Worst date ever

By at 8:29 am Sunday, Jul 13

Joey "AccordionGuy" DeVilla (he of the "saved from a psychotic new girlfriend by the reders of his blog" story) is serializing yet another of his tales of romantic terror, in a story he calls, "The worst date ever." As usual, it's very funny.
A year earlier, she's decided to switch to a sort of made-up religion: a muddle-headed mishmash of wicca, crystals, aromatherapy and eye-for-eye karmic point-scoring (from the way she carried herself, she seemed to be exempt from karma accounting). Naturally, anything Christian -- the religion of her parents -- was by definition bad. She was doing a lot of flying that year, and like any superstition-prone fool with less rational scientific thinking skill than a bed of kelp, she was sure that she was going to die in a fiery plane crash. She told me that she had faith that I would honour her burial wishes because I was nice to her even when she was "being a total bitch."

All that did was fuel dark power of attorney fantasies. I imagined a funeral theme that could only be described as "Maximum Jesus". I wrote a script in which I would visit a hospital immediately after an accident. It went something like this:

Doctor: Mr. deVilla, she...she's...
Me: Tell it to me straight, doc. No sugar coating. I can take it.
Doctor: She's scraped her knee.
Me: I HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY! I KNOW HER WISHES! NO HEROIC MEASURES! D.N.R.! PULL THE PLUG! PULL THE PLUG!

I remember saying to my sister: "I don't even have the luxury of wishing she was dead, because I'd be stuck with all the paperwork."

Link Discuss

Cory Doctorow

Upcoming appearances

* Feb 9, 2012, DeKalb, IL: Day of Doctorow, NIU
* Feb 10-12, 2012, Chicago, IL: Capricon 32
* Feb 13, 2012, Arlington, TX: UT Arlington College of Engineering Distinguished Speaker Series
* Feb 16, 2012, Victoria, BC: 13th Annual Privacy and Security Conference

Recent books:
* Context (essays)
* With a Little Help (short stories)
* For the Win (YA novel)
* Makers (adult novel)

Comments are closed.

Where not otherwise specified, this work is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution. Boing Boing is a trademark of Happy Mutants LLC in the United States and other countries.