What a world of truly "safe aviation" would be like
Inspired by the never-ending news of new and ridiculous restrictions on flying, Grig Larson has written a grimly funny little science fiction vignette about what a world in which flying was really "made safe" would be like:
When she gets to the counter, a uniformed woman takes her booklet, and compares it to her ID. She asks for a fingerprint scan. Uh oh! There's a problem. Jill can't remember what finger she used! But the lady helps her out, and within minutes, she's approved to go into the disrobing chamber. The lady gives her a neck tag, stamps Jill's forehead, and sends her on her way past the many guards down a hallway.Link (Thanks, Grig!)Jill knows what to expect. Helpful pictograph signs show her what she will be doing when she gets to the disrobing room. At the end of the hallway, she steps into a free closet, and strips down naked. Don't forget those earrings and hair bands, Jill! Jill remembered that the safety of her personal belongings could never be guaranteed, so she came wearing nothing she couldn't afford to lose. She puts her belongings in a plastic bag, and seals it nice and tight. She sees herself in the mirror. Oh my, Jill. You have been gaining a little weight, haven't we? Better lay off those desserts at the buffet when you're in Los Angeles, Jill!
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It was shortly after 'stranger' security measures were introduced at airports that a spot opened up for NakedAir.com
The sad thing is that the security headache we go through now would have seemed just as ridiculous as these a few years ago.
Tens of millions of people have to remove their shoes in security because one wack-job decided to put a bomb in his shoe 6 years ago. What will happen if/when someone puts a bomb up their ass? Will all of us sheep just get used to bending over for cavity searches everytime we go to see Grandma?
I personally believe that the TSA has not added to the security of airplanes one bit. The biggest reason terrorists have not tried 9-11 style attacks again is because it would never work.
The 9-11 victims sat quietly and passivly (except for the PA plane) because they believed they would go back to the airport and sit through a hostage situation.
If this was tried now, every passenger on the plane would rise up and beat the terrorist into a fine paste because they would know they would die if they did not do something.
My daily reminder not to fly. Going on 5 years now!
#2 I am giddy, lately, to see more and more comments like this. I have very literally been saying this since September 11, 2001. Those planes were taken down with words and a mean social hack; box cutters just let people know they were serious.
What kind of world do we live in when where an entire world is afraid of 19 assholes with stationery supplies?
When I first started saying that, people accused me of being callous. Those brave souls and all that. But the people on the flights that hit the towers weren't brave. They were passive. But they were passive because they didn't know they needed to be brave. If they had known, they would have been brave. Just look at the PA flight. 45 minutes after the first plane hit, those people knew the score. It was too late to save the plane, but they saved who knows how many other lives in a moving display of bravery and self-sacrifice.
We all come pre-equipped with the tools of anti-terror. We understand the game being played, and people, when confronted with an actual situation, respond appropriately. We don't need all this other stuff. We are the first and last line of defense, and yet we are being treated as the enemy.
I like satire.
Good satire, that is.
I'd give this a "gentlemen's C."
Sorry.
Wouldn't it be easier to simply sedate everybody and fly everybody unconscious? If they are not conscious, they cannot hijack the plane, blow up the plane, or get up to any mischief.
They wouldn't need to drink or eat anything, or use the toilet (you can remove that from the plane). You can also get rid of all the food, drinks, utensils, trolleys, cabin crew, entertainment system, walkway, etc. With all the passengers unconscious, you can probably packed 3 to 5 times the number of passengers into the plane. If there's any delay, the passengers wouldn't complain either, at least not until after they've arrived at their destination.
There are advantages to the passengers as well. You turn up at the airport, take a drink, lie down, and wake up x hours later at your destination with your luggage beside you. No waiting. You'd be well rested from the "sleep" you have had.
If you have connecting flights, you wouldn't need visas or go through customs at each stop. The airline will just transfer you from plane to plane like luggage.
But most importantly of all, you can fire all the TSA staff and burn the no-fly-list! They wouldn't be needed anymore. :)
On a side note:
Oh noes, you linked to an Livejournal entry? How horribly out of date and uncool! Don't you know LJ is "expired" in this month's edition of Wired?
If you MUST link to a blog farm, you may only link to Blogger from now on. Harumph. Next thing you know, you'll be linking Myspace sites next.
Woe.