Bad writerly advice

By Cory Doctorow at 2:36 pm Tuesday, May 18

Teresa Nielsen Hayden -- a swell writer and respected editor -- may not have invented the genre in which clueless advice to new writers is mercilessly dissected, but she certainly perfected it. Today. Teresa shreds a really stunningly gormless "cover-letter advice" page:

Tip Eight: Call. That's right, Call. Introduce yourself. Be confident. Let them know your work is coming. It's the surest way to get out of that slush pile and on to a desk. Too afraid to call? Write out what you want to say, call AFTER HOURS, leave a voice message. It's not as good talking to a real person, but hey, it's better than nothing.

The surest way? Say what? Calling in advance is an irritating waste of the editorial department's time, and will do nothing to get you out of a trade publishing slushpile. Leaving a message after hours is even more clueless. I can't imagine where he got this idea, unless he's been taking advice from someone who's secretly out to get him.

There is one significant effect this might have. Because you've phoned to say something about a submission, someone may write down your name and the title of your book, and pass the note on to the slush readers. They'll be puzzled--why did you say you were phoning again?--and will stick the note up on their bulletin board. When your manuscript crosses their desk, they may remember that there was something-or-other they were supposed to remember or do about it, and will set your manuscript on the "inscrutable problems" stack for later diagnosis. Some slow afternoon--of which there aren't many--they'll have a go at the "inscrutable problems" stack, and will look at your manuscript again. They won't be able to tell what the problem was. They'll set the manuscript aside for later. After several cycles, they'll either figure that any manuscript that's been around this long should be returned to its author on general principles, or they'll move on to another job and the new slush reader will run your manuscript through several more "inscrutable problems" cycles before returning it to you on general principles.

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