American Eagle flight returns to gate after flight attendant goads autistic toddler into a tantrum
Kathryn sez, "American Eagle returns a plane to the gate to kick off a toddler and his mom. Apparently, the flight attendant kept yanking on the autistic toddler's seatbealt to make sure it as tight, touching off a temper tantrum. Doesn't this make you feel safer?"
"She kept coming over and tugging his seatbelt to make it tighter, 'This has to stay tight'. And then he was wiggling around and trying to get out of his seatbelt. And she kept coming over and reprimanding him and yelling at him," Farrell said...Link (Thanks, Kathryn!)"The pilot made an announcement that there was a woman and her child on the plane and the child is uncontrollable. And at that point I just broke down," Farrell said.
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Very sad incident. If autism was a little more understood by the general public things like this wouldn't happen as often (though to be honest this is the first news story I have seen like this, but I have seen a few others along the same lines). Lots of autistic children have tics that can even be whole movements of their body.
Asshole flight attendant.
"...He was upset. He was on the floor rolling around..."
So during takeoff her child was on the floor rolling around? Sounds like grade A parenting right there! It's tragic, really, that the pilots didn't just take off, I mean it's obvious that the flight attendant who's story we haven't heard is an awful human being who's sole purpose is to reek havoc on the lives of people everywhere, she would even take the safety of everyone on the fight over the two year old's happiness in denying em TOYS! no wonder the mother was unable to keep the child in the seat when the toys where overhead...
I'll add that heaven will take note at the pilots (who's story we also haven't gotten a chance to hear) actions in giving a stern warning to a mother about her inability to keep her child in the seat and not rolling about the floor(!!!!! whos' he to warn a mother about plane safty?!), as if they didn't understand that autism outranks safety on the plane!... America surely is going to hell in a hand basket... a plane can't even take off with an autistic child rolling about screaming in the isles with bags unsecured! What is this nazi germany?!
No but seriously, I do feel safer, a two year old was rolling about in the isles with a mother who couldn't keep her child in a seat during takeoff. I would definitely fly with the pilot/airline who makes the call to head back rather then risk the lives of people on board.
Spoon: I will charitably assume you are utterly,totally and complete ignorant of anything at all about autism.
Whenever I've flown an American carrier, the flight attendants (and passengers) have looked at children like they've got Ebola. When I've flown Egypt Air or Air India, the flight attendants swoop down and pick up the kids and hug and kiss them. I'm just sayin...
@Takuan
I wouldn't say 'completely ignorant', but I'll admit I'm not totally up to snuff as to the condition because I didn't know that they would be indestructible while bouncing around the cabin during severe turbulence while not hurting other passengers... I've always had a dream of being a carny, more specifically I once thought it would be cool to take a summer to travel around with carnys while being that crazy dude who manages the bumper cars, so do tell me, would an autistic baby be safe rolling about in the middle of a bumper car track? or should the attendant turn off the juice?
Please explain if I'm being insensitive here.
@Antinous
Do you think an Egypt Air or Air India flight attendant would be better at keeping an American womans child from rolling about the floors?
Yes, because they would have been far more soothing. The US and northern Europe don't have the most child-friendly cultures. I'd venture a guess that most US flight attendants view children on a plane as a nuisance where flight attendants from some other parts of the world would regard them as a pleasure. Children notice when you look at them bug-eyed.
I have had it with these muthafuckin' kids on a muthafuckin' plane.
very well, first question: do you have, or have you raised children? Generalities are fine, I do not wish to pry but this should be established first.
@ Spoon -
I'm a business traveler who flies at least twice a week (and maybe 6 times on other weeks), and I see a lot of things that go on in flights.
Now, while there are a lot of obnoxious passengers, the vast majority of flight attendants on American carriers are in general quite rude, especially when it comes to children.
I mean, the kid is 2 years old AND autistic - and whoever thinks that parents can magically shut their children up is smoking crack. And worse yet is the suggestion by folks who think that parents should drug their children up. I mean, seriously. Kids cry. Sometimes, they are hard to handle. And as adults, we must accept that and handle the situation accordingly. It's not like you weren't 2 once.
If anything, I've found flight attendants to be more annoying than obnoxious passengers or kids. In fact, I've sat next to kids on so many occasions, and I will have to agree with Antinous on how flight attendants on American carriers treat children (and adults, at that).
I sincerely hope that that flight attendant gets slapped with a lawsuit and is at least fired.
There was an Asian kid who was traveling next to me, and he was playing his video game when the plane was taking off. Rather than be nice to him, the flight attendant tried forcing him to put it down, and take it from him. He threw a fit. I just talked to him as his peer, showed him something shiny (a game on my PDA) and told him that I'd let him play with it if he'd switch with me, and the kid and I hit off awesomely. Incidentally, this was on an American Eagle flight.
There is no reason to treat kids like they are retards, or like they need to be talked down to. Talk to them as peers, treat them nicely and you will get a better reaction.
And sometimes, just accept the fact that, well, they are KIDS. Geez!
Based on what I've read, and I doubt that we've heard the whole story, the attendant was wrong. However, how many people would have been defending the child/parent if the details of the flight attendant's actions were not made available? How many people would still be taking the parent's side because they had an autistic kid?
If the kid can't control themselves on a flight, they shouldn't be on one... the same as any adult.
Cory, I think you mean American Airlines. American Eagle is a clothing boutique. ;)
The wife and I NEVER fly American after they put her through the ringer when she tried to change her flight to fly out for a funeral.
Even with all of the required info (funeral date/time, relationship to deceased) and paying an exorbitant fee they ended canceled her reservation without telling her.
Eventually it all got worked out but at the cost of losing our business, her parents, and two siblings. (We used to fly them frequently).
@Takuan:
I know plenty about autism, but the fact remains that if your child is so out of control that they cannot remain in their seat when it is required, you should not bring them on an airplane. I don't care if the child has autism, SID, severe ADHD, or is just a bad kid -- the parent has to take some responsibility as to what situations they put their child in. The FAA regulations about carry-on stowage and passengers remaining in their seats were put in place for VERY good safety reasons.
I also think that there are a number of parents that use autism to excuse their child's bad behavior, and because they see the behavior as a bona fide disorder they refuse to punish it. It's a self-reinforcing cycle. While I don't believe this is the case in a majority of child autism cases, I know that this happens more than people want to admit. I'm not saying that this child wasn't autistic, and I'm not saying that most autism diagnoses are incorrect, but just because a parent says their child is autistic shouldn't mean that you HAVE to give them a free pass for all behavior.
The problem is - and I might seem a touch cold for saying it - that #3 has a point.
No matter why, or how avoidable it would have been with smoother or more knowledgeable cabin personel:
1) If the attendant felt that the belt was likely to have been loosened too much, they had to do something. Arguably something else than what they did.
2) If the end result was indeed that the kid was unsecured, not taking off was the right choice.
Of course, just talking calmly to the mother and letting her handle things would have been the sensible thing to do, but I can sort of understand the attendant. Imagine it for a moment from the POV of a tired, stressed flight attendant that sees a kid repeatedly wiggling out of his seat belt after being told not to. Sure, we all like to think that -we- would have done the right thing and been patient and understanding, but ... I can imagine why things went as they did.
Not that it's ok. If you are in a job like that, you're expected to show above average patience and sensibility.
So...what? Ship the kid parcel post? Yeah, flight attendants have a crappy job. In what other industry do you get to treat your customers like shit and get away with it? I worked in a hospital for twenty years. I never saw a situation that couldn't be defused by someone with a few basic people skills and a little compassion. Maybe the airlines should rethink their hiring guidelines.
@Antinous
Fair enough.
@Takuan
no and no, but I have done the run of the mill stuff with kids form in the age group of 1-3 including feeding, and putting to bed, and soothing, and playing with, and just making faces to pass the time & possibly entertain them.
@Metlin
So the autistic kid should be able to roll about the isles during takeoff/turbulence/landing because it's magically protected by god? or would you support also support a lawsuit against the flight attendant who let the kid be rolling about the isles when something happened during takeoff/turbulence/landing and it was injured or killed?
We don't know what happened, we wheren't there (and haven't gotten a proper story), but the mother did say the kid was rolling about the floor prior to taking off and the pilot (presumably) decided it wasn't safe to have a child on board who wasn't able to stay seated (for whatever reason). Aside from that she says that the flight attendant was ensuring the belt was snug, and the child was undoing it. We might be able to make some assumption that the flight attendant is a horrible daemon from past experiences, but it still seems reasonable that a child rolling about the ground should be put off the plane so all the other passengers can get to their destination. The real clincher here is if the woman got the money for the flight back (which she should).
what concerns me is the apparent lack of any empathy for a parent facing what must be done - and cannot be done. I agree that safety comes first. I do not agree that mere comfort of other passengers always comes first. Caring for someone autistic - and it is not always a child, sometimes it is 300 pounds of blind fury, is an immense burden. Some have what it takes to wear it with grace. But most ordinary mortals are carrying a load that never ends and will one day break them if there is no respite. It never stops. Have some care for them.
Public education is the answer. If someone can take away one simple fact from this: It Is Not The Parent's Fault - It Is not The Child's Fault - It Just IS.
To the more specific; airlines should be making more effort to train their crew and provide for these people. At least in respecting dignity.
"Goaded" seems a bit strong. If the kid did fly out of the seat and whack its head, I would imagine that the header would look like "Woman sues heartless airline for endangering infant".
Flight attendants on the commuter flights are crabby. They're not flying the big routes, their pissed, and they're going t let you know it. And American commuter flights?! Forget about it!
I'm not quite sure I see what everyone is upset about. Given all of the issues of Autism, and the legal regulations on the airlines, I would imagine there would be conflicts occasoinally. The child WAS unconrollable. The plane cannot wait on the tarmac until the child has calmed, as it would create a cascading logistical nightmare. Therefore the child remaining in the seat was an urgent matter. Urgency begat chaos (as can happen with autism) and therefore they needed to return to the gate.
This can happen even if the attendants are the nicest people in the world. The pilot acted properly, after coming back. The only valid complaint I can see is that the attendent herself wasn't nice enough. But even the mother's complaint only shows she wanted the attendant to not be so demanding. Which, as I addressed in the first paragraph, wasn't possible.
Those who are upset, Cory, Kathryn, commenters: What was the proper option here? What could the attendant have done given her constraints?
if the delay had been the result of an elderly person having heart palpitations,everyone's reaction would have been different.The autistic are instead treated as un-persons.
The child WAS uncontrollable.
No, the child was persistently pestered until he had a tantrum. That is very different from uncontrollable. If you keep poking a perfectly nice dog, it's going to bite you. That doesn't make it a vicious beast. Just a dog.
The pilot acted properly
Frankly, the pilot's announcement sounds like a fit of pique. The whole thing sounds like a fit of pique on the part of the airline employees. Is it possible that the child could have been kept calm? Well, we'll never know because the airline showed a remarkable lack of tact in dealing with the child in the first place. Perhaps TSAitis is contagious.
@Antinous, on the assumption that you're answering me:
I did say, and mean, that it was not ok: The attendant should have handled things better. It is - or at least should be - one of the job requirements.
My point was only that this is a two-sided case where the reaction of the part at fault is somewhat understandable. Not that I blame the kid or the parent: The mother did nothing wrong, and the son couldn't be expected to react differently.
Perhaps that's the sad part - I can easily see it happen again.
Lots 'O discussion already going on at Consumerist.
I think there's more to this story - in particular with the mom's actions...
From this article:
"The Farrells, who were on the way to visit family in New Jersey, were originally supposed to takeoff on Sunday, but the flight was cancelled when the plane was on the runway.
Jarret was perfectly fine on that flight, Farrell said, with crew members letting her son walk around the plane and watch his DVD player." (Emphasis mine)
So, in the mother's eyes, everything was alright when the flight crew didn't enforce any of the rules? That was the "understanding" she was looking for?
if the delay had been the result of an elderly person having heart palpitations,everyone's reaction would have been different. Maybe. But is they were severe enough he couldn't remain in his seat, he too would have been taken back to the gate. Hopefully sent to a doctor, as well.
No, the child was persistently pestered until he had a tantrum. The mother said he "was wiggling around and trying to get out of his seatbelt." He was being pestered because he wasn't complying with federal airline regulations (upright seated position, fastened seat belt). Can we agree on this part? We can debate the specifics of her actions.
Frankly, the pilot's announcement sounds like a fit of pique. Maybe. Maybe it was simply a calm decision given he couldn't ensure the rules were complied with. And I've been on two planes where passengers have caused delays or been removed, and both times the pilots announced that a passenger was the cause. (Kinda insensitive, but many passengers weren't sure what was happening.)
Takuan, Antinous, lack of tact or no, do you think that there will never be an intractable conflict between autistic people and airline regulations?
Wow, I am so sorry for all the typos. I hope you can decipher the above.
There is no situation that can't be ameliorated or exacerbated by human action.
Does that include going back to the gate to let the kid calm down for an hour until the next flight?
@Takuan
Rereading my posts I was being insensitive to the situation, I agree with your point, but I think it's hard to blame the flight attendant with such one sided information (Cory called it goading while I don't believe the mother thought it that harshly from her quotes).
I tend to make up details that are missing as (in my head) extremely for the antagonist as possible since that generally makes for a more true story then what is presented.
@Antinous
persistently pestered? where you there and in her head? or are you just assuming? From what is said in the article the attendant kept tightening the belt, and as a flight attendant would know how fit the belt is supposed to be, why do you assume she was pestering?
Your presumption of persistent pestering sounds to be prejudice of the profession and is poposturous given the purported position of the parties paraphrased from the particular piece that was linked to.
@ Cinemajay -
You are quite mistaken. American Eagle is a smaller airline affiliated with American Airlines. They do regional trips, and have smaller jets (usually Embraers).
@ Spoon -
You're misconstruing my point. All I'm saying is that treating kids as adults is WRONG because they are NOT adults. They are kids, and hence, we should allow for some leeway. And we cannot treat them the same way simply because you want to.
Where in the world is all this intolerance coming from? I mean, a kid throws a tantrum. How about reasoning with the child, leaving it up to the parent and being a little understanding?
At some level, you're right, it is the consequence of our lawsuit-happy country that we have to resort to doing things (however stupid they are) at any cost.
But isn't that a poor excuse, at the end of the day? Every time I read about how a kid is an intolerable nuisance, I am amazed. Sure, there are some really obnoxious kids (and adults) out there, but the vast majority of them are quite easily handled, if only you had a little tact, patience, kindness and respect. And if you know that the kid has a medical condition (i.e. autism), all the more reason to be more understanding.
As a flight attendant, you are in the services industry, interacting with your customers. If empathy and patience with people aren't your strong suits, you should probably be doing something less challenging like staring at a wall.
And it is not about the money - it is about the treatment, and about getting inconvenience. I put a higher value on those, than anything else.
If I had to pay more to get that, then so be it. But despite fleecing passengers, most American carriers still seem to hire the worst hags as flight attendants. This is a problem endemic to the industry, immaterial of this situation.
Just as a matter of interest, was this seatbelt designed for a child of that age or does the airline's much vaunted concern for safety only go as far as cinching a toddler into an adult restraint device, something that has proven its value as a family-reduction mechanism in so many automobile accidents?
#11 Cinemajay "Eventually it all got worked out but at the cost of losing our business, her parents, and two siblings. (We used to fly them frequently)."
they don't care... as far as they're concerned, there's plenty more self-loading cargo to fill your empty seats...
wouldn't be any problems if the seats were facing the other way so that they held you in in the event of a crash...
I've never had a flight attendent tell me or my little kids to tighten our seatbelts, much less tighten one for me. Why was this attendent so keen on tightening this kid's belt?
@AnnoyedCapitalist: "Those who are upset, Cory, Kathryn, commenters: What was the proper option here? What could the attendant have done given her constraints?"
Not yell. Check the seatbelt, certainly. Carefully watch the mother check the seatbelt, even better. If the time line is correct, the attendant yelled while the child was still belted. The meltdown and seat-leaving didn't happen until *after* the child was yelled at.
To me, yelling is the point where it crossed the line. Lots of children can be startled into silence with a yell. But autistic children usually react poorly to significant, unexpected stimuli, especially ones that they aren't used to. Many will also pick up on emotional tone. So a "stern warning" is like waving a red flag.
Once the child was known to be autistic, yelling at him and speaking sternly was not the wrong thing to do - it was the worst thing to do. Yelling at an autistic child is pretty much guaranteed to force the flight back to the gate.
And yes, I *do* expect the flight crew to know that. Goes with the territory. If they are never trained about this, then it's an airline problem, not a crew problem.
As for the pilot - keep in mind he will have no first hand knowledge of the situation. Everything he knows he has been told by the crew. When he comes back to give a warning, he's not likely to hang around a while and observe - based on what he has been told, he'll come back, warn, do a rapid assessment of the situation at that time, and return to the cockpit.
Now, if the aircraft is unsafe for takeoff, it's going back to the gate no matter what. I think this is less about that part, and more about how the flight crew did something they should have known not to do.
They also might have defused the situation if they had listened to the parent. Sounds like she was asking for sympathy and understanding - which includes understanding that her child doesn't need to break the rules (at no point in any of the linked articles can I find a specific reference that says she asked them to break the rules - even on the previous canceled flight) but does need to be handled differently.
I hate American carriers. I agree with the poster who said that this would not have happened on Air Indian. I once flew Air Indian to Paris and it was the best flight I have ever taken. The people were so nice and the vegetarian Indian food was yummy and just kept coming. The Bollywood movies were really fantastic to watch. And there was leg room. The attendants were really nice to the children too. And there were LOTS of children on my flight.
One problem is that there is no food on American domestic flights anymore. If there were I bet a packet of cookies would have calmed that child right down. For those who say that this amounts to drugging the child with dangerous carbs I say desperate times call for desperate measures.
Or how about a toy? When I was a little kid the stewardess (they were stewardesses back then) had all sorts of flight-related toys to give out -- little planes and such.
Lots of things can calm kids down or at least take their minds off of what is bothering them (seat belt). Distraction is key I bet. Are there little books for kids or crayons or something? No? Well then this is what happens. (Of course it is also the parents responsibility to prepare for the crappy domestic flight by bringing things the child can get caught-up in. Knowing what we know now).
I don't know much about autistic people but I know that they are people. I personally often witness the cranky rude impersonal staff of American Airlines and don't imagine for a minute that even a non-autistic child of that age wouldn't get freaked out by having a total stranger constantly yank on a device designed to imprison them. When I was a kid I I didn't mind shots, but I was always traumatized by the blood-pressure device at the pediatrician's office, because it cinched-up on my arm and pinched me while holding me tight. It scared me. I can see this child being frightened by the attendant who was treating the child like another piece of recalcitrant baggage needing to be secured and not like a sentient being.
the airline's much vaunted concern for safety... Antinous, note that I've never mentioned the airline's concern for safety. These are about government regulations. I don't think airlines would spend as much time on safety procedures without them. You may point to the flight on which the kid was happy -- they clearly broke the rules by allowing him the player and to wander. But you cannot reasonably expect an attendant to follow one set of stupid rules but not follow another set of stupid rules for this kid's convenience.
Chris S -- These events were taking place as the plane approached takeoff. Sympthy and understanding were constrained by time. Now, none of us know exactly what the child did before being chided. The attendant may have been evil and singled him out from the beginning. Or the child may have been in violation of the regulations. As the mother admitted the child was "wiggling around and trying to get out of his seatbelt," I think we can both concede that the latter is at least as likely as the former. If the child was in violation, then the attendant had two options: be firm with the child (which doesn't work with autism), or ask to return to the gate. Asking for more time on the runway is not an option for the airline or the airport. She decided to be firm, which escalated to the whole event we've read about.
We haven't heard from anyone answering my question whether of not we can expect Autism and the regulations to come into conflict occasionally.
It is possible that the attendant was a horrible person. However, it is also possible that this was just one of those times that the conflict arose.
they used to hand round Barley Sugar boiled sweets just before takeoff... that would be one way of shutting the kids up...
"But autistic children usually react poorly to significant, unexpected stimuli, especially ones that they aren't used to."
Like having a complete stranger reach out for the general direction of your nether-regions and tug around there. I can't imagine this being a particularly efficient way for making non-autistic children feel at ease in their seats, either.
In fact, I can remember when they did this to me as a kid. (Must have been around preschool age. I still have the little plastic airplane 'distraction toy' they gave me!) I was quite happy and excited to be on a plane. I knew why they did it. I knew the seatbelt was good and for my own safety. And even though I found the stewardesses most pleasant and friendly - this particular situation made my instincts kick in, and I had to suppress a latent urge to just get the hell out of there.
Heck, any two-year old has a psychological problem who doesn't get the impression that being tightly strapped down by a stranger is not the best place for a child to be right now and tries to wiggle around. You can't alleviate this feeling by getting upset and yelling at them. I thought this was part of any flight attendant's basic psychologal training. Do they only learn how to use tasers instead, nowadays?
I think the issue here is less about the child having autism and more about general interaction between airline employees and customers. I have kids and I can attest to the fact that when I travel with them in the US I am treated in a completely different manner than when I fly solo. I have had flight staff harass me and my kids, threaten us with "regulations" and ignore us.
It is definitely a reflection of our American child/family hating culture. The same things happen when you go to restaurants. I think the mistake this parent made was letting the flight attendant touch her child, I would have stopped that immediately, explained my child's situation and told her to let me handle it, period.
It is definitely a reflection of our American child/family hating culture. The same things happen when you go to restaurants. This stuck out for me. You do realize that bringing children to restaurants (and on flights) is a largely American thing, yes? I have seen far fewer children dining out (or flying) in Asia, Eastern Europe, and Africa then in the US.
Anyone else with data? Or at least anecdotes?
"Your presumption of persistent pestering sounds to be prejudice of the profession and is poposturous given the purported position of the parties paraphrased from the particular piece that was linked to."
Bravo Spoon.
That said, srry t nny th chldrn-r-nvr-wrng crwd, bt the health and safety of the group overrides the sensitivities of a parent and child. Yes, even an autistic one. All we know is the single point of view of the mother - and yet I still think the airline was right to kick them off the flight. Wndr hw mch mr cnvncd w wld b f w knw th whl stry?
And to Mark - yes, I have been asked to tighten my seatbelt by a flight attendant. The story already indicates that the child was squirming out of their seat - this was clearly a situation that warranted seatbelt tightening (at the very least).
Tht sd, lv hw ths thrd s dvlvng nt "y ht chldrn" vs. "n dn't" pssng cntst.
/n, dn't rlly lv t.
this thread is devolving into a "you hate children"... contest
Actually, what created the havoc in BoingBoing was the autism.
My only complaint is with the Hostess or Pilot turning the responsibility for the inconvenience onto the mother as though she is the only party who did something incorrectly.
The pilot has the right to turn anyone out of his/her airplane, but also has the responsibility to show some judgement.
I predict $500,000 US to the mother, reduced to 50K on appeal.
>>33
I've never had a flight attendent tell me or my little kids to tighten our seatbelts, much less tighten one for me. Why was this attendent so keen on tightening this kid's belt?
Seatbelts are supposed to be "securely fastened," that includes having it be snug enough that you're not going to go bouncing around if there's an emergency.
I've seen flight attendants tighten belts, tell people to tighten belts, I think I've been told at least once, and had a flight attendant do it to me once. Now I just make sure it's tightened automatically before the attendant comes around, and I loosen it once we're in the air. I hate seatbelts. I know they save lives, but I really freaking hate seatbelts.
Mostly that's because I used to get really motion sick as a kid, and the restraining feeling around my stomach made me feel worse (and shoulder belts are incredibly uncomfortable too, as they tend to cut into my neck).
As for the autistic kid, I think it should be a general rule that a flight attendant should NEVER NEVER NEVER touch a kid without asking the parents first, regardless of whether the kid's autistic or not.
I have rather the opposite perspective from Martha MacArthur above; I think American society at least is bends over backwards for unruly kids and their equally unruly parents. I seem to spend half my time navigating my way around giant strollers, being struck by strange kids at the grocery store or airport terminal, and listening to kids scream and their parents scream back wherever I go. Airplanes can be rather tense places, and every passenger has experienced the out-of-control seat-kicker and the beaming parent who thinks his monster is adorable.
Takuan brings up a point about autism: "sometimes it is 300 pounds of blind fury". Well, I am sorry for your plight, and support education, etc., but 300 pounds of blind fury does not belong on an airplane, period. Neither does 45 pounds of it. If your child's medical condition cannot be controlled, he doesn't belong on a plane.
Expecting flight attendants, who typically earn less than waitresses, to be sensitive medical professionals is absurd. Think they should be paid more? No you don't; you vote for lower fares and lower wages every time you search for a lower fare.
My youngest son is Autistic. Fortunately, he is easy to manage on airline flights, since he loves airplanes. The most difficulty we have had with him was enduring all of the waiting involved in commercial flying...I remember being forced to go up and down the escalators for over an hour to keep him amused during a layover.
Part of the problem with parenting an autistic child is that you have no road map...the disability is poorly understood (thirty years ago it was simply considered the parent's fault) and varies greatly in its impact on different people. Even raising a perfectly normal son prior to my autistic child offered me no insight into how to deal with him. It was all trial and error.
This mother would probably not have attempted the flight had she known how her child would behave. But she didn't. Few parents of autistic children do. You hope for the best, and cope with the rest. The flight attendant knew even less about how to deal with the situation, and no doubt aggravated it with her actions. (Yelling at an autistic child is pointless. Many of them comprehend spoken language poorly, if at all. Imagine being restrained by someone screaming at you in another language. How would you react?)
But I don't think there are any real bad guys here. Just bad decisions, made by tired and over-stressed people who didn't know any better.
Autism is a very difficult thing, and I can think of no better example of how we ALL bear the burden.
the basic question is: do autistic people have rights?
Ok Takuan, I'll bite: Yes. What rights of the child were violated?
Another question for you: If the child grows a few years further, and its discovered he was misdiagnosed and does not in fact have autism, does that make the flight attendant any less culpable?
The right to be treated with dignity. The right to travel freely. The right to have disabilities compensated for - just as wheelchair ramps are compulsory in civilized places.
The right to have a shot at as good a human life as those lucky enough not to born with autism.
Misdiagnosis? Sure it's possible, is that the kid's fault? Yes, the flight attendant is still at fault because she made the decision based on the available information. She is guilty of ignorance, possibly willful. If someone presents themselves to you in a certain way, you have a responsibility to accept that until proven otherwise.
here:
Declaration of the Rights of the Child
Proclaimed by General Assembly resolution 1386(XIV) of 20 November 1959
Whereas the peoples of the United Nations have, in the Charter, reaffirmed their faith in fundamental human rights and in the dignity and worth of the human person, and have determined to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom,
Whereas the United Nations has, in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, proclaimed that everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth therein, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status,
Whereas the child, by reason of his physical and mental immaturity, needs special safeguards and care, including appropriate legal protection, before as well as after birth,
Whereas the need for such special safeguards has been stated in the Geneva Declaration of the Rights of the Child of 1924, and recognized in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and in the statutes of specialized agencies and international organizations concerned with the welfare of children,
Whereas mankind owes to the child the best it has to give,
Now therefore,
The General Assembly
Proclaims this Declaration of the Rights of the Child to the end that he may have a happy childhood and enjoy for his own good and for the good of society the rights and freedoms herein set forth, and calls upon parents, upon men and women as individuals, and upon voluntary organizations, local authorities and national Governments to recognize these rights and strive for their observance by legislative and other measures progressively taken in accordance with the following principles:
Principle 1
The child shall enjoy all the rights set forth in this Declaration. Every child, without any exception whatsoever, shall be entitled to these rights, without distinction or discrimination on account of race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status, whether of himself or of his family.
Principle 2
The child shall enjoy special protection, and shall be given opportunities and facilities, by law and by other means, to enable him to develop physically, mentally, morally, spiritually and socially in a healthy and normal manner and in conditions of freedom and dignity. In the enactment of laws for this purpose, the best interests of the child shall be the paramount consideration.
Principle 3
The child shall be entitled from his birth to a name and a nationality.
Principle 4
The child shall enjoy the benefits of social security. He shall be entitled to grow and develop in health; to this end, special care and protection shall be provided both to him and to his mother, including adequate pre-natal and post-natal care. The child shall have the right to adequate nutrition, housing, recreation and medical services.
Principle 5
The child who is physically, mentally or socially handicapped shall be given the special treatment, education and care required by his particular condition.
Principle 6
The child, for the full and harmonious development of his personality, needs love and understanding. He shall, wherever possible, grow up in the care and under the responsibility of his parents, and, in any case, in an atmosphere of affection and of moral and material security; a child of tender years shall not, save in exceptional circumstances, be separated from his mother. Society and the public authorities shall have the duty to extend particular care to children without a family and to those without adequate means of support. Payment of State and other assistance towards the maintenance of children of large families is desirable.
Principle 7
The child is entitled to receive education, which shall be free and compulsory, at least in the elementary stages. He shall be given an education which will promote his general culture and enable him, on a basis of equal opportunity, to develop his abilities, his individual judgement, and his sense of moral and social responsibility, and to become a useful member of society.
The best interests of the child shall be the guiding principle of those responsible for his education and guidance; that responsibility lies in the first place with his parents.
The child shall have full opportunity for play and recreation, which should be directed to the same purposes as education; society and the public authorities shall endeavour to promote the enjoyment of this right.
Principle 8
The child shall in all circumstances be among the first to receive protection and relief.
Principle 9
The child shall be protected against all forms of neglect, cruelty and exploitation. He shall not be the subject of traffic, in any form.
The child shall not be admitted to employment before an appropriate minimum age; he shall in no case be caused or permitted to engage in any occupation or employment which would prejudice his health or education, or interfere with his physical, mental or moral development.
Principle 10
The child shall be protected from practices which may foster racial, religious and any other form of discrimination. He shall be brought up in a spirit of understanding, tolerance, friendship among peoples, peace and universal brotherhood, and in full consciousness that his energy and talents should be devoted to the service of his fellow men.
What sort of accommodations do airlines have for passengers with disabilities, and what is required of the airline (and passenger) in such cases?
We can transport persons in wheelchairs, but I assume this does require some advance notice. We can transport people with oxygen masks (and I presume this requires some advance notice as well).
Does anyone know what governmental regulations cover airlines (such as the Americans with Disabilities Act)? If we are really eager to determine blame, perhaps either the airline did not attempt to accommodate a parent who properly notified them of a child with a developmental disability, or perhaps there was parent who failed properly request special arrangements for her child.
After all, I'm assuming that it would be very different if you made reservations noting that you were in a wheelchair versus showing up with your ticket and announcing you were in a wheelchair. Or maybe I'm wrong. Airlines might be expected to handle every disability-related circumstance automatically.
Please note that I'm not trying to stigmatize autism (or anything else). I would just like to recognize that it is a recognized behavioral disorder (leaving aside questions of whether it is overdiagnosed, or misdiagnosed, or underdiagnosed), and likening it to "being unruly" is equivalent to treating a wheel-chair using person as someone who simply refuses to sit down in their assigned seat.
@29, Metlin,
I stand corrected. I was not intending to be snippy at Cory, just helpful.
@31, manicbassman,
Totally. We did end up flying on American (we had no choice really), it just took 5 more phone calls than needed.
Much of the concern seems to be that the flight attendant "goaded" an autistic child, but where in the article does it mention anything about her KNOWING that the child was autistic? Sure, she may have crossed some bounds in general, but until I hear otherwise I in no way think this has anything to do with "autistic rights."
@TAKUN:
Of course they have rights, but they don't have rights that extend beyond those given to "normal" people. Autistic people have no more rights to create a public safety hazard or nusance than anyone else. The FAA regulations weren't designed as a manifestation of a socio-normative society that descriminates against autistic people, they were designed for the safety of ALL the passengers.
@Antinous , June 25, 2008 10:01 PM
We must have different definitions of uncontrollable. Uncontrollable doesn't mean the chind was pitching a screaming fit, it means that the child could not be controlled. In this case, uncontrollable means that the child was unable to remain in his seat with his seatbelt securely fastened.
His "right" to travel was not infringed on -- they were given seats and were seated first. The issue arose when he could not conform to the regulations, which are equally to all people.
The fact that this hinges on his diagnosis of autism is ridiculous. What if he were not diagnosed until a few years later? What if the mother only knew that the kid wasn't much vocal and doesn't like to be touched? Don't you think this has happened hundreds of times over the years? People being put off the plane because they couldn't control the children.
Jst bcs y hv n tsm ftsh dsn't mn tht prblms g wy f vryn s nc t ths wth th dsrdr.
I want to clarify what I meant by family/child hating. There is a definite difference between accommodating (the big stroller thing, this annoys me too) parents/families/children in social situations and being culturally family friendly.
Obviously this does not apply to every situation, but many and especially air travel. My experiences in the US are that family/children are more of a burden, something to be tolerated, controlled and purged from the system as quickly as possible. We've all seen it, before I had kids I too took part in the loud sighs and rolling of eyes when I saw kids on a plane.
Since moving to a country where children, all children, even handicapped/disabled/delayed/etc. are considered a blessing I see the way society and kids especially benefit.
When we travel on the national airline here you see flight attendants helping the families, bringing out toys, scooping kids up and playing with them so mom or dad can use the bathroom. No one is violating "regulation" when doing this, there is no safety issue, they are simply natural behaviors. The reason is that they all have families or come from large families, there is a lot of multi generational living situations etc. The US just doesn't have much of this anymore and children are viewed as more of a burden.
I still feel that this situation escalated because the mother did not take control at the beginning . The first time the attendant spoke to them she should have explained her sons situation and assured her that he would have his belt on for take off. She should have also said very firmly, "Please, do not touch my child."
My employment history happens to include jobs working with special needs children and also working for an airline (both as a flight attendant and also in ops). I can definitely understand the frustrations on both sides of this situations. Many people do not understand the difficulty that is involved in taking care of an autistic child. With the constant tics and need for tactile stimulation, getting an autistic child to sit still for any extended period of time. Many (obviously not all) people look at this children as being obnoxious and annoying and that is really a shame because, from my experience, they actually tend to be very loving, intelligent kids who just happen to be faced with a problem that is very difficult, if not impossible, for them to control. On the other hand...(and if the flight attendant was, in fact, rude, she definitely could have handled herself much better)...rules are rules. And rules, when you're talking about FAA regulations are akin to FEDERAL LAWS. If those rules are broken, ALL PARTIES involved in the breaking of those rules can be held accountable through legal punishment and fines. I feel so much sympathy for the woman and her child, however, the flight and cabin crew could be held responsible for allowing FAA regulations to be broken. Until the FAA allows special circumstances for people with special needs children, the crew was only doing their job. Granted, they may have been doing it poorly if they were rude about it.
And to those of you who commented on flight attendants that work for American carriers being rude and child hating: I take extreme exception that. I was always happy to have children on my flights. I even carried around mini coloring books and card games in my flight bag in case I had unaccompanied minors or other children who looked bored or upset. My mother, who is still currently a flight attendant, does the same.
Generalizations are grand.
I've worked as a nanny/babysitting for most of my life, so cranky two year-olds are totally norm for me. Whether they have autism or not, two year-olds can be hell on earth. They can throw huge temper tantrums and cry for hours and generally make the cutest, funniest, most well behaved little human into the most evil of tiny demons.
Seriously. Don't mess with two year-olds. They just don't possess the skills to deal with stress or the mental maturity to manage their anger or frustration. There's a reason my family says, "Don't taunt happy fun ball" about my two year old nephew.
Couple that with autism, which can make trigger points unpredictable from person to person, the stress of a new place/airports, and a brisk flight attendant and Mt. Vesuvius is not far off.
Personally, I don't know why the flight attendant was tightening his seat belt rather than his mother. Why didn't she ask the mother to do it for him? Little kids can be weird about strangers sometimes and a stranger touching them could cause any little kid to have a crying fit. And as for his wiggling, seriously, he's two, they are wiggle machines. They can have attention spans of gnats sometimes. And yelling at a child, regardless of disability, seems a very bad way to calm a situation.
Regardless of who's to blame (and most likely no one really is), the airline definitely needed to show more sensitivity during the situation. I've personally witnessed children both with disabilities and without be treated with creatures from the depths of hell for doing nothing more than being curious, wiggly kids.
@Metlin
Do you see the obvious flaw in your logic?
Reasoning with a misbehaving child (even if the child has a disability), is treating that child as an adult. It is also teaching the child that there is no need to respect authority, which will certainly lead to future misbehavior. The method used to deal with a child in this situation may differ based on the child's autism, but reasoning with the child in any case does the child a dis-service.
Think of it this way: you're essentially lying to the child by giving them the impression that they can impact what the authority figure's desired outcome in the particular situation. You aren't actually reasoning with a child. You're trying to convince them that you're right, and you're really inflexible on what you consider to be right. The way they see it is being completely disregarded. Children aren't stupid, and they won't respect a liar any more than an adult will.
After reading this story and all these comments, I can't help but feel that this is almost entirely the parent's fault. The parent should have kept the kid buckled in correctly in the first place. The parent should have anticipated what her kid's reaction was likely to be, and stopped the flight attendant from triggering it. The parent should have kept her kid in compliance with the rules during the flight. Lastly, the parent should have voluntarily removed herself and her child from the flight if she couldn't accomplish those things.
Maybe the flight attendant was an asshole... But that doesn't make it the flight attendant's fault.
I'm with the "It's the parent's fault" camp. Although I think I'm also in the "The attendant was probably being a jerk" camp. And I'm even partly in the "It's probably even the child's fault too" camp, which consists of probably just me.
Kids these days need to learn to shut up and sit down, in other words . . . discipline. Actually, Americans in general (myself included) could benefit from a bit more discipline.
Parents need to learn they aren't supposed to their child's friend, they're supposed to be their parent, and the two jobs aren't compatible. Sometimes you need to put your foot down, and as a nation we seem to be forgetting that.
And flight attendants need to learn not to be rude. (In general I think flight attendants have this one down pretty well, I rarely enounter one who isn't polite and helpful, it probably helps that they're paid to be so.)
Basically I think everyone in this story other than the pilot is probably wrong at some level. The pilot I'm okay with, he had to tell the rest of the plane something, and it might as well be the truth, after all it has the advantage of being . . . well . . . The Truth.
-abs
Odd that nobody has seriously addressed my question at #30. That suggests that some commenters are more interested in defending authority than ensuring safety.
Abs: you have to quit by-lining or it isn't fair
Antinous, I answered in #36.
Can you now answer my question at the end of #24?
@ANTINOUS#30:
Just as a matter of interest, was this seatbelt designed for a child of that age or does the airline's much vaunted concern for safety only go as far as cinching a toddler into an adult restraint device, something that has proven its value as a family-reduction mechanism in so many automobile accidents?
The seatbelts on airlines are just lap belts. Most airlines allow "infant on lap" up to 2 years of age. After that, you have to buy a ticket for the kid, but there is no requirement to use a child safety seat.
Here is a link to a press release about not requiring child safety seats on airplanes. An excerpt here:
WASHINGTON, DC — The Department of Transportation's Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) today announced that it will not mandate the use of child safety seats on airplanes because of the increased safety risk to families.
The agency said its analyses showed that, if forced to purchase an extra airline ticket, families might choose to drive, a statistically more dangerous way to travel.
It's worth noting that per the FAA website about traveling with children, most existing child safety seats approved for cars are also approved for use in airplane seats.
Perhaps for kids who have an aversion to new surroundings or unfamiliar restraint devices, the parents could bring the car seat along and belt the seat in?
Note this caveat though:
While booster seats and harness vests enhance safety in vehicles, FAA prohibits passengers from bringing these types of restraints on airplanes for use during taxi, take-off and landing. These restraints should be checked as baggage. Also, supplemental lap restraints or "belly belts" are not approved for use in both airplanes and vehicles in the United States.
This means you can't wear your infant in a Snugli or similar "sling" type carrier during takeoff and landing. Booster or other "belt positioning" seats are not only prohibited, but their function is moot as airplanes don't yet have shoulder belts.
Also on the FAA site is a link to the *only* FAA approved airplane-only 22 to 44 pound child safety harness, if you don't want to lug the car seat along. It essentially turns the seatbelt into a 5-point harness similar to what you get in a car seat.
Traveling with kids is probably hard - so far my 16mo daughter has flown two round-trip tickets on my lap, and hasn't been much of a problem at all. We haven't even gotten much in the way of dirty looks, which surprised me. What worked for me (YMMV) was being active with her - bouncing her, rocking her, reading to her, holding her up so she could see over the seats sometimes, etc. Oh, and since they offer to let you keep the in-flight magazine it becomes an instant toy. I only let her tear out the pre-perf "join this expensive buy things club" cards, though, not shred the magazine. If I'd let her do that, my own magazines would not be safe at home...
My take on this kerfuffle? We don't know enough. I'd have taken the car seat with - presumably, given this is a US-based story - the kid has to ride in cars so said kid is probably "used to" their car seat. At least the parent likely has more examples of the kid's behavior in said car seat than on a plane, and a 5 point car seat harness is harder to get out of. Oh, and what MARTHA_MACARTHUR said @#56 about the mother: The first time the attendant spoke to them she should have explained her sons situation and assured her that he would have his belt on for take off. She should have also said very firmly, "Please, do not touch my child."
That right there would have put the focus squarely on the mother, where it belongs. Note that this does not mean any less compassion should be shown in the situation (ie: much more than was shown at least from what little we know about the situation) but it would have allowed/required the mother to act as the appropriate intermediary between airline/FAA policy and kid.
Later,
-cajun
of course there will be conflict. That is an inescapable fact of the contact between the autistic and the non-autistic. No one can fairly expect the airlines to get it right every time. But they have to acknowledge when they get it wrong.
I repeat one of my favorite homilies: Apologize! So much trouble,blood, litigation and death in human history could have been averted or reduced by a simple, honest apology. Lawyers bear a heavy responsibility here for discouraging it and the courts an even greater one for not recognizing their import.
Well, actually you sidestepped my question, which is fine, but doesn't answer it.
As to yours, I don't actually think that autism is the key concept here. I imagine that this has probably happened many times with non-autistic children. I really think that it's a children thing. I wonder though if the flight attendant, on discovering that the child was autistic (assuming that it happened) became more authoritarian, or just thought, "He's a retard. There's no point in trying to be reasonable." It happens. A lot.
Well, actually you sidestepped my question, which is fine, but doesn't answer it. Oh. I thought you were looking for the answer to "Why are they so focused on something that isn't actually safer." I don't have an answer otherwise.
of course there will be conflict And that's been part of my non-issue with this the whole time -- besides the mother's anger at the attendant, this sounds exaclty like how one of those inevitable conflicts would occur.
And Antinous you're exactly right that it's happened many times with non-autistic children. That's why I'm so stunned at the anger that the autism factor has spurred here. If the attendant was harsh, she would have been harsh to any child. Wtht th "xcs" f tsm, mny prnts wld hv hd t blg th rln nd gt ff wtht ny bg stry t sll t th prss.
Stop talking about the attendants responsibility. The Captain of that plane is solely responsible.
Solely. Look it up.
@me #66
Whoops! Missed a few things. When I quoted the FAA press release thusly:
The agency said its analyses showed that, if forced to purchase an extra airline ticket, families might choose to drive, a statistically more dangerous way to travel.
I goofed in my followup.
That bit of the quote applies to child safety seats vs. child on lap - not to child safety seat vs. standard airplane safety belt. My bad.
The statistics are still good though: It's statistically safer for a kid to be unbelted (ie, on a parent's lap) on a plane than to be in a car!
Lap belts alone in cars are sub-optimal. In planes, the dynamics of a crash are probably quite different than cars. If you auger in, you'd a deader no matter what type of seatbelt you are wearing. If you belly-flop, a lot of the force will be up and down stuff, that a shoulder belt probably doesn't do much for. After the hit, the deceleration forces are likely to be spread out over a few hundred feet or more, which isn't the same as the sharp whack a car wreck causes. Beyond that, I'd be speculating even worse.
Many school buses don't have seatbelts at all, for that matter, and what ones I've seen are lap belt only again. Maybe it's a mass thing - big vehicles are expected to spread deceleration out over longer distances?
Later,
-cajun
Without the "excuse" of autism, many parents would have had to oblige the airline and get off without any big story to sell to the press.
So this will have the positive impact of subjecting the airlines to scrutiny for turning their noses up at child passengers. I'm sure that thousand of black women got tossed out of their bus seats before Rosa Parks made a big stink about it. Long Live The Squeaky Wheels! For it is they who bring about change.
I just read a comment on a news site from a person that was a row up from the woman and child in this story. They heard everything and saw it all play out first hand and agreed with the pilots decision. It seems that the flight attendant did show a lot of patience and the mother did not have the ability to keep her child safely buckled in, so the plane turned back to keep them and the rest of the passengers safe. I don't see the problem. Parents need to accept responsibility for their children, disabled or not. It is one of those annoying facts of being a parent.
hey Cajun, no more by-lines sorry, it's the rules
Though, here's a fair question: is it a by-line if it is put at the tail of main text body? SO ASKS TAKUAN!
(somebody get a long stick and wake up Teresa)
Stop talking about the attendants responsibility. The Captain of that plane is solely responsible. Solely. Look it up.
Good point. The flight attendant was completely out of line for testing the seatbelt or even having any interaction of any kind with any of the passengers. She should probably be fired, even imprisoned, for interfering with the pilot's safe operation of the plane. Because the pilot is solely responsible. Solely.
@Takuan #74:
hey Cajun, no more by-lines sorry, it's the rules
"by-lines"? Oh, as in "signoff lines" or something to that effect? (wanders over to Moderation Policy post) Oh! .sig lines! I get it now, I'm used to "byline" being the bit in a Newspaper Story between the headline and the main text block. Can do, no more .sig-equivalent text.
Though, here's a fair question: is it a by-line if it is put at the tail of main text body? SO ASKS TAKUAN!
Your question supports my original position, but I think the Moderation Policy bit about .sig lines makes it clear what is intended, at least by way of comparison to .sig files. My wife calls them "siggys" and where she posts they generally have pictures and such attached. In one forum, they are often animated. Some even use the blink tag... (shudder)
(somebody get a long stick and wake up Teresa)
I'll have to decline that one, sorry. I'm not sufficiently privileged (or geographically close enough) to pull that off at this time.
that's OK, I dropped a hand grenade down her burrow with a lookitathat, hopefully she won't kill too many of us. Sigh...I miss the old days when we just chucked the closest approximation to a virgin available into the lava.
I would just like to say that I am happy to find that 2 people in this conversation have expressed their disdain for strollers. Seriously when did strollers get so big?
One day I was in the hardware store and this woman had a stroller that took up the entire aisle. It had giant off-road all-terrain tires and was about four feet tall with storage pockets all over the damn thing that made it twice as wide. I literally had to climb over the thing to get out of the aisle.
I don't care what the excuse, these thing should be illegal.
Also I am always perplexed by the number of no-skateboarding signs I see because in the whole of my life I have never been hit with a skateboard. I have however, been mowed-down, relentlessly by new mothers with strollers who use them like ice-breakers to cut through a crowd. It is really an unfair advantage because no one would ever hurt a child. Thus, these mothers basically have strapped their children to dangerous missile-type crowd-piercing projectiles.
Besides, I think that the rise in sex-crimes can be directly linked to the invention of the stroller. In these childrens' formative years they are placed at exactly groin-level. Their developing brains are imprinted not with people's faces and the sights of the world but with people's groins and knees coming at them at a rapid pace. No wonder porn is such a big industry in cultures with high-stroller use.
They say that Ugandan children have the highest IQs because they are strapped (slings) to the mother in these early years, feeling the rhythm of her movement and seeing the world from an adult-height perspective, feeling closeness and love from the mother.
Unless you have a disability that prevents you from physically carrying the child you should not be allowed to use a stroller. They are very uncivil and there are plenty of great on-body carriers on the market now.
One year I carried a two-year-old all over Manhattan, in a back-pack kind of thing. People talked to the child face-to-face, he got to look at paintings at the MET and MoMA and when he was cranky I just danced a little. I lost 15 pounds and had great calves.
That's my mustard.
What Zan and AnnoyedCapitalist said.
The kid was ROLLING IN THE AISLE and preventing takeoff. The parent refused to restrain him in his seat, and/or didn't plan ahead for this eventuality.
AND the mother didn't put her carry-on away properly.
The pilot did the right thing.
And to those that say this is "child-hating"--only in America do you see people being forced to accomodate any and all behavior by kids, with or without handicaps. It doesn't matter how much noise/havoc some kid is causing unchecked; you're the bad one if you DARE to tell a parent to step in and get the kid out of other people's space.
Some of the posters here sound like they'd let an 18-month-old run through a bridal shop with a cherry sno-cone.
my stroller hate: parents who use them to stop traffic. "I'll just jam my kid in the stroller out there and the cars will stop!" It's your KID! Not a white cane!
It seem odd, you not being the baby-eater.
free range or nothing. These battery kids have no texture.
Why should society or indeed any private company conform to your "special needs"? AA is providing a specific service for a fee. If you don't like their terms, don't purchase their service.
Why should society or indeed any private company conform to your "special needs"?
Let me guess. You work for the TSA. Or better yet, you're actually a member of Congress.
#78, I agree with you generally, but a certain 30 pound 12 month-old I am related to does wear one the hell out after slinging him for a few miles. At times like that it's nice to have the (11 pound, non-gargantuan) stroller as backup.
@78: Also I am always perplexed by the number of no-skateboarding signs I see because in the whole of my life I have never been hit with a skateboard.
Skaters are a threat to authority and society. Strollers, not so much.
#61 POSTED BY FNARF
I am not sure that this incident happened during take off or taxiing but yes I have watched attendants assist parents/elderly/in need of extra assistance right up until just before the plane starts to lift off the ground.
No, I have never had a child kick my seat I have had drunk gamblers in hawaiian shirts kick my seat and a good friend once had Prince kicking his seat all the way through a coast to coast flight but children never have.
Skrewgun @73, provide a link or don't say it.
Jenonymous @79, the kid was rolling in the aisle because of the complained-of behavior. I don't know about you, but if a flight attendant did the same thing to me, I would reflexively shout "STOP THAT!" -- and I'm neither autistic nor a child.
Why did she suddenly, forcibly, and repeatedly tighten the child's belt? I can only think it was out of a badly misplaced belief that this would make the child hold still. In fact, it exacerbated the behavior.
If an adult were squirming for some reason, we wouldn't do the same to them; or if we did, we could expect them to react badly. Nobody likes being treated that way.
In America, we expect children to be seen but not heard. We expect them to behave like little Stepford-babies, not the children that they are. We don't know what constitutes appropriate child behavior because our expectations are so out of whack. This doesn't necessarily lead to better behavior.I'm convinced that this is what leads some parents to decide that all rules of child behavior are nonsense, and abandon any attempt to control their offspring.
Teresa! We need the sig.line in main text body ruling. Go or no go? (see above)
"An American Eagle flight taxiing to a Raleigh-Durham Airport runway was turned around Monday, but not because of a terrorist threat."
Because... well... we're all in agreement that anytime a puddle jumper in North Carolina aborts its takeoff, it MUST be due to TERRORISM!
Who knows what happened on the flight: Maybe the flight attendant was out of line... I wouldn't be surprised if the mother was as well or failed to adequately explain the situation. I don't really care, I'm more amused by the opening line of the story...
This incident reflects my own recent ignorance about autism. Today I finished reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" which is narrated by the main character who has high functioning autism. An excellent read, both entertaining and informative.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Curious_Incident_of_the_Dog_in_the_Night-time
Had the attendant read this book, she may have had a better understanding of the child's reaction. This does not mean that the child may still have been suitable to fly.
I am the mother of a child with autism so I can fully understand this situation and this is what occurs to me. First, in my experience, even when I've informed the airline that I have a child with autism, it's been difficult to get seat assignments together now that she's no longer a toddler. They don't have a clue about autism and it would be be great if they had some training because with 1 in 150 of the children they have as customers having autism now, this is something they'll deal with.
When my child was little, I carried her own car seat onto the plane for her to sit in. First, she couldn't unbuckle it and second, because these kids love familiaritiy, it provided a sense of routine and security in an unfamilar environment. My family thought I was nuts for carrying so much and it was hard, but it worked. And lastly, I think it's safer for kids on planes to be in car seats, autistic or not.
Given this circumstance however, the flight attendant shouldn't be touching anyone's child and should have spoken only to the mother whether or not the child had a disability. For sure I can see how the scene played out as autism is a huge social skills disability and the mom would be the only person who could help the child...others would just make things worse, especially if they were harsh.
I have had to completely pull of the road and stop driving due to a tantrum and if it happened on a plane, the safest thing would be to turn around to the gate. It can take an hour or it could take six hours for my child to calm down depending on how many things that lead up to the tantrum throughout the day as the stimulus accumulates and can lead to an unexpected tantrum when they just can't take it anymore. It's highly embarrassing because others judge that you are a poor mother. Your child is not in a wheelchair and their disabilities are hidden.
I always discipline my child even if the trigger was due to the disability because the goal is to for her to be able to function in society so there have to be natural consequences for the behavior. It doesn't "heal" her of the autism but it does teach her how the world works. It doesn't mean she won't tantrum anymore or won't lose her privileges because she's not always in control, her disability is not enabling her to cope the way we expect. But if I made excuses, it wouldn't help her either. I try to have empathy while being firm but it's a very difficult thing as you can feel guilty for disciplining a child with a disability even if you know you have her best interests at heart. I know kids want and need boundaries.
So, anyway, I digress. Airlines should train their staff on autism and keep hands off kids. Parents should do their best but be willing to reschedule if they must; it's another unfortunate part of having a child with a disability. You have to be very flexible when they are inflexible. It would be very helpful if others didn't judge moms so harshly. It's highly stressful to feel everyone is looking down their noses at you when you are doing your best to help a child with a disability to gain control and the kids just don't have the skills to pull themselves together on cue. These kids do not understand other people's perspectives. They are not trying to inconvenience anyone or have a concept of how their actions are affecting others. Empathy for the parents and child would be very helpful.
So, that's about it. The only other tip I can give other parents flying with autistic kids is to pack a lot of new toys and books for the trip and wrap them up like it's their birthday. Works wonders. Costs a lot but not as much as the humiliation and inconvenience and associated costs with changing your flight. It's what worked for me....also, using home-made picture cards with a social story as to what to expect for the flight such as wearing a seat belt so you don't get hurt might also be helpful.
Flight attendent should be brought forth on charges for putting her hands on a child with special needs... Locked up and taught what autism is. She should do 10,000 hours of community service with autistic children.... Maybe then she will be HUMBLE enough to understand what that child goes thru every day of his life. Ignorance is not bliss! She is just totally clueless! looks like numbers are up 1 in 100 children born every day have the neurological disorder...Hmmmmm poeple will eventually have to accept things are gonna get real interesting in this country with such an epidemic.... GET WITH THE TIMES MISS FLIGHT ATTENDANT. There is more to life than,what you have been exposed to.... parent of a child with autism............