Talking doll establishes "direct connection with Jesus" says commercial
"Order your Talking Jesus Doll now for only $19.99. Don't miss this opportunity for your child to experience a direct connection with Jesus and the scriptures."
Link (Thanks, Doplgangr!)
The Talking Jesus Doll is a religious treasure that recites key verses from the Bible aloud. Just press the button and the Talking Jesus Doll speaks to your child. It’s a great way to create a personal connection between God’s word and your child.
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Oooooooh! I can only begin to imagine the voice box switching/rerecording possibilities . . . "math is hard" heeheehe!
Just buy one of those along with a Ouija board for your kids - you'll be opening portals to everywhere.
Finally, the answer to the ages old question, WWJD?
thanks but I already have this golden calf and see no reason to upgrade.
"Kill your parents"
"Burn it. Burn it to the ground"
"Braaaaaaaiiins"
I can't wait to see these in stores. Hilarity will most definitely ensue.
What a post, Mark; you just set the cat amongst the pigeons.
Does it have stigmata action?
I'm digging the reverb and the John Tesh music in the background. Finally, a doll worthy to fight against my Darth Vader doll!
PlasticJesus bears a striking resemblance to Keanu Reeves. PlasticJesus has much more fluid delivery and acting skills, however. PlasticJesus KO1.
Erm, yeah... As #4 kromekoran indirectly alluded, this goes just a tad over the line regarding "no graven images." In fact, it does a spritely jig over it while strangling it with a kung fu grip.
However, I'd love an Action Kali doll that chopped the heads off of other dolls. That's not blasphemy (I like Kali) - it'd be a great reminder of the need to sever the ego.
After a few moments of opening and closing my mouth, with no sounds coming out, I am at last able to ask: did they consider making a golden Mooby, too?
"Order now and we'll throw in the Holy Ghost, ABSOLUTELY FREE!! This handy-dandy visitor from the spirit world will make short work of your household chores! Wash dishes with a helping hand from the third incarnation of the Holy Trinity! ORDER NOW!!"
I hope it quotes Deut 23:1 for the children
bah! The Buddy Jesus still rules!
http://www.worth1000.com/web/media/22287/buddy%20jesus.jpg
omg why is it that the advertisement of Him having "authentic linen robes" is incredibly hilarious to me? AUTHENTIC LINEN, people! I mean COME ON!
I want one of these for the pure hilariousness of it, but I fear what kind of mailing list I'd end up on.
Mooby agrees with this...
"Each Jesus doll comes individually boxed."
So if someone tries to sell you one from a shrink-wrapped bale from the bed of his El Camino, you may be buying an inferior imitation Jesus, possibly made by snake-handlers, mormons, or copts.
For those of us that grew up having Teddy Ruxbin pushed at us, this kind of thing could lead to some significant theological confusion, I think!
A Delphic Oracle with a tape in his back: An Introduction to the Holy Order of Ruxbin.
I can see Jesus booting Ken out of Barbie's Dream House now. Or better yet, wearing Barbie's limited edition ballgowns.
I want ONE!
KromeKoran: DOWNgrade. You've been listening to MicroSoft too much. Hathor is the Mac; Jesus is the PC.
sized to share Barbie's clothes and carry GI Joe's machine gun...
No, I said I wanted a 12 inch *penis*!
The number you are calling "one" "zero" is not in service. Please hang up and try your call again. This is a recording.
"Hi, this Jesus. I'm not in right now. Please leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you. Hang ups make me sad. he he he"
You have reached Jesusphone. To better serve you, please choose from one of the following choices. At any time, please press "0" and one of our seraphim would be happy to assist you.
If you would like to leave a message for Jesus, press "1"
If mommy or daddy drink and are mean to you, press "2"
If BOTH mommy and daddy drink and are mean to you, please hang up and dial "911".
This is a wonderfully subversive product.
It will make it so much easier for these young folks to put away Jesus with Santa Claus and other childhood things when the time comes to grow up and live in the real world.
This toy is great. But after three days, it disappears.
DON'T BUY IT . . .
I have it on good authority that there's an improved version in the works with twice as many Bible verses in its memory, more accessories, and the ability to curse fig trees.
why is there a limit of 6? are 7 Jesus dolls in one place enough to bring on the rapture?
Children, the Talking Jesus Action Figure (not a doll) has a Talking Jesus Blog with a page to leave comments. Let me be the one to start this off...
http://blog.asseenontvnetwork.com/products/talking-jesus-doll-christian-toys-review-one2believe/
It's good to be evil, and me.
In case someone might not know this, the Mego toy company - they of the 8 inch Superhero, Star Trek, and Action Jackson fame in the 1970's - had a nice selection of Bible action figures based on the 7 inch body line. Yes, there was a Jesus. I think it was released under the Lion Rock label, which they used for their European toy line. I can't manage to Google it right now, no more time. But I've always wanted my Jesus to go mano-a-mano with the Hulk.
Also available from As Seen On TV...
The Cleavage Clip!
http://blog.asseenontvnetwork.com/products/category/fashion/cleavage-control-clip/
"Coarse shawl", what, no hair shirt? And why is he a white anglo-saxon? Oh wait..
do they have an Antichrist Action Figure?
That kid on the front page in the red shirt doesn't look like he's buying it.
"So, I see you are Jewish... Please contact manufacturer for an RMA."
I'm uncomfortable about how that little girl is holding jesus between her legs.
Considering most kids and their habits of undressing dolls to see what's underneath, I wonder what *has* been put under those "authentic linen robes".
The age-old question - does Jesus go commando?
Well I already let a Catholic priest touch my balls, so I got my direct connection for free.
The Talking Jesus Doll is a religious treasure that recites key verses from the Bible aloud.
Something tells me the Talking Jesus Doll doesn't quote Leviticus 26:1.
And when G.I. Joe "extreme rendition's" the Son of God to Syria, hilarity ensues, especially once the photos of the layover at Abu Ghraib get passed around Sunday School.
I think I just wrote a sitcom...
...If it's a girl playing with it, it's a doll. If it's a boy playing with it, it's an action figure. But the real question is what sort of accessory sets are going to be available? Will we get a Crucifizion playset, complete with Cross, Roman Soldier, Seamless Robe, and Spear of Destiny? Will the donkey he rode into Jerusalem be available as well? How about the 12 Deciples? Or the Cobra Commander Pharisee set?
You know, we can get Jesus Christ reborn as an action figure, but we can't we get Major Matt Mason resurrected...
I am *clearly* in the wrong business.
@Hokano: Right on.
Anything for a dime, and we know boing boing's penchant for a troll. Actually, felt bible FTW.
Huh?
Remember Barbie?? "Math is hard. Let's go shopping."
It's available through Amazon...
Okay, critical question: will it turn water into wine?
And if so, why are we giving these to children?
Don't miss the deluxe miracle edition...
- Glowing hands!
- 5 loaves of bread
- 2 fish
- 1 water-into-wine jug
http://www.amazon.com/Deluxe-Miracle-Jesus-Action-Figure/dp/B000C9XB8W/ref=pd_sim_t_3
This is pure, comedy genius...
I already talk with Jesus everyday. He said stop worshiping me fool and start living like a person that I was -- helping the poor, stopping people from being executed, ripped off, etc. He also told me that yes, the Gospel of Mary was suppressed by the church because Mary Magdeline was his favorite and he would never let a church named after him be ran by a bunch of stupid men.
Pink Thing,
Apparently you've been ignoring my previous warnings to you about linkspamming.
TheSpoof has this take on it:
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i29129
personal fave hacked line - "Well, I just don't see your name on the reservation list. Can you spell that again?"
traditional sandals!!
circuit bending anyone!!
Oh! Oh! Just don't believe I missed this. Someone please get this doll checked for lead paint!
Is it waterproof?
Then you too can bathe with Jesus.
This is i-doll-atry!
Correction: Talking Caucasian Jesus...
You can accessorize Him with your GI Joe and/or Barbie accessories (sold separately).
Apropos of nothing again, the Bible action figures I referred to in an earlier post were made by a company called Wee Win using Mego body molds. They DID have little records with them to tell their stories while you made Jesus fight the Thing.
I'm now wondering if I should have a Gods of the World line custom made from Mego body blanks. The Mohammed action figure alone will be a conversation starter in a lot of places. Heh. An L. Ron Hubbard inaction figure, complete with rum and coke, and small bottle of pills. Hm. Xenu.
for a moment i thought, why would someone make a talking doll of my Tio Chuy ?!
Oh, dear. What about the whole 'Graven Images' thing? Isn't this against the rulez? Oh, wait. Another senior moment. I forgot that it's ok to have graven images and indeed worship them (see: every "weeping" statue) as long as you are part of the club. It's only everyone ELSE who is damned.
PlasticJesus needs kung-fu grip, or a karate-chop mechanism. Maybe wine comes out if you put water in him.
I believe that the connection it is referring to is not in the internet type of connection but rather the kid is better able to establish a relationship when they have a physical jesus toy and seeing as most kids take the clothes off their dolls and rip their heads off; I don't think that this is the best idea.
I take issue with the fact that Jesus apparently only takes credit cards. Would not the true son of God wish his message spread via PayPal?
So. . . if I take that doll and crucify it, is that religious, or sacreligious?
(I guess that depends on whether or not crucifying him would wipe away the original sin of G.I. Joe and Barbie.)
What they really need to make is a talking Paul. Jesus' parables got nothin' on Paul's doctrine.
...
So when are we going to see the Steampunk version?
Before Christmas I heard about this on the radio, and that they were selling out quick. Proof, according to the Talking Jesus pimps, of how desperate parents were for good, wholesome toys for their children. Right. I went straight to target.com and ordered one for my daughter. Who is a college sophomore. Apparently, what Jesus wanted to do was a spirited round of beer pong.
Modusoperandi, there is a talking Paul doll: Paul Messenger of Faith. The lack of a comma, though, leads me to wonder if it's just some guy named Paul Messenger.
Wow, Skippy, that's a shitty toy. I wonder if he says any of the nuttier things that Paul slipped in to his letters ("Chicks should shut up in church", "No woman should hold authority over a man", "Slaves obey your masters", "Grease is the Word", etc).
...although even that crappy toy would be awesome on a Tales of Glory Placemat. If you flip it over, it's all blue. Y'know, for the Flood.