July 23, 2008 2:41 PM]

Gentlemen, behold - the new Mk2 "Blitzschildkröte" Assault Tortoise, with an upgraded cruising speed of 18" per second, monomolecular beak and adamantium shell. Good for handling all your domestic feline, canine, rodent and mustelid problems. Unit price includes a year's supply of GM cabbage and strawberries.

[#29 posted by eti , July 23, 2008 2:53 PM]

That tortoise's name ... is John McCain. :D

[#30 posted by eti , July 23, 2008 2:55 PM]

And now you know the rest ... of the story.

Page 2...

[#31 posted by V , July 23, 2008 3:02 PM]

Would the response been different if the cat had been a tortoiseshell calico?

[#32 posted by Anonymous , July 23, 2008 3:27 PM]

Did you hear the tortoise hiss? That was a little scary.

[#33 posted by Mythus , July 23, 2008 3:33 PM]

I got a bit nervous when the cat kept biting the tortoise's head.

But clearly the tortoise just wanted to snuggle.

[#34 posted by Justin Ried , July 23, 2008 3:46 PM]

Uh oh, the reptilian uprising has finally begun!

Steady yourselves, mammals.

[#35 posted by Moon , July 23, 2008 3:56 PM]

Does anybody REALLY know what's going on here? Because this seems like really odd behaviour by all the animals.

Why didn't the cat just LEAVE? Why does the tortoise not want anybody in the whole yard?

Are drugs involved?

[#36 posted by Takuan , July 23, 2008 3:58 PM]

relax, the tortoise was in no danger. It takes at least fifteen minutes of determined chewing to get the head off one of them suckers. More if you had a recent filling done.

[#37 posted by KurtMac , July 23, 2008 4:23 PM]

I can attest that turtle bites hurt like the dickens. Simply take a pair of wire cutters and pinch a 1/4" piece of skin on your hand, preferably the skin between your fingers. Turtles love that.

[#38 posted by theOmegaMan , July 23, 2008 5:09 PM]

Yep Turtles definitely will bite.

Any chance this little guy has that parasite that makes Mice not fear cats? Would be interesting to test for something similar.

[#39 posted by Antinous , July 23, 2008 5:22 PM]

No! Turtles are cute and sweet. What harm could a turtle possibly do?

[#40 posted by Harrkev , July 23, 2008 6:41 PM]

I would like to see the tortoise go up against a hare.

[#41 posted by piminnowcheez , July 23, 2008 6:52 PM]

I would like to see that tortoise go up against the crocodile-eating leopard. Persistence can take you a long way.

[#42 posted by takeshi , July 23, 2008 7:03 PM]

Time for another video of inter-species love.

Man, that tortoise is relentless.

[#43 posted by Ugly Canuck , July 23, 2008 7:50 PM]

Indefatigable terrapin.

[#44 posted by duskiboy , July 23, 2008 8:27 PM]

omg! tortoise ate all of the cats hair at 1:47!

[#45 posted by skramble , July 23, 2008 8:37 PM]

I like turtles

[#46 posted by minamisan , July 23, 2008 9:14 PM]

that's exactly what i would do to cats if i had a protective shell.

[#47 posted by Justin Ried , July 23, 2008 9:29 PM]

Thanks for the link, Takeshi! What an amazing video.

[#48 posted by eustace , July 23, 2008 9:53 PM]

MAN that is a fast moving tortoise! But fun as it was, the comments in this thread were the win. Thx.

[#49 posted by ROSSINDETROIT , July 23, 2008 10:00 PM]

I deal with turtles every day. 99% of their life is waiting for 8:30 PM when dinner drops out of the sky. Then it's death to the earthworms for a few minutes and back to pointless digging and waiting around some more.
They have strong jaws and will latch you sometimes for no reason. I used to hand-feed Porky the box turtle because he seemed to eat better that way. He was just lulling me into complacency so he could put the hurt on my pinky when I got careless. Can't blame him, though. If I lived in a temperature controlled box I'd spend whole days thinking about biting The Hand.

[#50 posted by Doug Nelson , July 23, 2008 10:30 PM]

How do we know he doesn't **really** like cats?

It was like watching a Pepe Le Pew cartoon in slow motion.

[#51 posted by eustace , July 23, 2008 11:19 PM]

He was nothing if not persistant. Implacable is the word for him. Unstoppable. Or just single minded.

[#52 posted by Evil Jim , July 23, 2008 11:56 PM]

Just like humans, animals can be jerks too.

I liked the shot of the turtle coming right at the camera.

[#53 posted by hohum , July 24, 2008 1:30 AM]

Just wonderful! I too was concerned about the poor turtle's head... But I bet he could bite down on the kitteh's tongue if it came down to it. Fun couple of critters, they are.

[#54 posted by Anonymous , July 24, 2008 4:36 AM]

Testudo won't stop, FEAR THE TURTLE!

[#55 posted by slawkenbergius , July 24, 2008 6:04 AM]

Strange how the tortoise has somehow become a turtle...

[#56 posted by okiedokie , July 24, 2008 7:46 AM]

The cats just need to reason with the turtle. It's obvious that the cats need to change so that the turtle doesn't hate them so much. The turtle will listen to reason and it's obvious that nobody has taken the time to sit down with him, with no restrictions, and talk and reason things out.

[#57 posted by Saisumimen , July 24, 2008 8:20 AM]

This would've been way funnier if they added the scary "Jaws" music when the turtle was on the attack.

[#58 posted by Anonymous , July 24, 2008 11:52 AM]

looks like one of the mediterranean species of tortoises; these are commonly kept as garden pets in england. the males of these types of tortoises in particular can be rather aggressive when it comes to their territory or their ladies. i love where between 1:00 and 1:05 he's so riled up that he's snapping at the camera...

[#59 posted by Chevan , July 24, 2008 12:29 PM]

>tortoise has somehow become a turtle...
Tortoises are just turtles that hate water.

It's a square/rectangle thing.

[#60 posted by Anonymous , July 24, 2008 5:16 PM]

this is great! although, the tort could think the cat is an edible veggie. mine aren't vicious but try to eat anything out of the ordinary (toes that look like strawberries, plaster statues, etc).

[#61 posted by Anonymous , July 24, 2008 11:54 PM]

i can haz katzburger?